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<p>Not to derail the thread, but I told D2 yesterday that I would fire her if she were my employee (over something she was supposed to do weeks ago and has not taken care of in spite of many reminders – seriously, she WILL get fired if she acts that way on a job). I suspect many of us have had this thought sometimes about our kids!</p>
<p>Ok. Your original post said you did random drug testing but the latest post suggests you did it once because you smelled it on his breath. That’s not random. Maybe you’re saying that, since that initial incident, you have been testing him every so often without notice. Anyway, I don’t think most parents are drug testing their kids, so he may feel that he has no control over his life at all.</p>
<p>Anyway, given your concerns about his lack of maturity and unwillingness to work, I wouldn’t think a parent would want to pay for anything more than a local CC to start and see if his level of maturity improves in the process. Boys are often late bloomers in the maturity front so he may surprise you in his first couple of years at a CC. Then, perhaps, you’ll feel more comfortable paying for a 4-year school.</p>
<p>BTDT as well here with middle of 3 sons. And somewhat with the other two. I sometimes feel like I have failed because my boys have not lived up to their “potential” as they are very bright, but not driven to achieve high grades. The middle one has some ADD, but mostly is just not motivated in school. Your son may surprise you, however, at work. Mine has actually done well in the jobs he has had (mostly retail) and working so hard for so little money has probably motivated him to start focusing on school.</p>
<p>It was not always easy to focus on the positives: he was not getting into trouble or being a party kid, but he was the kid I got the “homework not done” or “bad grade” emails. He could be very disrespectful, but at other times very sweet. I loved the summers, because the biggest source of conflict was school. </p>
<p>I am in line with those that think this is fairly typical of boys and that he should go to the good state college he got into, with support and encouragement that he can be successful. While I would set expectations and agreement to let parents review grades, it may not be productive to threaten consequences before he even gets to college.</p>
<p>I agree with Calla - my son needed to move out and handle things on his own. He has had ups and downs in college, but is doing fine and seems to be moving in the direction of success.</p>
<p>Forehand, focus on the good things. He still pulled out a B average, which may be reasonably good at a tough high school. He may never be an academic superstar, but he will probably get it together and be a success. At this point, you have mostly done your job and while you will still need to keep an eye on the situation and not let him fail, it is really now HIS choice as to what kind of life he will have. You can talk all you want about the wider choices good grades will provide, but you can’t make him study. You can give him the appropriate meds and doctor visits, but can’t make him take them. The biggest stick is the tuition money, but it can be very hard to pull that away unless there is truly a failure. </p>
<p>Hopefully, we have turned a corner. But we have used the move back home and commute, or go to an easier college threat when grades were becoming a problem. But it looks like we will not have to play that card.</p>
<p>He has been accepted into a good state university</p>
<p>Don’t stand in his way ~</p>
<p>Those who have been on these boards for a while know about my son and his issues. I will just make one observation. The thing about “making” a kid get a job is that in many areas of the country, jobs are difficult to come by. I think that being on your feet 40 hours a week does many teens and young adults a world of good - but the jobs they are able to get are more often 12-15 hours a week, with flexible hours so they can’t get a 2nd or 3rd job…which leaves way too much time for sleeping in, video games, etc.</p>
<p>missypie, you are so right. My bright, creative 25yo DS dropped out of college (he has ADHD, executive function, emotional issues) and lives at home. No one wants to hire him full-time, because they would have to pay benefits, yet they expect him to be on call for whenever they feel like scheduling him. He feels very bad about himself, but has no faith, after many tries, in counselling or therapy. We recently paid $2500 for an emotional/social evaluation, which was fairly worthless in terms of what we learned (he’d already had the ed/psych testing many times).</p>
<p>Op,
Please have him evaluated for ADHD inattentive type. My S sounds like your S, but after he takes his adderall, my S is less frustrated and engaged. I can tell right away which mornings he does not take his med.</p>
<p>Novimom, neuropsych eval here runs $2500-4000, so you got a good deal.</p>