<p>Reassure your daughter that it’s OK with you if she wants to consider a transfer. Generally speaking–small top tier private LAC student body’s tend to be rich, less diverse, and broken down into cliques. For her second time around, I’d recommend looking for:
–larger student body–this doesn’t necessarily mean that her classes
will be large. Often times, the larger colleges offer more sections
of each class resulting in classes with no more then 30 kids.<br>
–public over private----the lower price tag is attractive to a more
diverse cross section of kids. More diversity in race, economics,
nationalities, ideas, backgrounds, life experiences, etc.<br>
–a campus with easy access to off campus activities–restaurants, malls, access to a city for a day trip once in a while, etc.
Perhaps you can suggest that your daughter call the admission’s dept. of a few prospective colleges and explain her situation. I would hold back on criticizing her current school but rather focus on it not being a “good fit.” Look for the right fit rather than the ranking.</p>
<p>2college, I have spent the last 8 years working in the student health departments for 2 public universities. Based on my interactions w/ stressed out students and info gathered from our work-study students, your Ds course load is probably too heavy. Is it really too late to drop a class? If she cant join a study group she should inquire about tutors. Sometimes 2 or 3 students being tutored can get together and form a study group.</p>
<p>Regarding the social problems - I think your D has assessed the situation correctly. School has been in session for over a month and most new students are now in groups/subgroups. You know your D better than anyone else can she handle the stress of hard academics w/o a social support system? If the answer is NO I suggest she transfer.</p>
<p>Ds college search was last year also. In narrowing down her list of schools to the 8 in which she would actually submit an application - we eliminated all of the LACs. </p>
<p>This is JMO, but all the schools we visited had administrations very open to a diverse student body. The differences came in how the overall student body feels about diversity. At some schools the students view diversity as merely a necessary evil to maintain the institution’s high national ranking. These students have no desire to interact with those who are not like them. </p>
<p>This is somewhat off topic. Last year I had a very nice work-study student who told her friends she was a student volunteer .she didnt want them knowing she was on FA. I continue to be surprised and saddened by the importance of financial wealth/status in the social pecking order of todays college students.</p>
<p>"s. Based on my interactions w/ stressed out students and info gathered from our work-study students, your D’s course load is probably too heavy. Is it really too late to drop a class? "</p>
<p>The OP should be able to find out this info on the college website. It may be too late to drop a course and not have to pay for it, but it still may be possible to drop a course with a financial penalty.</p>
<p>In certain situations an academic advisor can approach the dean and request a student be allowed to drop a class after the official drop/add date w/o the usual penalties.</p>
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<p>Well, thanks to reading CC I’ve gotten this impression, and will not be suggesting small LACs to my kid - would not fit in easily.</p>
<p>That said, maybe your D should just put her head down, study hard and forget the friend aspect for a semester, and leave the place to the cliques.</p>
<p>And I’m very sorry she’s had this experience. My white niece was just married, attended by her black maid of honor. Both successful grads of a directional school.</p>
<p>TutuTaxi has a good point: talk to the dean and get her courseload reduced. If this is done for medical reasons (stress, for example), students can attend part time, but be considered an official full time student for school and insurance purposes. Whatever happens, she is likely there for the remainder of the semester unless you can get a guaranteed spot for her in January from one of the schools she originally turned down. If you can get a spring admit for her, she can drop out now and spend the rest of the semester working and start fresh again in January at a new school. Life is short, good to try to find happiness where you can. Good luck.</p>
<p>She should have time outside of studying. If she does not, her schedule is way too overburdened. My D. made tons of friends right away because of her participation in various (many) activities outside of school work. They live there and should have their support group. Without it, it is tough. D’s GPA is very high after Freshman year, but she allows herself time to relax, be with friends… It is important. If your D. goes to another school, it is still important to find activity outside of school work, be involved, make friends.</p>
<p>Our next-door-neighbor decided to attend a good northeast LAC known for being quite preppy, somewhat conservative and a bit wild socially. I remember thinking at the time, as her mother did, that this school might not ‘fit’ her personality, and for the entire first year this turned out to be the case. She felt she had nothing in common with the majority of the student body. She considered transferring, but valued the academics and decided to stick with it.
