<p>You’re welcome! We all remember those first serious breakups–ours and theirs.</p>
<p>OP, try to avoid being angry with the girl. They may get back together one day, and she may even end up as your daughter-in-law one day. Any statements along the line of “I never liked her!” could come back to haunt you. You can probably help your son more if you are calm and emotionally neutral about the girl, even as you remain sympathetic toward him.</p>
<p>I don’t think a phone breakup, under the circumstances and given the distance, is out of bounds. There’s no happy way to do it. It’s not a divorce. They were two high schoolers, now college freshmen at different places. If they were at the same campus and she broke up with him by phone, it would be a little weird.</p>
<p>Oh that sucks. Imagine if a boy broke up with a girl without the decency of looking her in the eye, wouldn’t we have names for that! Keep assuring him that he’ll feel better in time. Validate the anger and betrayal and sadness. Remind him that the time they had together still has value, and wasn’t a lie just because it didn’t turn out the way they’d imagined. Accept that he’s just gonna feel lousy for a while. Send a package. Hug him. </p>
<p>And cake. Eat a lot of cake! S1’s gf broke up with him, over the phone during holiday break with her mother on the other line to make sure she went through with it. Mom buttonholed me later that week to say how much they “loved” my son, but didn’t want the relationship to derail any career plans and thought it best to stop, and her daughter was dragging her feet. I didn’t have the heart to say he’d been saving up for an engagement ring :(</p>
<p>It’s okay for you to feel crappy too. I wouldn’t share that with him, but you wouldn’t be human if you didn’t feel some loss yourself.</p>
<p>Greenbutton, it sounds like your son is lucky he got away. I’m sure that money will be useful to him, no matter what. Particularly when he meets someone more independent-minded who knows what she wants in a marriage.</p>
<p>Of course, you, too, could end up seeing her down the road . . . .</p>
<p>OP – Oh, been there, done that. GF broke up with S2 after 3.5 years over winter break freshman year. I still miss her terribly. She was a terrific person who will make much of her life. I worked with her on college apps, FA, the whole nine yards. They both seemed very committed to the long haul. She wanted her freedom and to be independent, and S is going into an area that caused her family some real consternation. S is dating a little, but his heart is not in it. </p>
<p>I keep an open ear for S, and encouraged counseling if he felt the need. It has been a long, tough road, and I am not sure he is back on his feet after 1.5 years. He says one ting, but acts in another.</p>
<p>OP, going through this right now with my 11th grader after nine months of bliss. 
Early teen relationships are like getting a pet, because you know it’s going to end badly. D2 has also been saying that she’s lost her best friend; nighttime is especially hard for her because there are no longer the long recaps to each other about what happened that day. They are all so young; even with the best intentions someone is going to say or do the wrong thing while trying to be as kind as possible. </p>
<p>One big difference in breakups now is how easy it is to peek into the ex’s social life via facebook etc etc., or how easy it is to send a text. It’s rubbing salt into a wound.</p>
<p>haha fieldsports – already has happened. I think he believes that in time, she’ll cast off the casual spaceholder bf’s and return to him. Time will tell. This was more than 2.5 years ago, after 2.5 of dating through sr year/early college and he has yet to date anyone else. But they are on good terms now, and keep in touch and all that. Like countingdown, I just missed her for a long time just as a person I really liked.</p>
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<p>Agree with all of the above. I also think it would have been no less painful had she broken up in person.</p>
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<p>Ha, my fiance dumped me on Christmas Eve during college, 30 years ago. He still shows up on my Facebook list - “People you may know…” I really don’t like seeing his face!</p>
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<p>Oh wow. And there is no way to make it go away, either!</p>
<p>Tbh, I don’t get why people always feel breakups are so
much better if done in person. If I’m getting hurt or hurting someone who I care about (and most people do care about their serious significant others, even if they breakup), I think it would be far more painful to be “stuck” physically with that person, especially if it was during a long distance visit, in a restaurant, etc.</p>