Perhaps this thread brings up another thing to consider during college financial planning and the college money talk, if the parents are not wealthy enough to allow their kids to choose colleges without cost constraints:
If one kid goes under budget, what happens to the remaining college money? Is it held for other use (e.g. professional school) by that kid, or is it used to relax cost constraints for the other kids?
Not every family will have the same answers, but it may be better to think and talk about it earlier than later.
“I cannot imagine giving a child extra money because they went to a less expensive college than their sibling. But if you have decided as parents that there is X money in the pot and it can be spent any way the student wants than that is the family contract.”
To me this illustrates why the cost of college is going to keep going up. People don’t think of it as “real” money in the same way as more concrete purchases involving similar amounts of expenditure. That’s going to make the eventual breakdown of this cost escalator all the more painful.
If you were going to help your kids out with buying a first car or making a down payment on their first home, would you give one of them more if they said “this more expensive car/home is a much better fit for me”? Of course some families favor one sibling over another, and treat them unequally as a result, but that’s a different issue.
Why does this matter? We have no idea what these parents are or aren’t doing for their twins financially other than pay for them to attend college.
I’m not sure this worth thinking about.
My kids went to college enough years apart that the second kid’s COA was about $20,000 a year more than the first…for private schools. This meant I paid $80,000 more for kid two.
So what? My kids both went to their first choice colleges…and we are not wealthy.
You know even not wealthy parents spend different amounts on their kids for varying things.
My kids didn’t care about this at all. All they really knew was that they were fortunate to have us pay their college bills.
Who would say such a thing? This issue strikes me as a big “who cares— none of our business. They are lucy to be able to be in a position financially to send each to college. Fair doesnt always mean equal. They are both treated fairly.
I have one kid full pay at a costly LAC. The other kid is applying now and seems to want many of our in-state, far less expensive, options. How will I handle it? I will write one large check and one smaller check. I did not plan of giving them “X” number of dollars. I planned on paying for their undergraduate education.
Seems logical for the two kids to go to the best school for each without paying the difference to the one going to the less costly school. Years ago I know of a full pay family where one child went to Stanford and the other a non-flagship state U. Kids got the education best for each of them. No need for a high cost private school just because it was affordable.
@jym626 “Who would say such a thing?” I raised this because we have a not insignificant chance of being in precisely that position in two months time. One twin with a full or near full scholarship (at what might be considered a less prestigious school) and one with admission to an expensive school. Both are their top choices. Both have an equal amount in their college fund which is about half the cost of the expensive school. We couldn’t realistically afford to pay for them both to go to the expensive school (the application was made knowing it was almost certainly not affordable without a scholarship and that didn’t work out).
It is a life changing amount of money involved in the decision. I’m not going to hide that from them. So it may turn out that one goes to the second choice because it matches the amount in their own college fund or ends up with a big loan to go to the expensive college or aims to graduate in 3 years to save money. I’m not going to take the money from one to fund the other. Would we help with the more expensive college to the extent we could? Yes, but only if we felt we could give the same help to the other (e.g. a house downpayment) later on. They chose where to apply to and looked at the NPC results for each school beforehand. They both have some more and some less expensive colleges on their lists and dropped many desirable schools from consideration that we knew wouldn’t be affordable. Perhaps unusually, they both have a pretty good idea what they want to do after college, and how their degrees fit into those plans.
Maybe it would be different without the college funds sitting there with their names on them. But to be honest I think it’s better to understand quite how much money a nearly $300K undergrad degree actually represents in terms of years of work and saving.
I’m surprised that the vast majority of people on this thread feel that it’s more relevant to view it as just paying for an “undergraduate education” regardless of the cost. But as I noted above, I think that’s why colleges feel free to keep increasing the sticker price every year, because the difference in cost is a smaller consideration for many people than it would be for other comparably large expenditures.
I’m shocked at how many of their school friends are choosing much more expensive colleges for fairly marginal differences in quality/experience without much (if any) thought about the costs involved. For example I don’t understand who pays full OOS tuition for Oregon over a UC unless money is no object. I do feel the same pull of “they should go to the college that’s the best fit” but I hope I can step back from that emotional response when making a final decision.
Per the OP’s original question regarding how wealthy would deal with two schools with big price differences…there is an overall attempt to be fair but perhaps not within that moment. Wealthy kids know they have options and the parents are able to afford them different things they want or need at different times. It all balances out in the end, or that is the intent. There isn’t such a worry about balance, because there is always money there, if that makes sense. The parents can afford it, so it works.
Re paying more for a OOS Oregon versus a UC - you may see them as only marginally different, I see them as miles apart, so perhaps the people paying for them see them differently than you do as well. Some wouldn’t go to a UC if it was free and have the luxury of making that choice. Someone may feel that way about another school. Everyone is different. The sample posting on here is so teeny tiny and many different perspectives are not included in conversations.
