Your kid should not be telling others what to do unless they ask for his advice. He needs to learn to smile and nod.
Some students and parents are excited when they receive an unsolicited viewbook or mailer from UChicago, Duke and yes even Harvard. I really have to bite my tongue not to say “No, you are not being recruited by these schools.”
My D just smiles and nods when she gets the same questions regarding her list. She’s very happy with her list and isn’t concerned with anyone else’s opinion. She is, however, concerned about her BFF who hasn’t got a clue and has no help at home. I’ve offered to help, but he’s not concerned enough to accept it. He’ll probably end up at the local CC, which is ok.
Both my DD and myself are in a very similar position. I knew nothing and started reading CC. Now, we probably know too much. Both my DD and I give out general advice when asked - know your finances and run the NPC and the definition of a safety school. I know it does not work to try to give advice on the dream schools but sometimes you can broaden their outlook. I also recommend people read CC. When they hear the same advice over and over again, they might actually listen.
Well as far as that list, not getting enough aid IS a valid reason for getting out of ED.
I remember when I first got on CC–I discovered that housing bill at son’s college was due the next day. We would have missed it. Panic time! I’ve gotten pretty smart since then.
Fortunately we had a fantastic HS guidance counselor who really did know her stuff. Think CC was her friend too.
Eventually your son will learn to bite his tongue unless his advice is actually asked for. Just keep telling him that what he does may keep people from telling him anything in the first place–they’ll cut him out.
Whatever happened to that old “smile and nod” thread here on CC? A neighbor told me that her son got a $20,000/ year merit scholarship to attend Boston College. From CC I knew that BC gives 15 full tuition merit scholarships, all other aid being need based. Time to smile and nod.
“Smile and nod” is definitely what I keep trying to preach.
I generally ascribe to the “Not my monkeys, not my circus” philosophy, but in this case, perhaps a dispassionate OP-ED in the school newspaper (do schools still have those??? 
) would help him put his thoughts together and get them off his chest. And it will also challenge him to learn to put those thoughts out there diplomatically and in a manner that the average student can receive. Will anybody read it? Probably only a few, but even if he only helps one or two, it will have been worth it. And he’ll know he did all he could to be helpful and to “educate” so he can (ideally) move on.
As much as clueless students concern me, it’s when guidance counselors offer terrible advice (neither my nor my son’s experience, BTW), that I get irritated. And frustrated.
Ultimately, however, there’s really no excuse for the vast majority of high-flying students to be so ignorant of the process. If they’re smart enough for an Ivy, they’re smart enough to do their homework (and the math) about college admissions.
The girl who will ED to NYU “Of course I don’t have 70K a year, but I will get aid. Everyone gets aid at NYU.”.
– He could say: “Hmm…I have heard differently and read stories about people with so much debt that go there. But just do some more research just to make sure.”
The boy who is convinced that his numerous siblings means he won’t have to pay anything at elite schools. (Dad owns company, mom also employed- they are not poor)
–He could say “Hmmm…maybe…have you tried one of the Net Price Calculators on the colege’s website? That will give you a clearer picture.”
The teacher who says, go ahead and ED. If you can’t afford it, they’ll let you out.
—Actually, that is true. But why waste ED on something you can’t afford unless you think you have a real chance for merit?
The boy who can totally afford his top college but has not such great test scores, but figures money talks more than scores (he may be right)
—Maybe…but what are your other options, just in case?
So basically don’t immediately disagree, but try to steer them towards researching more…and if they don’t, at least you tried.
Love the “not my circus not my monkeys” theme.
Sounds like your son overshares – how does everyone know his SAT score?
That’s a very interesting idea and I think he’d like that a lot.
The GC and staff at the school have been feeding these kids a lot of bad information. From our very first open house freshman year, we were told that the IB diploma and EE was our ticket into any school we wanted. And we’ve heard over and over about the valedictorian from several years ago who got a full ride to Yale (totally didn’t know those didn’t existed until I joined…) They are basically promised that they are all so smart and so special that any school will pay them to attend.
It wasn’t until one of his teammates was devastated to learn that not only would MIT not give him aid, our state flagship wouldn’t even (that was a very angry family if ever I met one) that I started doing my own research and realizing that none of our kids were anything more than average excellent and that there was more to the story.
I do admit being frequently baffled that other parents haven’t likewise dug deeper into the process but I’ll admit that I really have been “not my monkey, not my circus.” DS, on the other hand, feels a responsibility that really is not his own and which resulted in a fairly stern talk last night. He has heard me tell some of the more tragic stories that pop up here and he does not want to see that happen to his friends. An OP-ED would be a great opportunity for him to mention things like NPCs and federal loan limits (neither of which was mentioned during the senior Q&A with GC) as well as the importance of checking individual colleges to understand what merit aid is actually available (the flagship story is not unique to his teammate- that school gives very, very limited merit aid.) Maybe it will help, maybe it won’t. But it might very well help him feel like he did his part.
He’s been known to make study guides to help some of his classmates prep for tests. But he can’t take the tests for them. I think he might see this as the same idea.
@CTTC The whole class overshares. It’s bizarre to me how they all know each others tests scores, GPA and class rank. When I was in high school, I doubt I knew my own stats at any given time.
Regarding angry families: the Boston University admissions and financial aid offices have a “panic button” at their reception desks connected to the campus police office. It is used a few times each year when students/parents become enraged that they were not admitted or didn’t get the big scholarship/grant that would make BU affordable.
We used to know kids grades and scores growing up. Nobody thought much of it–it was a way to gauge how you stacked up in your class. At least with kids I hung out with. And teachers would announce who made the highest grade on a test or paper (and sometimes the lowest which wasn’t so good). Long time ago.
I was surprised when son didn’t know how his friends were doing in 9th grade. He was like “nobody asks that!”
Well, at that time he was under performing–he could make A’s but brought home B’s. His teachers didn’t understand why he didn’t do better.
He thought everybody made B’s. For him a B was “good enough”. Explained to him that a B was good unless you were capable of better. Forget it.
I made him ask his friends about their grades-- and he found out they made A’s.
Well, wasn’t that a jump starter! A’s from there on out. The competition gene was finally ignited.
There’s a difference between knowing that your friends generally do well - they are in honors courses, make the honor roll- and knowing precise GPAs, test scores and the like. This falls under nosy suburban gossip to me - little different from the mommies who all know everyone’s business.
Don’t share TMI
Post #33, that’s hysterical. I was definitely laughing out loud over the panic button.
Re: the question in the OP. I don’t think I ever discussed what I learned here with my kids. Like, they never heard from me that NYU gives lousy aid, or that the acceptance rate at Yale is 5%.
Easiest way for your kid NOT to alienate friends…don’t chat it up with your kid about what you read on CC.
Something I will certainly keep in mind with the younger one. Horse has kind of left the stable on the older one…
Given that he might have injured himself at a race yesterday, I am fairly certain he won’t be talking about anything other than freaking out about the rest of his season…