Help out a directionless child?

Parents Forum
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<p>Hi, Parents and readers. Care to point this child to the right direction?</p>

<p>I went to one of Mid-tier UCs right out of High School. Back then counselors and teachers are all pushing kids to big name schools, and not thinking if these big name schools are the right choice. You can’t really one size fits all, and I am the one who didn’t succeed and flunked out. A lot of things contributed to this dismissal. But the main ones were the lack of readiness to college, and my parents were getting divorce. (Filed to divorce still ongoing due to the differences on property division.)</p>

<p>After a year and half of academic recovery, I’m confident to say I am ready to return. However, I am not 100% sure I make the right choice this time. I have decided to not apply for readmission to UCs, and added Liberal Arts College to my transfer plan. One of which is in Minnesota, and considering I’ve lived in California for so long, how am I going to cope with the weather differences? I have done the interview with the admission staff, and they say I should expect an extreme cold during winter.</p>

<p>The sad part is, I should turn this questions to my parents. But they are too busy to deal with their problems, and besides, they have given up on me since I failed out of college. I am deadly sure I will be living on my own from now on, and if I don’t get a degree and a job afterward I will be sleeping on the streets – homeless. Don’t you worry, I will kill myself before I become homeless. As serious as it might sound, I’m alone and all by myself. </p>

<p>My academic plan is simple, transfer to a small school that can nurture me academically as well as socially. I’m majoring in accounting hoping the private school connections can link me to a job after I graduate. Hopefully I will make some lifelong friends along the way, and my network foundation. I will also make sure my debt is capped under 15k, and so repaying the tuition won’t be too much hassle. </p>

<p>Are those realistic expectations? I don’t want any sugar-coating, but honestly I’m hoping private schools might have the alumni connections that can refer me to a job. And the small class settings, and close knit community are what I am looking for. </p>

<p>I just want a realistic check that I transfer with a right mindset and expectations. </p>

<p>I’m greatly appreciate your input!</p>

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<p>Take a good look back to figure out why you didn’t succeed the first time. Don’t put too much blame on others (such as your parent’s divorce) as they as really only minor distractions. Did you put enough hours into studying? College classes will typically require 2 to 3 hours of study (sometimes more) per hour of class time. What did you do? Do you have the study skills necessary to study effectively?</p>

<p>I have known many people who failed their first try in college and did very well the second time around. Mostly it was because they figured out that they really, really wanted to get the degree and were now willing to do the work necessary to succeed. Is that you? If so, go for it. (sounds from your posting that you are ready to go for it)</p>

<p>Cold weather can be dealt with (even for soft Californians). Dress in layers so that you can take off or add to meet the environment you are in. It may be very cold outside but the classrooms may be warmer or cooler and you need to adjust. Once your inner layers start to get damp from being too hot, you feel even colder when you go back into the cold. So you really do need to be flexable. It will cost some money initially to get the proper clothing for the cold weather, so you do need to figure that into your first year’s expenses. You do actually get used to it although not everyone likes the cold weather.</p>

<p>Good luck to you.</p>

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<p>Thanks HPuck35. To be honest, I put in 30-40 hours a week in study back then. It wasn’t the quantity of hours but how much material I actually absorbed. And then again I was ill prepare academically. I just don’t know how my body going to react to the weather, and the private school links jobs expectation.</p>

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<p>I would not rely on the “private school” job network as a big factor in your decision. You can make equally good connections at any college, I think. My D1 got an interview for the job she has because she knew a grad one year ahead of her who had a job with the company she ended up with. But I think that was not the school they went to in play, I think it was the personal connection my D made. If you get out and hustle for internships and part time work in the field you want to work in, that will play a huge role in getting a job. Regardless of where you go to school.</p>

<p>I’m a little confused about what school you are talking about in MN. Liberal arts schools often do not have accounting… Must say, it is cold here in the winter. It snowed a bit yesterday, although none will stick until later in November. You cope with the weather difference by dressing in lots of layers, wearing a hat and mittens and scarf all winter, and making sure you have footwear that will handle the snow. Other than that, it is all attitude and hot chocolate. :slight_smile: That doesn’t mean you will like it, but those are the facts of living in MN. If you are really worried about this and somehow think you won’t be able to survive, then go someplace warmer.</p>

<p>Also, you may be coming in with sophomore standing… will you be living in campus housing? Is the school you are planning to attend one where students stay on campus on the weekends, or do a lot go home? Admissions people don’t always mention that if the campus empties on weekends. Is almost everyone at the college from MN? Because I must say, going to a college where everyone else is local can be difficult… lots of people come in with friendship groups already established.</p>

