<p>Son just messaged me to say that everybody at his college is really racist and sexist and a bunch of guys just got thrown out of the sexual harassment seminar for horsing around and he wants to transfer. PLease reassure me that it's normal to wonder if you belong somewhere -- People don't really decide after 48 hours that they're going to transfer, do they?</p>
<p>Rarely, but it isn’t unheard of. </p>
<p>I am surprised at the behavior of those were thrown out of the sexual harassment seminar. Hopefully, this is just an isolated case of a few idiots. However, if your son finds this is a serious issue and he cannot/isn’t able to work to fix it, transferring out would be a reasonable response.</p>
<p>Out of curiosity, what college is this? PM if you don’t want to publicly disclose.</p>
<p>I don’t think it’s normal for a college to seem sexist and racist. That’s very different from not feeling at ease right away. I’d like to know too-with all that’s been happening in the news lately, I wouldn’t want to be someplace where racism is prevalent. </p>
<p>OP: From your posting history, your son is at Sewanee. I suggest you call the college and inquire about the situation. It could be a case of homesickness. </p>
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<p>I’d doubt homesickness had anything to do with a bunch of racist/sexist idiots who were horsing around to the point of being disruptive and consequently tossed out of the sexual harassment seminar. </p>
<p>What I meant is that perhaps the son is just saying this because he is homesick, doesn’t want to admit it, and wants to come home. </p>
<p>Sewanee is a southern school. Are you from the south? </p>
<p>Some do. My niece attended a Pre-O trip the week before freshman orientation at her school (the well-regarded LAC where she had been accepted ED). There were several things during Pre-O that did not go well. When her parents arrived a week later with her dorm stuff for move-in, she asked them to take her back home with them. They told her it was natural to feel skittish and that she needed to finish the fall semester before making any decisions about transferring. Roommate situation was not great, she was not able to get into the classes she wanted, she got sick and didn’t complete rush, but she did finish the year and came home. Took a gap year and is about to graduate from a small university 30 minutes from home. </p>
<p>I think her initial experiences of not fitting in colored her point of view and became a self-fulfilling prophecy. I suspect your son’s “people” are indeed there, he just hasn’t found them yet, and that not everyone is racist & sexist. Assume you’ve advised him to talk to an RA. So sorry his year (and yours) is off to a rough start. Please keep us posted.</p>
<p>I doubt that EVERYBODY is that way. But the idiots are usually the loudest, particularly the first few days on campus. It’s Friday night, and he’s on a college campus. Maybe he can meet someone who isn’t a stereotypical brotastic Southern prep schooler. Maybe he should go talk to the girls instead. It’s 90% likely that this too shall pass. </p>
<p>Looking back, I think my son might have hated it the first week but he was too proud to complain. He was on an all-guys wing of a co-ed dorm that had a bunch of loud heavy drinkers. He started hanging out with guys from another floor to get away from the partiers. Halloween weekend was a real low point and he considered transferring. By Christmas, he couldn’t wait to get back to his school and he found summer jobs on campus for his final two years. </p>
<p>It’s not unheard of, my neighbor drove halfway across the country 2 days, dropped off, turned around and got a call the first night he was home to come and do the pick-up so “yeah, hmmm” it does happen on day 2. When the neighbor’s kiddo called she was crying but she had a plan (for the future) so back into the car went the neighbor for two more days. She executed her plan and successfully graduated from the different university. </p>
<p>I think the best thing is to give it a day or two and see if it comes up again. If he has a “plan” for what to do if you pick him up then take it seriously but as a parent I would not “bring it up” or even offer to go get him. He needs to do the asking. If he doesn’t ask, then he might perhaps simply be venting. Because on the other hand you may not hear another word and it could have just been first week jitters until he finds his “kind.” </p>
<p>The son of a good friend is at Sewanee and isn’t even remotely “brotastic” (I had to use that, you should trademark it). I think he likes it and feels very comfortable. I will see if I can roust out his mom to comment.</p>
<p>@oldfort - I’m not sure what your comment in post #6 is implying?</p>
<p>Sewanee is NOT filled with sexist/racist students. It’s a church affiliated school of the Episcopal Church. If they were thrown out they won’t last long there.</p>
<p>Yeah this is pre-orientation. He hasnt met all the freshmen much less all the students, still hoping like heck he finds his tribe soon.</p>
<p>Is it considered a party school (it hasn’t been on the party school list at Princeton Review for a few years)? Sometimes orientation activities and drinking don’t match. Hard to read much into behavior of 18 year olds, first time at college …</p>
<p>The presence of such idiots is not necessarily a bad thing…especially if your son has a mischievous streak with which to turn them into subjects of amusement for himself and other like-minded classmates. </p>
<p>half j/k /*
One thing for him to consider once he finds his tribe and a group of friends…plan and raid ice cream socials and parties where such idiots congregate. At the very least, he and his friends will get plenty of free food, spirits, and especially ice cream…and have fun doing it provided the authorities don’t catch on. </p>
<p>Also, considering all the exercise he and his friends will be having, freshman 15 is unlikely to be a factor.<br>
*/ </p>
<p>:D</p>
<p>Momzie, I know a few male Sewanee alumni and they are intelligent, thoughtful, and respectful human beings. Definitely not brotastic types (that is a great word!). There is a very small segment on campus at this point. Hopefully, when the rest of the student body arrives next week, your S will find his people. Tell him to give it time. I’m sure it’s hard to hear that he’s unhappy. My D will be there next week and perhaps they will meet. It’s nice to have girls as friends too and I can assure you that she’s not racist!</p>
<p>I’m sure there are bro-tastic types everywhere. And I agree with @SomeOldGuy that the loud obnoxious ones are the ones you notice first! </p>
<p>I’d don’t know how you brought up your kids, but college can be a shock for some and it can take a couple of months to find their niche. I’d encourage him to give it at least a semester.</p>