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<p>hahahahahaha</p>
<p>that’s like saying “i like my black roommate, i just think he could have spent less time in the sun”.</p>
<p>^lol. I guess that was a bad way to put it?</p>
<p>I didn’t mean it that way. I have nothing against gay people. (My favorite cousin is gay. I hang out with him and his boyfriend a lot.)</p>
<p>I just find the idea of being with another girl repulsive. I’m not going to be mean or rude or judge the person though because they are gay. Honestly, I’d rather someone say they’re gay than bisexual.</p>
<p>But like I said, I worded that really poorly. =/</p>
<p>To AUGirl, a lot of gay girls would find the idea of being with a man repulsive. Going by your instinctual feelings to judge somebody on an issue like this is pretty freakin’ dumb, seeing as it’s the instinctual feelings that are the issue in the first place.</p>
<p>cdover, I really, REALLY recommend not telling your roommate unless he asks or unless you’re introducing a boyfriend or something like that. Why the hell should you have to? By telling him for the sake of telling him, you’re basically saying “go ahead and have a problem with homosexuality if you want, I’ll give in.” Gay people are forced to live in a predominantly straight world and we deal with it. If he has a problem with your sexuality, something he should never have to encounter in the first place, then he can just learn to get over it. </p>
<p>To all these people who want “full honesty,” no one ever reveals every single detail about themselves when they meet someone new. Love, lust, and sex are probably the last thing you want to talk about with someone you’re just getting to know. </p>
<p>So PLEASE cdover, for your own dignity and self-worth tell him when (or if) it comes up, don’t make it a priority in itself. If you want homosexuality to be accepted, don’t give people a chance to deny you respect by choosing not to be your roommate.</p>
<p>On one hand, I don’t know why you would need to tell him unless it came up, and certainly don’t mention it right away. Sexual orientation is an intimate issue, and I know I’d feel uncomfortable if some stranger tried to talk to me about it. It would make the relationship almost invariably awkward, especially if your roommate happened to be a homophobe. </p>
<p>On the other hand, if you feel like you’re not being true to yourself or to him by not saying anything (or if you regard being gay as a “personality trait” rather than a sexual preference), might as well tell him to clear the air. That said, I don’t agree with the people that say it’s “dishonest” not to tell, or that you’ll be “living a lie” if you don’t reveal that aspect of your personality. </p>
<p>Either way, just be respectful of your roommate and expect the exact same from him…</p>
<p>I don’t think you have to tell him if you don’t want to
and it certainly won’t be dishonest, but if it was me, i would like to know beforehand rather than later.
it gives me time to prepare, i guess</p>
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<p>Not agreeing with the gay lifestyle = suggesting blacks spend less time in the sun?</p>
<p>Mmm ok. The gay friends I have most ppl wouldn’t even know. In fact I didn’t even know when they came out…since they were good guys that loved to hang out just as much as me. These guys weren’t big fans of the gay pride scene or whatever it is, and I applaud them for being their own person.</p>
<p>So are you trying to say that all gays are a part of the flaming gay pride scene? Because that’s a pretty misinformed stereotype.</p>
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<p>The point is, being gay is not a lifestyle. Just like being black is not a lifestyle. They are just things that “are” about a person.</p>
<p>I am gay and coming out to my roommate unfolded itself. Waiting until it “comes up” is always preferential - but I know that when I wasn’t honest upfront, it gave me an excuse to hide it for weeks (I’d be purposely ambiguous about significant others, and then I would start being confusing and saying things about girls, then I would deny being gay, etc. It was a bit of a domino effect). However another gay dude on the floor outed me (not very nice, but in the end it was ok). My roommate was totally chill and also totally floored. He was like, “What?! I never would have guessed.” And I was like, yeah, haha…sorry about that. But he knew why I would want to hide it. He didn’t feel entitled to knowing it. </p>
<p>It is your choice how you want to come out. Lay it on the table, if that’s your style. Put it on your FB page under orientation, if THAT’S your style. Or wait until somebody flat out asks about what girls you find hottest/if you have a girlfriend/etc. But if you do wait, be careful. Going to college can be like somebody pushing you back in the closet. It’s a new environment and it’s scary. Don’t be afraid; don’t make excuses to be ambiguous or lie, cuz you will just dig yourself into a hole. For that reason, I suggest coming out early, whatever you do. There will be a definite opportunity. Don’t miss it ;).</p>
<p>dain3265, what do you need to prepare for when having a gay roommate?</p>
<p>HIV/AIDS. jk jk jk jk</p>
<p>I’d say more than anything morons coming by your room and saying things like “■■■■■■!” or dropping off religious material.</p>
<p>is it just me or are there a lot of gays on this forum?
