<p>Honey, you should never question yourself like this. I know these are your parents and you care for them and care what they think, but you are going to be an adult living in the real world, doing things for yourself. They are not always going to be there. One day they will be old and grey and will realize themselves that life is not about controling their kids forever or “things” or “status”. I am sure they only want the best for you, but you have to put your foot down. Have a mature conversation with them and let them know that they have raised a child with morals and a brain! They have guided you this far and have helped you become who you are today- AND THAT IS A GOOD THING- so with that statement being said, you let them know that you need their support and suggestions on occassion, BUT, it is your life and you need to make your own decicions here on out. It is healthy for you. Sometimes parents just need to hear it differently from someone else. We get stuck in our own way of thinking and tend not to hear what our babies are saying. You can do it. I wish you luck and it sounds like you have been on the right track so far. FYI: This information came from my son, he is 19 and on his way to college- creating his own destination.</p>
<p>spiralcloud, I’d like to chime in with a confession. I was like your parents and probably still am to a certain extent. However, I realized some time ago that I was wrong to enforce my will and left very little time for my kids to explore on their own. But I lacked the courage to admit that I was wrong and instead I reasoned that even if I was at fault, my way would still serve them well in the long run. I would venture to say that your parents probably have doubts in their mind about how they are treating you, but it is hard for them to drop their tough and authoritative stance to admit to you that they are wrong. In their heart, they honestly believe that their intention is good and that they love you more than anything else. But trust me, your cries and confrontations have put doubt in their minds. I had said to my son what your parents said to you, despite his perfect PSAT score and national/state championships/awards. And yes, my son is a kid whom many other parents would be proud to say “this is MY kid”.</p>
<p>A heart wrenching talk from my son after a major confrontation turned me around. Ill paraphrase part of it here. He told me with a sobbing voice after a major confrontation, "Dad, we never have any honest conversation without you end up telling me what to do or shutting me off or dismissing what I say. So I dont say anything anymore. I want encouragement; instead, I was told that I’m a failure and a disappointment whenever I stumble. What I’m good at, and like and enjoy, you disapprove and dismiss as distractions. Now I’m no longer good at these things and no longer have these passions. You killed them. Please don’t give me goals that are too far out, instead why don’t you give short ones that I know I can achieve, and when I do achieve them tell me good work son, now lets raise the bar a little higher. I never wanted to go to XYZ college, Im perfectly fine going to a less competitive school. I know Ill work hard and I know Ill do fine be successful at Im doing regardless of the college I end up going. Im really tired from all the work and I need to relax from time to time. There are times that both of my arms are numb one from writing down notes very fast and the other one from having to hold down the sheet while I write fast. I have no quality time to spend with friends, and now I dont have any best friend that I can really talk to. I want you to be proud of me. I love you Dad, I really do I was moved beyond words. I was ashamed of myself and proud of him all at the same time. I hold him in my arms and told him that I was sorry and ask him to forgive me. Love and caring scenes from the past since he was a baby went through my mind. I love him more than the whole world put together. All of a sudden I can see how talented my son is and how, instead of helping him, I have stunted his growth, and almost killed the fire within him.</p>
<p>I encourage you to have a heart-to-heart conversation with you parents. Use my story if it helps. I hope what I wrote here can help you. Please don’t leave this issue unresolved. Give your parents a chance. I’m glad my son did.</p>
<p>Wow. What an amazing story you shared. You and your son are very lucky to have had the conversation. You are very blessed.</p>