Wow @Twoin18 , take a deep breath. Your kids are surely bright, so there is no need to say such a thing to them. They are well aware of the cost differential. As others have said, its your money, not theirs, and if its earmarked for education, then use it for education, regardless of whether its an even-steven allocation. If each twin is able to attend their first choice school because one is choosing a more affordable school, well, tant mieux. If you feel the need to make the twin attending the $$$ school be aware of the higher cost, you can have that student take out a Stafford loan. You dont have to, but you could. You are the one deciding that the college funds have to be even-steven, not them. It’s your money, not theirs. No rule says you have to split it evenly all the time.
With 2 in school at the same time, your EFC should be lower. If your EFC comes in at full-pay for the “better” school (again each school seems to be the “best” school for each twin as each is their first choice so I wouldn’t use that differential either) then your finances must be in pretty good shape if your efc is full pay for the private. Separately, many, if not perhaps most parents here would be unlikely to justify paying $300K for an undergraduate education unless it made no dent in their savings, retirement $, cash that could be allocated for grad/professional school, etc.
My two kids each attended their first choice colleges, and in both cases, they made good choices that were very appropriate for them. One was our flagship state university. The other was a private university. We were full-pay (though far from wealthy), so the difference in cost was quite large.
I have often felt that the one who went to the less expensive school should have been compensated in some way, but now that I read this thread, I think that maybe there is nothing to compensate for. They both got what they wanted. They both had no undergraduate debt. Both have careers now that are working out well. So maybe there wasn’t any unfairness.
I’m sure the wealthy kid the OP knows who is going to the less costly school could have applied to a MORE costly school and gotten accepted.
For all we know…the less costly instate flagship is UVA or Michigan, or UCLA or Cal, or any of the very highly regarded flagship universities in this country.
I started college 11 years after my oldest sister started college. Because the costs increased a lot faster than inflation, my parents spent more on me than on her. It never occurred to me until I read this thread, and I’m sure it will never occur to my parents or sister. There’s no unfairness that needs to be equalized. We received the same degree of support.
Twoin18: The question was not did you allow one kid to go to the highest priced school and require others to go to the bargain, but whether the money had to be even. None of my kids went to their top choice school because of cost. But even within the affordable options, there were differences in price - partly due to the fact that the youngest started college 8 years after the oldest.
If you can’t afford for one twin to attend her top choice, you can’t afford it and she has to go to her next choice. If you can with some shifting of 529 money, that is a different decision. Does the one going to the less expensive school have a career plan that requires grad school? That money would be valuable for that purpose.
Both Kids have enough money for 2 years of a private school in 529. Kid A is going to private school right now with some merit. For what kid A wants to study to made the most sense, and we will be making it work Kid B might be able to go instate for what they want to study. In that case some 529 funds might be transferred to kid A due to tax issues, but in return we might get kid B a car, for also the reason that they would be close to home and drive more. We are not wealthy but in good financial shape. Kids both know that we will do whats best for each, and neither would be upset about spending more on education for one than the other. When kid B decides, whether in state, or private, it will be their choice.
My kids are both in college- one year apart. The oldest received a full ride. It had never occurred to us to tell the kids that money not spent on college for one won’t go to the next kid. Oops. So we did have to have that conversation with the youngest, who immediately came to the conclusion that he could spend more for college when he learned how little we had to pay for the oldest.
In reality the youngest son’s college costs more - his scholarship isn’t quite a full ride. He also needs a car next year, while the other one won’t. We will likely buy the oldest a car when he needs one, but he’s already indicated that won’t be next year.
They will both get their 529 accounts eventually, and those have the exact same balances since we aren’t drawing from them for undergrad costs. Our will leaves them equal amounts currently but we aren’t opposed to changing that if we help one substantially in the next few decades.
Our kids have different interests and different lives. I’m not keeping a ledger. I love them dearly but only Christmas spending drives me crazy trying to keep the amounts roughly the same. If they were carbon copies of each other it’d be much easier.
We were very fortunate to be able to pay for any school our kids wanted. If one chose a less expensive school than the other that was fine. But no we wouldn’t “make it up” to the other. Both chose relatively expensive schoolthough one was about 10 K more than the other.
If she wanted, I’d offer public U girl 2 a new car this summer or next if there are freshman car restrictions on campus. A new Jeep Wrangler Unlimited costs as much as the one year difference. Parents are still far ahead ($120,000+) because she went to a public U, but it also symbolizes that girl 1 is getting an expensive luxury item, and I think casually ignoring this fact isn’t wise. Teens have no concept of money.
A California student paying full out-of-state price at Oregon (no scholarships) may not have gotten into any UCs (or maybe just the “less desirable” ones) or CPSLO. So the choice may have been Oregon versus a commuter-based CSU. If the student values the “flagship residential college experience” and the parents are willing to pay for it, it is easy to see why such a student would go to Oregon.
Those choosing Oregon despite being admitted to UCs may have gotten substantial scholarships, so that the price difference may not be as large.
We are lucky to be able to afford college for both of our kids and consider it a necessity. Over the years one kid has cost us more for medical- I wouldn’t ever make that up to the other and I consider college to be in the same category.
Now if we couldn’t afford it, we would have budgeted out equally. If one got merit or didn’t need all the money, we would talk with them about saving that for the next one or paying off the other’s debt.
