<p>OP, my D wanted to transfer before the end of Orientation. And it was indeed homesickness, which made her see every bad thing as a sign she shouldn’t be there. Remain calm, and don’t even entertain the idea of transferring until after first semester is over. </p>
<p>“Racist” and “Sexist” are very two strong words for someone that has only been there for two days. Tell him to keep an open mind, talk to some other people that are not those jerks that got kicked out of orientation, and if it is really a problem, you can think about transferring at the end of the semester. I am sure it was an impulse call more than anything, as our first impressions take hold of us quickly. Give it some time, all students need this whether they are homesick or sure that they “hate” their new school</p>
<p>One could flip this around and take the fact that the brotastic guys were kicked out as a positive sign about the vibe of the school.</p>
<p>I’m a senior this year and I thought I could give a little insight into this situation. My freshman year of college I was really excited and thought I had picked the perfect school. I had a scholarship for track and cross country so I thought it would be really easy to make friends and a good way to continue doing what I loved. I unpacked everything and my parents left. I realized I didn’t like the school I was at after 2 or 3 days. The people and environment just didn’t suit my personality. I stayed at that school the whole year and then transferred to another school. My freshman year was horrible and I spent so much energy and time just trying to get through the year. I made several really good friends who I still talk to today but I just ended up not liking it there. I love the school I transferred to and have the best time here. My cousin and two of my friends from high school all realized they didn’t like the school they had chosen by the end of the first week. All three of them have transferred and love their new schools. I think you just know whether or not the school is the right place for you. I would maybe encourage him to get involved and stick it out for a semester. He could easily come up with a new school to attend and turn in the applications in time to transfer for the Spring semester. </p>
<p>One of mine knew within 24 hours that he did not want to be at the first college. Yes, we talked to him, but there were several concrete issues that were a problem. He and we tried to work on one of them, but were treated quite rudely by the administrator in charge of that area. The other issues were things we could not do anything about. And we had visited this school many times, but these problems were not visible from the visits. Within a week or two he started the transfer process to the other university to which he was accepted. He left the first college after that first semester and never looked back. It was definitely the right move for him. The second university ended up fitting him much better, both academically and socially.</p>
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Exactly as I posted. Schools and people are different from each region. This is a big country and there are regional differences. People behave differently and speak differently. What’s acceptable in one region, may not be necessary so at another region. That’s why people look for fit when it comes to schools. </p>
<p>I don’t think OP’s son objection to the school is not so much that students were sexist or racist, but what the students were doing (or think is important) is different than what he is used to at home. Both of my kids went to school in the NE and they heard some very sexist and racist remarks in the dining hall. I think sometimes when kids are away from home for the first time they feel they could say and do what they want, until their peers smack them in the head silly. One boy said to D1 that he would never date an Asian girl. Everyone at the table told the boy he was a jerk. A month later, this boy was going out with an Asian girl. </p>
<p>I would tell my kid to try to adjust, but feel free to put a transfer package together if he still hates it after few months. He may feel better if he knows he has options.</p>
<p>Give it a few weeks. Once classes start, your son’s attitude toward to the school and students could change. He will meet others who will not hold such beliefs or feelings. Tell me to hang in there. </p>
<p>I have worked at universities in various parts of the country and am now in the South at a large public university. It sometimes takes freshmen a while to find their people but, in most cases they do. OP should talk to her son and help him come up with ideas how he can find those people - join clubs in his interest area, look for the non-brostatic (LOVE that word!) guys and girls at orientation events and engage them in conversation, etc. </p>
<p>Some young men think they need to talk big when they first arrive at college and act like jerks. They either find other jerks to hang with or, if they’re lucky, they’ll interact with other people who will tell them they’re being jerks and will see the light.</p>
<p>Suwannee is not known for wide-spread racism and sexism among its students. And it’s a good sign that the administration removed the loud-mouthed jerks from the sexual harassment session (and I trust gave them a good talking-to). </p>
<p>It’s true that some kids just know that their school is not the right one for them, but more often, after they get over the homesickness, get over their nerves, get used to a new place, new routines, new people, etc. find they ARE in the right place and love, love, love their school (I can’t tell you how many kids who were in tears in my office as freshman cried at graduation because they have to leave.)</p>
<p>Moms and Dads be patient, be supportive, and see what happens. And good luck!</p>
<p>First impressions can be right, but often they are not. I agree with those who say to support your kiddo, encourage him to give it a little time, explore the clubs and other extra curruiculars and see how it goes.</p>
