<p>This was several years ago, and improvements may have been made since then. But the biggest issue was the internet speed in the dorm. It was so slow, he could not upload his CS homework or watch a Youtube video. He tried and we tried talking to IT about it, but the guy was just blatantly rude to us all. Another issue was that he found the course work in each of his classes far less challenging than he thought it would be. The CS courses were not going to get him where he wanted to be. And the social life left a lot to be desired for him. He found that 90% of the new freshmen in his dorm were doing a sport of one kind or another. So they were frequently off with their teams either practicing or socializing. This was a small college in a small town and even though we were told that there was a lot of campus programming and things to do, he did not find that to be true.</p>
<p>He transferred to a larger university with more rigorous academics that was in a city and he fit in like he had been there from the beginning. Transferring was the best thing for him. It taught him a lot about himself and gave him a lot of strength and confidence since it is not easy to start over like that. </p>
<p>“Son just messaged me to say that everybody at his college is really racist and sexist and a bunch of guys just got thrown out of the sexual harassment seminar for horsing around and he wants to transfer. PLease reassure me that it’s normal to wonder if you belong somewhere – People don’t really decide after 48 hours that they’re going to transfer, do they?”
-This seems to be presumptuous on your S’s part. How he can judge EVERYBODY in his school based on experience of 2 days. He needs to raise up, mature quickly (literallly forget about judging people so fast) and stick around and be patient and accepting. With his attitude he will not like it anywhere. Remember, they feel 'free", parents are not there to watch over them, it makes some of them crazy, at least temporarily and your S. needs to understand the situation.
“a bunch of guys just got thrown out of the sexual harassment seminar for horsing around” - well, some immature guys just got bored, this cannot be a ground for such a serious decision as a transfer.
Here is warning to those who are still in HS and will apply soon. Research your future UG very carefully, visit several times, stay overnights, talk to current students, spend time with potential sport team, talk to student in you planned majors, study program. All this talks about ranking and where you can get in, matches and reaches is a waste of time. Kid has to find his/her own place where everything matches to applicant personality and very wide range of interests, everything includes specifics of the program, STUDENT BODY, dorms, campus itself, even food service. It is very important to feel comfortable to be able to focus on your goals, to reach your highest potential. The rankings and various literature will not help you to choose such a place, got to find it on your own thru your own experiences.<br>
I would tell my kid that he is a man now, need to stick around longer and check out kids around him, I bet he will find plenty who are similar to him. Best wishes!</p>
<p>I absolutely agree. In our case, we did visit several times, talk to current students, etc. He did not do an overnight at this college because, ironically, he did an overnight at the college he eventually transferred to and hated the overnight experience! He did do a weeklong summer exploration camp at his original choice college and liked it. He made a few friends there that attended the college and kept in touch with them. But apparently, they did not have issues with the things he had issues with. He did not have a chance to speak with a student in his major (CS), but did meet with a CS professor a few times and liked her. But the actual coursework was disappointing. Apparently everybody else just dealt with the very slow internet speed.</p>
<p>We were able to convince him to complete the semester (he would have left immediately if we had agreed. He stuck it out because we asked him to). I thought maybe it was just being in a new place and that in time he would adjust and things would fall into place. So until the very last minute, he did not tell them that he was leaving - in case he changed his mind.</p>
<p>So even though we did as much as we thought we needed to do (we must have visited at least ten times for various events - even went to one of the college’s basketball games), there were some things that did not come to light until he actually moved in to begin freshman year. But everything worked out the way it was supposed to and transferring was actually a good experience for him.</p>
<p>“While I agree with everyone who says he needs to give it a semester to find his own group, if this is a continuing problem he cannot or is unable to address/deal with after that period, transferring to another school is reasonable.”</p>
<p>I agree, too. I knew I wanted to transfer out of my LAC on the third night, when my whole class was participating in a ritual I found stupid and juvenile. I tried to make it work, but it never did. The OP’s son should put 100% effort into finding a happy place for himself at this school, and chances are good that that will work. But if it doesn’t, get good grades and go elsewhere.</p>
<p>It took our DD until the second semester to find her group. The first semester she spent studying (a lot she was an engineering major), getting to know the school, expectations, meeting people, etc. She had met the people that became good friends the first semester but they really bonded 2nd semester. Many kids have spent years establishing the friends they had in HS and to go to college and be comfortable in an environment where no one knows anyone is likely rare. For many the kids they start hanging out with in the beginning will not be the ones they call friends at the end of the year. Good luck.</p>
<p>For mine, there were many aspects that her UG matched her very well, but the one that she mentioned the most was “pretty campus”. She propbably would have tolerated otherwise, but why not if whatever pleases one, why not have it? It was her initial school #2 (on her list) and never moved to #1 spot at all. However, she was applying to selective programs (not at selective colleges at all) and the program at her #1 rejected her pre-interview. She was accepted to the program (that had only 10 spots to incoming preshman) at her #2 choice. Both colleges gave her great Merit packages, which was an icying on the cake. Now looking back and knowing both scools very very closely, D. believes (and we do also), that she went to the right college for herself, she has absolutely no regrets, worked perfectly and exceeded her and ours expectations in all aspects, including something that was not planned at all - lifelong dream to visit NZ and participating in Greek that ended up one of D’s best experiences that is still paying off. Again, as an icying on the cake, D. graduated as the top pre-med in her UG class, we never ever expected or aim at that (it was a huge surprise to her also). One reason for success (and the major reason) was that the place was a perfect match (including pretty campus!)
So, one additional comment. #1 is not always the best. The one that shows the biggest love towards your applicant might just work out ery well.
I still say that 2 days is by far is way too short to make any decisions. What if you do not like your job 2 days after you start? There is a good chance for it. Would you start looking after 2 days? That might be one of the greatest mistakes in your life. The same goes for student, who wants to transfer after 2 days. Something tells me that he may not be happy at another place either after 2 days being there.</p>
<p>Miami, that’s a good point – about the job. He seems to be adjusting better. Today will be the first day we have not texted. I’m trying to get some distance and some space.</p>
<p>He picked his school for a reason. I’d tell him to take a deep breath and not judge a whole school on the actions of a few idiots. Suggest that he wait a bit, see how classes go, look into clubs and activities that interest him and hopefully he will find his group there. If it truly isn’t the right school, he can consider transferring.</p>
<p>^^I know a kid who did just that. He went to a school in the South (not Sewanee) and was appalled at the racism he encountered - guys at fraternity parties even sang songs about “white power.” He didn’t want to be a quitter and did his best to make it work, but in the end he transferred and just finished his first year of medical school. Sometimes you have to spend some time in the wrong place before you realize what’s right for you. </p>
<p>^I had a friend who had a similar experience – except that it was at a school in upstate New York. She was appalled at both the racism and sexism there, but she stuck it out.</p>