<p>Diversity is a buzzword nowadays. This includes diversity of behavior. The OP’s son observed some behavior he had never experienced before. He can choose to leave and seek a school with like minded people or stay and participate with people who are not like himself. </p>
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<p>Some demonstrated behaviors by classmates may be indicators the campus culture isn’t a healthy one for a given student. </p>
<p>One good example of this is discussions about party schools where the campus has a critical mass of students who live to party and get drunk from Thursday to Sunday or later. </p>
<p>While it may be great for some students, for others who find it a distraction to one’s academic studies or worse, subjects them to involuntary sleep deprivation due to noise/rowdiness at all hours, transferring out to a school with a culture far more congenial to their ideals of a college experience would be the best option. </p>
<p>And like some posters here, there have been some posters on CC who are dismissive of students concerned about avoiding party schools by making statements like “all colleges are party schools on some level” and “you’ll find your own tribe”. </p>
<p>Maybe using Skype will help-? I think that seeing you while hearing you can help with homesickness.</p>
<p>One of my kids called me in the first week of sophomore year and said she wanted to leave, it wasn’t a good fit. I drove up and got her. It was the right decision. This was a couple of years ago. It can be hard to tell. Sometimes a parental response like mine is the wrong one and the kid could have thrived. For a freshman, it certainly makes sense to wait until classes start (and all the silly orientation activities stop) to really assess the place.</p>
<p>The college can take a stand against such behaviors, but it can’t control all the students. However, it is good that they were expelled from the session- showing that their behavior insn’t tolerated. </p>
<p>Looking at the list of student groups, it seems that there are also students who don’t condone this. Maybe your son can join one of these clubs:</p>
<p><a href=“Student Life | The University of the South”>Student Life | The University of the South;
<p>Move-in (and official orientation) at Sewanee isn’t until next Saturday, the 23rd. Some students will arrive on Wednesday for a pre- orientation program. Momzie’s S is participating in a special academic pre-orientation program. The vast majority of students aren’t on campus yet. </p>
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This is akin to my husband stating that such and such high school kid gives him the creeps and reminds him of Eddie Haskell because of all the yes ma’aming and no sirring coming from the kid’s mouth – until we figured out that there are actually Southern families that teach their kids to say that,</p>
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<p>Yes, there are many southern families that teach that…and they teach it from the time the baby starts talking. It is amusing to first hear a southern mommy saying/teaching her little one to say, “yes, ma’am”. I remember saying something to a young toddler in a grocery cart, and the mommy prompted her barely-speaking-child to answer, “yes, ma’am.”</p>
<p>I agree with the above posters that the OP’s son may be a little stressed-out about being away from home and some of this may be jitters. </p>
<p>Momzie,
How is he doing today? Things looking any better?</p>
<p>Yes, he texted yesterday and things went well with his first assignment. He got a good grade and that made him feel good. I think the “I hate it here and I’m going to transfer” may have been an overreaction to encountering a lot of things and people who are different from himself. I suppose this is the next stage of our lives – getting less complete information from our kids about a lot of things and having to piece together the story a little bit. He stated that he dislikes all his classmates “a little bit” but that’s certainly an improvement over “everyone here is sexist and racist” so I think he’s calming down. I’m with those who stated that the university’s response to the sexist students is extremely encouraging.</p>
<p>The pre-college program is a great idea, but consider who may want to enroll their child in it? For some students, it may be a chance to meet people and get adjusted to college life. For some students, their parents might encourage this because they have never been away from home and need some experience. The school demonstrated that it doesn’t tolerate their behavior. The next step is to see if they learned their lesson. Maybe they will.</p>
<p>This could be an opportunity for your son to make positive change on campus by joining one of the student groups that promotes tolerance. </p>
<p>When I started reading your post, Pennylane, I thought you were going to say “Parents who can’t stand their kid anymore and want them gone”… lol. Although there may be a few of those too! </p>
<p>OP, things often calm down a few weeks into the semester. At the beginning a lot of students are feeling insecure and deal with it in different ways; unfortunately, some kids deal with their insecurity by trying to act what they think is “cool” in college–even though it’s really not. And a lot of kids want to be seen as "cool’ which they think means “brotastic.”</p>
<p>A few weeks from now, people will all have begun finding their real tribes, the people where they don’t need to keep up an act. The reality of classes and other responsibilities will have kicked in–especially as the first graded assignments come in. A good number of kids stop talking a big party game and buckle down to academic life.</p>
<p>There will still be a group of “bros”–there always is. They are always the loudest and for that reason the most noticeable.</p>
<p>But other students will be finding each other and forming their own groups as well. The brotastic crew will be irrelevant to their to their lives.</p>
<p>Sewanee is known as a place where academics are respected–the whole gown thing, etc. I am betting that if he lets himself, your son will find his people.</p>
<p>lol Barnard Mom!</p>
<p>I thought the same thing, Barnard Mom!</p>
<p>Any time a kid says something like, “everyone here is sexist and racist” I think it’s safe to assume he’s over-reacting. It simply isn’t possible that can be true at a college as respected as Sewanee which has over 1000 students (and for those like Cobrat who love to assume that everyone in the south is a knuckle-dragging redneck, the vast majority of the students are from ~40 other states).</p>
<p><a href=“and%20for%20those%20like%20Cobrat%20who%20love%20to%20assume%20that%20everyone%20in%20the%20south%20is%20a%20knuckle-dragging%20redneck,%20the%20vast%20majority%20of%20the%20students%20are%20from%20%7E40%20other%20states”>quote</a>.
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<p>The part I was most concerned with was several students getting tossed out of a sexual harassment seminar for horsing around along with the sexist/racist attitudes OP’s S found. </p>
<p>Not that everyone there was racist. </p>
<p>Plus, for some students…it only takes a critical mass of students behaving badly to ruin their college experience…such as campuses where a critical mass of partying students dominate the campus/dorm life. </p>
<p>Hence, it can be much more complicated and nuanced than some parents here are willing to give credit for. </p>
<p>Also, I did post earlier agreeing with those who say OP’s S needs to give it a semester to give the campus a fair chance. </p>
<p>However, that doesn’t mean parents can or should automatically dismiss serious issues…such as the exhibited presence of racism/sexism from one’s classmates. </p>
<p>What the OP’s son said was an expression. An exaggeration. No one else likely took it literally. </p>
<p>@kitty56 what were the issues you encountered?</p>
<p>My DD considered Sewanee and we’d have been happy to have her attend. It does have its quirks but my sense was that everyone did find their place on campus. As an aside, I’m a Northern Californian by birth and I still have trouble with the Yes Ma’am thing… 25 years later! </p>
<p>Have your son talk with his RA. They are usually well trained to deal with this issue.</p>
<p>I’m from the Northeast and my DH is from Southern California. Our kids were taught to respond with, “Yes, please.” and “No, thank you.” We love all the “Yes, sirs.” and “No, ma’ams.” we’re met with in the South!</p>
<p>Frankly, I don’t understand why anybody finds good manners offensive. Unless someone gives you reason to believe otherwise, try not to question their motives. Too many people take offense where none is intended. There are a**holes everywhere. Some hide behind the nicest of demeanors, while others are much more upfront in their contempt. Nonetheless, if you look for the best in people, you will mostly be met with kindness. </p>
<p>Early college programs can be mixed bags. Sometimes they’re filled with kids whose parents can’t wait to get them out of the house. Others are comprised of kids with special interests. Neither is likely to be truly representative of a school, but thankfully most colleges and universities have a nice mix of students.</p>
<p>@Momzie, I’m glad to hear things are looking up for your son!</p>