It’s typical for at least one parent to go. But you don’t have to be typical.
We drove our daughter 40 minutes to her school and helped carry her stuff in. She didn’t want any help unpacking. We attended a lunch for families, then a parent orientation (basically, a session on how not to helicopter, which we would have skipped) before stopping back by her dorm to say goodbye.
Two years later, we drove our son 13 hours and hauled his stuff out of our car. There were other student volunteers who carried it up to his room, so we didn’t have to lift a thing. But there were tons of concerts, meals, and tours for parents, so his orientation was a two day thing for us. He was off doing other stuff, so at the end of the grueling orientation, we stopped by his room and said goodbye, then turned around and started our two day journey home.
I mentioned this discussion to my husband, our soon to be 9th grader overheard and promised us we could accompany her on the first day “only over her dead body”. She openly admitted she’ be embarrassed of both of us and would only let us visit after a month or two after she had a chance to meet her dormmates and make some friends. Hope she changes her ind in the next four years
Sounds silly now but it’s an attitude that I think we want in our college-age kids. That is, we want them to be just fine on their own and not need help from Mom and Dad.
^^I agree that we want them independent and capable, but I also think we want them secure and self-confident enough to be able to be seen with their parents and not worry what anyone else thinks about it!
When I heard that brother and SIL were not planning on taking my niece to college, I was surprised - granted, she was a year older having taken a year off, and had already spent another year on the other side of the globe as an exchange student back in high school, but still…I was hoping it wasnt going to come around to bite them in the TOS violation. So she took the six hour train ride by herself, with just a big suitcase of stuff. She already had a cold when she left, and after a few days, she was really ill, desperatly needing some TLC but not wanting to miss a minute of orientation week. Brother and SIL couldnt take time off that fast, so her 72 year old grandmother took the train after her, taking another big suitcase full of stuff, to be around and pamper her in her (single!) dorm room whenever she had time off, and just hung out in the dorm room whenever she was out for activities. There was a kitchenette and in suite bathroom, so no one needed to know granny was there if she did not want them to know. They are actually very close, so it worked out just fine, and granny enjoyed seeing her university and taking one last trip to the beach with her before she left at the end of the week.
Sorry for the long absence. After many discussions, both my DH and DD finally understood the importance of this day for me. I am all booked. I am so thrilled to take part in the beginning of her college career.
I moved in alone after a flight halfway across the country to a city I had never visited. The reason my parents did not help me move in is because my dad was out of the country on a work project for an extended time and my mom didn’t like to drive on highways. So I flew out alone! It was a bit traumatic and overwhelming and I ended up crying in the room of the young man who would become my husband in 4 years.
( had not visited before because my parents were immigrants and thought college visits were unnecessary. They also assumed I would go to the big university in town, but I had other ideas and a scholarship. )
My mom had to convince my dad that he will come to move in and it’s not just a drop off and leave thing. His dad just dropped him off and his mom wouldn’t even go because she would get too emotional. I would say ask your D. I would be very upset if my parents didn’t come plus I would have no way to get there.
Honestly, my kids would have been out of luck if they had said, “Don’t come”. Too bad… if you want me to cover your tuition bills. I would have been willing to drop off and leave soon if they had wanted me to (neither did). I might ask your kids ahead of time about their expectation. But I wasn’t going to miss it for anything.
I took a Greyhound bus from my hometown to my college by myself. I didn’t get off the bus at the right stop and ended up in New York City. I had never been out of my state prior to that trip.
I had two suitcases of clothes and nothing else. I was a very low income student. My track coach came to NYC with his wife to get me because I was scared to death. When they got there, his sweet wife just cried when she realized I only had to suitcases. They called ahead to the school and by the time I got to my room it was all decorated with bedding, school supplies and everything (I’m sitting here balling just typing this). My daughter knows where I came from and is allowing me to enjoy every minute of her move in experience. I’m so grateful to her
@HappyFace2018 I have tears in my eyes just reading this! What a sweet thing for your coach and his wife and those who helped did for you! I can only imagine how scary it must have been. My H didn’t come from much and though he’s pretending to be grumbly about it, is quite happy to make sure our D has plenty to take with her AND has both of us to help.
@HappyFace2018 thank you for sharing a touching part of your college beginning. What a wonderful memory.
A friend of mine shared a post, which hits home for me. This is part of the reason why I need to be there. I’m sure some have previously seen it, but I will share here too:
“Attention Freshmen who are moving in tomorrow: A little request…
When your mom wants to unpack all of your clothes and make your bed - let her.
When your dad wants to introduce himself to all the people on your floor - let him.
When they want to take pictures of every move you make this weekend - let them.
If the embarrass you or act crazy - let them.
As you start the new chapter of your life, they are also starting the new chapter of theirs. And believe it or not, this is probably more difficult for them than it is for you. So let them treat you like their “baby” one last time.”
My rising sophomore D (so I totally get the difference, I did move her in last year) has told me that given the choice between me moving her in this fall and me coming for a weekend in, say, October, she’d prefer the latter because “it breaks up our time apart better”.
The army doesn’t allow parents into the barracks. You get a 60-second hug in the auditorium at drop-off, then off they go for processing. You don’t have (or get) to lift a finger – ever again. There’s nothing like the military for eliminating any form of parental involvement cold turkey. Four years of boarding school taught us how to let go. We’re pros now. I’m not sure how parents of kids who are leaving home for the first time survive that first military year. You drop them off at the end of June, but they can’t come home again until Thanksgiving and some can’t do it even then. The Plebe (freshman) moms in the parents club here are absolute wrecks.
