<p>I’m a parent and since I’m in high-tech, I have Chinese and Indian friends who do this sort of thing with their children. Although bragging rights may be involved, parents usually try to push medicine or engineering out of love and concern, because it is the one type of success that they’re familiar with. For instance, I have an Indian friend who took a test with 1000 other kids (from her village and the surrounding villages), and got one of the top scores. Because of this she went to engineering school,and this changed the course of her life. I could see her being very uneasy if her own daughter wanted to study theater arts, for instance.</p>
<p>So, try to appreciate their love and concern and try to educate them about other ways to be successful. If there are rich and successful lawyers in your community, point this out! Don’t expect them to listen right away, but know that they will eventually. And also, know that nothing they do now will permanently blight your chances. You’ll have lots of good opportunities to do what you love. In fact, you’re holding all the cards, so try to be gracious to them. They’re doing what they think is best for you. (That’s what makes it so hard, isn’t it?)</p>
<p>Married to an Indian well over 20 years by now. Most Indians who immigrate to the US have strong math, science, medical or engineering backgrounds, therefore that is the world they know/relate to. Their educational system emphasized the academics whereas ours includes the whole person. Obviously my H is atypical (he married me, after all) but even his relatives and some friends, who all value education as much as I do, have allowed choices. Wish I could have talked to your parents over the years and taught them to value the ECs and nonscience subjects. Again, hang in there, and pm me if you want to.</p>
<p>ECs are what will distinguish you from the thousands of academic high achievers who apply to top schools every year. But as I and others have said, you don’t need to confront your parents with your choice of major, since this issue will not come up until your sophomore year anyway. Choose your battles and the timing of those battles.</p>
my parents will pay for what they don’t like. they just won’t do it happily.
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What makes you so sure? You said they refused to let you go to a day camp fifteen minutes. Does not that mean they refused to pay? Refused to sign permission? Refused to provide transportation?</p>
<p>Spiral, My W and I are first generation Asian immigrants with backgrounds in medicine and engineering, and possibly think a lot like your parents. I would say your best bet is to follow a path that both parties are comfortable with in the short term - one that can lead to medicine that your parents want or to law that you want. You then have four years to plan, line up the scholarships for post-BS education, and move on with your life.</p>
<p>Having said that, I must confess, that even knowing that the greatest achievers in society have for the most part been neither engineers or physicians, my W and I would also have been disappointed if any of our kids had shown a desire to step out of our comfort zone, knowing full well that many that we admire are exactly those people. </p>
<p>As to your ECs, for HS, I think you can try reasoning with them that communication skills are vital regardless of what you do, and any EC that gets you in the spotlight where you have to speak is great; once you get to college, it’s a moot point - your parents aren’t going to be able to supervise your every move, and you can do whatever EC you fancy.</p>
<p>I am a parent who feels for you. Although you may not get Cornell or UChicago, there are some very good schools which would give you a free ride and you can get out from under your parents’ thumbs. They will blackmail you (as to majors; withholding subsequent year support, etc.), and homilies such as “follow your dream” will NOT pay for tuition and R&B. The other alternative (which is somewhat radical and I doubt you would do it, but it is an alternative) is to become emancipated and hence, warrant need-based financial aid after some period of residency - this alternative puts places like UMich and Berkeley within reach. Best of luck.</p>
<p>Spiral - your academic career is yours, not your parents. </p>
<p>You must own it. Your parents will not take your classes and neither will they get your grades. Establish emotional separation from them - now. </p>
<p>I have not had parents in my life in any way (financially or otherwise) since my young teens. </p>
<p>I got to know the person in the mirror and be accountable to that person pretty early on. </p>
<p>It is time you do the same. </p>
<p>And yes, you do seem like a great kid. But that carries with it a burden that talent imposes, and you must be your own person. And if your parents don’t like it, well, my guess is that they will live with the circumstances. Make sure you contract precisely with them, and understand the obligations on both sides. And that is what it is - a contract - fulfill it and develop your own sense of self and accountability.</p>
<p>My mother wanted me to become a doctor. I told her very firmly at an early age that doctors were people who liked math and science, and that I was someone who preferred math and social studies, and planned to go to law school.</p>
<p>Given that real estate closings were handled by attorneys where I grew up, my parents must have met at least one lawyer at that point in their lives. I would be surprised to learn that they had encountered two of them.</p>
<p>They came around. I did go to law school, and I believe they’re almost as proud of me as they would have been had I become a doctor.</p>
<p>“The other alternative (which is somewhat radical and I doubt you would do it, but it is an alternative) is to become emancipated and hence, warrant need-based financial aid after some period of residency -”</p>
<p>Becoming an emancipated minor is very difficult. The OP would have to have a baby, join the military or get married in order for colleges not to consider the OP’s parents income in calculating need-based aid.</p>
<p>^^ Of the three choices, if you really want to become an emancipated minor–and have no particular religious qualms–marriage is by far the the most practical way.</p>
<p>Ugh, I’ve noticed quite a bit how Asians are paranoid that their daughters will date black men. They should get over themselves, as a black men I assure you we are not interested. I would not want to date an Indian girl.</p>
<p>i am so happy to know im not the only one going through this:) not too happy that we have to go through this at all but nice to not be alone:) anywho…my parents are trying to make me go to a community college and stay home for another two years:P because according to them im not ready for ANYTHING. this past year i have been on honor roll 3 times but that really doesn’t seem to matter to them. all they really seem to see are the bad grades:P Ug cant wait for this to be over</p>
<p>Though my children aren’t disappointments to me, they sometimes tell me they feel pressure to do well. I got my son this shirt [Constant</a> Source Of Disappointment | Glarkware](<a href=“http://www.glarkware.com/adult/constant-source-of-disappointment]Constant”>http://www.glarkware.com/adult/constant-source-of-disappointment) , which pokes fun at that. It reminds me to lighten up about my expectations, and gives him permission to relax a bit, too. I don’t think this will fix the OP’s problem, but the post made me think of how something as small as a shirt helps create dialogue about expectations.</p>
<p>Sometimes the conflict really isn’t between parent and child but is actually all an internal conflict within the child. Our oldest child has had a hard time ruling out medical school throughout his college years and thus has taken a very difficult time-intensive course of study. This is not because we are pushing medical school - we would love to have seen him give it up and not bother with the pre-requisites and worry over gpa. He will ask us our opinion about job prospects in various fields and we answer as honestlly as possible - medicine seems to offer near total job security, a high floor to your earnings but a lot of stress, long years in school and perhaps ultimately lower earning potential than a business or other careers. And then we tell him it isn’t all about money and so forth. So basically we tell him it’s anyone’s guess and he will have to make the decision himself. This can make him upset with us. It’s tough to make these big decisions in real time while you’re coming of age in your young adult years. Some kids are more at peace with the uncertainty and decision-making than others.</p>
<p>“I know that I am a disappointment to you. You could only be proud of me if I was headed to medical school. But frankly, you are both also a disappointment to me. I had really hoped for better parents, parents who could make me proud of them by their support of whatever I want to do”.</p>
<p>i am yet another asian kid. i seriously have no rights in that house. i hope, spiralcloud, you find a way not to compromise, and this might just be the thing for you!</p>
<p>at Yale if u wanna be pre-med u don’t have to be a bio/pre-med major! there are just pre-med REQUIREMENTS (i.e. courses). i don’t really know all the details but you could do a poly sci. or econ or whatever major with pre-med requirements. it will surely get your parents off your back. Yale’s so nice :)</p>