also, i would prefer to know beforehand because i have a bad habit of using “gay” “■■■■■■” “queer” and “homo” when i speak. i wouldn’t want to offend anyone/ embarrass myself or make things awkward.</p>
<p>Maybe you should refine your vocabulary. You shouldn’t be using those words anyway. </p>
<p>See how this strikes you.</p>
<p>“Also, I would prefer to know beforehand if any minorities were around because I have a bad habit of using ■■■■■■■■■ “wet back”, “chink” and “kike” when I speak. I wouldn’t want to offend anyone/ebarrass myself or make things awkward.”</p>
<p>i will not “refine my vocabulary,” but i am willing to limit my usage of certain words if it offends people.
“gay” is commonly used as an unoffensive word and shouldn’t really be compared to racial slurs. it’s more like saying “that’s so black,” “that’s so white,” or “he’s such a jew.” i use gay and ■■■ around gay friends and they’re not uptight enough to care.</p>
<p>Um. Wow. Okay.</p>
<p>I find it offensive and so do others I know. Gay isn’t a slur but you are using it in a derogatory and demeaning way. ■■■ is always a slur.</p>
<p>Attack you are very naive if you think using any of those statements you just made is an acceptable way of speaking to anyone. You need a serious reality check.</p>
<p>Attack, isn’t limiting your words when you’re around people that they’re going to offend being two-faced? You wouldn’t say “he’s such a jew” around a Jewish person or call someone a “■■■” around a gay person; then what makes them so acceptable and “unoffensive” when you’re not around those people?</p>
<p>I try not to make a big deal out of this because so many people use the phrase that it’s not worth getting worked up over. But it’s really frustrating to see that some people care more about the words they use than the people who are put down by them.</p>
<p>frown power</p>
<p>My brother has had two gay roommates: one from the first housing draw and now again in his second year (he and his two best friends, one of whom is gay, are shared a rather spacious double).
His first roommate never mentioned being gay. He moved out about 3 weeks into the semester without much notice; I gather that he just wasn’t that happy with the whole being away from home thing.
My brother’s best friend who he met at the beginning of second semester is openly gay. He’s a great guy, they get along wonderfully, and tramp all around campus and the surrounding area together.
(Might I add that my brother, although a nice guy, never had any gay friends in high school. Most of the gay kids in our area stay closeted, and I don’t blame 'em; it’s not a very receptive community). </p>
<p>For my .02, I say tell your roommate. Anyone who dislikes you for so arbitrary a reason is probably not that super anyway.</p>
<p>panther, i would say “he’s such a jew” around a Jewish person as well as “■■■” around a gay person. but if someone is offended by it or if i’m speaking to a gay or a Jewish person i just met i admit it comes off as very ignorant. i agree it is pretty two faced but at the same time different social situations call for different mannerisms. i wouldn’t speak in slang to a professor or curse at the dinner table.
michael, “acceptable” is very subjective.
and fiyero, i apologize if i have offended you, but at the same time i do have the right to speak as i please.</p>
<p>Attack, you also have the right to be respectful. We all have free speech. We don’t go around verbally attacking people or using racial slurs, though, because we also have compassion for other people and don’t reduce others to stereotypes or use words like gay or jew as insults. </p>
<p>We’re not arguing with the fact that different situations call for different mannerisms, but that’s not the point here. The point is you’re relying on stereotypes of a group of people like jews, gays, blacks, and whites to insult someone. If you don’t have the guts to let the jewish/gay/black/white person you’ve just met know you actively employ those stereotypes then you’re being two-faced, not polite. It comes off as very ignorant no matter who you’re talking to, whether you notice it or not.</p>