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<p>I was surprised at your use of the noun, “child” to describe yourself. Maybe I am reading too much into this. Maybe you grew up with a language other than English as the household language? Otherwise, calling yourself a “child” would seem to indicate, to me, some level of need for parenting and support that you are not getting.</p>

<p>What do you mean by " a year and a half of academic recovery"?</p>

<p>Have you considered paths other than college, at least for the time being? Or taking just one class or two while you think about what you want to do?</p>

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<p>S is from California and now studying at a small school in Minnesota. It was his first choice and there are many wonderful things about it.
However, as at any school, there have been challenges and adjustments. The weather is only one way that the midwest is different.</p>

<p>Small schools can be nurturing, but really, no place is going to hold your hand that much.You will still need to make your own way.
If you feel that you’re outgoing and independent enough, this could be a good way to make a fresh start, but you need to be careful and honest with yourself.
Best of luck</p>

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<p>Teemoo:</p>

<p>You sound like you have a pretty good direction. You can make it all by yourself, many do. I declared myself financially independent from my parents after 2 years of college and never looked back. It did take me longer to get my BA, but I came out of it with little debt.</p>

<p>You won’t be homeless. Regardless of what school you go to, it is imperative that you get connected to the school, faculty, career center while you are in school. It’s not the size of the school, it’s the connections you make. </p>

<p>Not sure why you want to go all the way to MN from CA, but I can understand the need to get out the state and experience life in different places. However, to save the most money, you would probably be better off staying in CA, and then considering another state for grad school.</p>

<p>Check out a CSU. That might be a better fit for you.</p>

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<p>It all comes down to direction. It seems like you have that now, and you didn’t then. I am sure your family issues contributed as well, but it is UP TO YOU. Did you take courses during your “academic recovery”" How did you do grade wise? How did you do motivation and “absorbtion” wise? </p>

<p>I join the chorus in saying that the size of the college does not matter - it is all about connections. DD goes to a school with 30K, and goes to office hours before every test, a week before every paper is due, and regularly in between. She has a very high average, and has several professors who are clearly mentoring her. Make connections - do office hours. I would also recommend that you read Cal Newport’s book/blog on success in college - he has great tips. Available at many libraries or on Amazon. Good luck to you!!!</p>

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<p>Direction yes, but environment also. We all have “environments” where we feel comfortable and generally thrive and excel. I think it takes some introspection to understand what type of environment works. So in this respect size may or may not be a differentiater. May spend alittle time thinking about what makes you content and separate out what was going on with your parents. That might give you more insight into the big/small decision. I don’t think your expectations are unfounded…you’ve used the work nurture, friends, etc. but then if you “go small” you need to make sure that those qualities are covered. That sometimes is the “zing” kids feel when they settle on the right “small” college.</p>

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<p>Thanks for all the replies. Yea, I wish I have the family/emotional support like my friends do. The main reason I want to leave Cali is this place brings me too much sad memories. The trees, the people, and places just too much for me. I am attending City College for the past year and half, and been getting A’s/B’s 2 C’s. My GPA is around 3.2 right now. Like I said, parents have given up on me since I left UCs. </p>

<p>The thing with UCs is that the school is VERY impersonal. I don’t blame the school, but even I attended all my discussion sections, after class tutor sections, and office hours, they don’t solve all my questions. I understand that large schools students are more independent and such. However, the class sizes, and careless professors are making me sick. Not ALL the professors are like that, but I met quite a few in UCs. Perhaps, these prof might have obligations other than teaching. </p>

<p>I am dead sure I will graduate college this time around. I just need confirmations on my expectations like making lifelong friends/soul-mates. And be employed after graduate. Really it all comes down to a job, start a family, food, and shelter that is all I’m asking and trying to pursue a life like that. It sucks when parents are not there when you needed them the most. It sucks that I am alone without any support. All my friends are by themselves…I am not even joking, I don’t get why we people have friends but then we can’t share anything with them. It is like everyone walking with a mask nowadays. Well you say that is why we need soulmates, but I have none. It is ironic to see I have hundreds of friends on FB/Twitter, but then I can’t really talk to them, like anything. If you know what I mean. </p>

<p>I want to start my family, I am a family person. I want to make good examples because of all the things happened to me. (Mom cried on the phone couple times back in my freshman year in UC.) I know what I want, and I am sure getting the degree is just beginning of my life plan you say.</p>