<p>@oldfort - I thought you meant, “He’s in the South - of course people are sexist and racist.” Thanks for clarifying.</p>
<p>We live in the South but are not Southern – my husband’s family are ethnically diverse recent immigrants to the US. I assumed that oldfort meant that we might be misinterpreting things like Southern chivalry as sexist because we didn’t understand the region. (This is akin to my husband stating that such and such high school kid gives him the creeps and reminds him of Eddie Haskell because of all the yes ma’aming and no sirring coming from the kid’s mouth – until we figured out that there are actually Southern families that teach their kids to say that, and that it’s not actually just a way of sucking up to people in authority but part of the lifestyle.) So it’s possible that my son is misinterpreting some things. We have thought about places, like the gender studies house, where he is more likely to meet people who share his interests and outlook. I’m hoping that once classes start it will get better.</p>
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<p>Feeling horrible about racism and sexist behavior, especially horsing around in a sexual harassment seminar is not usually a matter of misinterpretation. I’d be horrified if I saw college first-year students acting that way if it happened during my college orientation. </p>
<p>While I agree with everyone who says he needs to give it a semester to find his own group, if this is a continuing problem he cannot or is unable to address/deal with after that period, transferring to another school is reasonable. </p>
<p>I hope you follow my advice. Forget about the RA. Does Sewanee have a Dean for Freshman? My DDs school does. If so, have him make an appt to see the dean face-to-face. If not, make an appt for him to speak directly to the Dean of Students. If not that, if the health center is already open, have him talk to an adult counselor. He is understandably miserable and needs to talk to an adult at the school with the wisdom and good care and concern he can get from that person. Don’t leave him to “wait it out.” It will only help him a little to talk to you, his parents, because he will feel homesick when he does.(But by all means continue to talk to him!) The Dean will talk about the initial behavior of the crazies who go nuts the first few weeks of school. These young men making problems may not be nice people, but they will calm down. Sewanee is a good school and it would be a shame if he were to withdraw without the steady, ongoing if necessary advice and counsel of a seasoned adult in authority. Don’t be shy, call the Dean of Students directly. Business like this is his/her job.</p>
<p>My D had a rough first term because she is not a girl who makes instant “besties” It took her until the second term to find her tribe. The same thing happened with me because I also take longer to develop good friendships. They all adjust differently. I’d encourage giving it some time, but also keeping an ear to the ground to see if it really isn’t the right place for him. I also found that my D ONLY contacted me when she was feeling stressed/upset so I thought she was feeling that way all the time. I finally asked her one day “Do you want to stay at that school?” and she was like “Yeah, I love it.” I pointed out that every time I heard from her she was upset and asked if I can assume that when she’s not texting or calling that things are going great and she said yes. That took a load of worry off of me! </p>
<p>My daughter hasn’t started yet (we leave on Monday) but I wonder if there is a club at the school with the mission to fight racism and sexism. Maybe you can peruse the college website for him to find it.</p>
<p>How many more days until classes begin @Momzie? Hopefully after a few weeks he will have found his tribe and settle in. If not, he can always transfer. It’s a hard line to walk as a parent. We want them to stick it out long enough to acclimate and have a better perspective on campus life, but if the school isn’t a good fit then it’s time for Plan B. Hoping it gets better for him. It’s never an easy process to watch our children find their paths. </p>
<p>And @oldfort - I love Brotastic™!</p>
<p>Just because someone uses the expression racist or sexist, doesnt mean that the people or behaviors they observed are, cobrat. The OP’e Eddie Haskell analogy was perfect.</p>
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<p>Unless you’re saying OP’s son completely fabricated the entire incident(nice bit of invalidating an account of a young adult BTW), what he saw must have been serious if several first year students WERE TOSSED OUT of a sexual harassment seminar by school authorities. </p>
<p>Also, there’s a long history of older adults being automatically dismissive of such complaints if it doesn’t fit their comfortable and sometimes blinkered worldview. </p>
<p>Presumably there is more going on than the incident with the students being tossed out. While it is almost certain that the kicked out students were behaving badly, it is also possible that the OP’s son has misinterpreted other things. </p>
<p>They may have been clowning around, or whispering, or giggling using their cellphones, or whatever unacceptable behavior in an institution that can be firm and formal (Sewanee) deemed inappropriate that got them kicked out of the session. The OP didnt say what got them removed from the meeting other than that they were “horsing around”. so there is no point in speculating. Just because the OP’s son used those terms does not mean one should take that at face value. And statements like “everyone is racist and sexist” is an overgeneralization that would cause most folks to query further as to why the student felt that way. But it wouldn’t be reasonable to believe that “everyone is” , because everyone isn’t.</p>