She don’t know if she ever really warmed up to the social life there, but by the second year had found her niche and ended up with a group of very close friends. But yes, it is so hard to hear that they are unhappy!</p>
<p>Is she at all religious? My dad was a college chaplain and he was always doing things like having students over for dinner. Students also tended to linger after services drinking coffee and eating donuts.</p>
<p>What is the % of minority students at her school? My daughter, a half latina, turned down a couple LACs that had trouble hitting 20%. She is now at a LAC that the minority population is in the low 30%s. She also sees a much larger number of biracial kids - Asian, AA, or Latino. Her name and her look don’t stick out like in high school.</p>
<p>I hope things improve for her soon. I guess I too would recommend getting the schedule a little lighter so she had more time to find a friendly activity.</p>
<p>This raises a point that may benefit some other posters - make the first quarter/semester a lighter than normal load even (and especially) for those with heavy majors like engineering. This allows more time to adjust to the different life of being a college student, allows more time to realize and get used to the workload of heavy college classes - different than HS, and allows more time to interact socially. In the scheme of things taking one less class the first semester has a negligible effect on the graduation time.</p>
<p>2Collegewego: I sent you a private message…</p>
<p>2college - please clear out you PM box.</p>
<p>Thank you so much for all your help! She got permission to drop one lab class and is still full-time. I had someone check in on her and they said what was making it worse is that a group of students was being mean to her. Those students found out that my daughter was thinking of leaving and they all got together and apologized to her. So things are better. She’s still lonely because she hasn’t joined activities (she promised me she would try one more club) but is feeling less overwhelmed and is not being picked on. I don’t think there’s anything much that can be done about the racial aspects of dating (which means that the black young women are overlooked for dating and many white young women quickly pair up-- which can take up any free time to spend with other females) but I’m still encouraging her to find some clubs. (There is a cultural club of AA students but daughter doesn’t want to join because it bothers her that AA students would have to join together to have friends. I’m trying to get her to think about it differently but she’s grown up in a very diverse community.) So she’s hanging in there.</p>
<p>“I don’t think there’s anything much that can be done about the racial aspects of dating (which means that the black young women are overlooked for dating and many white young women quickly pair up-- which can take up any free time to spend with other females)”</p>
<p>Big reason why if I had a D who was hetero, I’d check out the availability of black males at the colleges she’d consider applying to. Being able to have a decent social life is an important issue. College is where many people learn dating skills. Being overlooked because of one’s race is soul shattering. That was my h.s. experience where – due to the fact that there were no other black students in my entire h.s. class, and only 4 others in the entire h.s. of 1,500, I never went out on a date (including prom).</p>
<p>Women of other races are not as overlooked as are black women when it comes to dating. Add to the problem, black men are considered desirable romantic partners by nonblacks as well as blacks.</p>
<p>Northstarmom, I agree with you: the problem isn’t just if there are black men-- the problem is that so many of the black men have white girlfriends (and that the young men of other races won’t date the black women). Honestly, she wanted a small, New England liberal arts college and I don’t know what other school would have been better.</p>
<p>2college, so glad to hear things have started to turn around for your D.</p>
<p>2college, I tried searching for your D’s school but couldn’t figure it out. However, I am wondering if it’s one I have a bit of insight into. I am a kind of second mom to a minority student at a very rich, very white eastern LAC (highly ranked). He is now a junior. If this is the same school, he spent the better part of 2 years considering a transfer. He had many concerns similar to your D’s. He was raised as one of the guys, not as a minority. He wasn’t used to being treated as different due to his heritage. On top of that, he is low income. He was raised in an area that is socioeconomically mixed, so he is used to folks from all walks of life - but NOT the walks of life the majority of kids at that school are from! Everything was just surreal. He spent his first year studying, working a part time job, and participating in a varsity sport (not recruited, so didn’t always travel with the team). He told me many times how he missed having friends - he did things with people, but he never felt a part of things. His course load was ridiculous - apparently, the norm is to overload on tough classes. He was stressed to the max.</p>
<p>He didn’t transfer for various reasons. At this point, he is in his last semester on campus. He has made his peace with staying for now. He will do study abroad & then attend another top school under an articulation agreement they have. He is looking forward to the new school, hoping to find a social life (he is a very social person, but hasn’t been able to be himself).</p>
<p>He is glad for all he learned & all the opportunities he has had.</p>
<p>My own D found that her first school didn’t suit her. She transferred after freshman year. I am glad that she has found a better all-around fit for herself.</p>
<p>Two kids … two takes on what to do. Neither is right, neither is wrong. Trust your D to know what is best for her & allow her to make the decision that works for her.</p>
<p>My best to you & your D. I know how tough this is.</p>
<p>I think it’s crucial that your daughter gets into some clubs with more open minded, intelligent socially aware students. My daughter isn’t into cliques and the kids who are typical at her college. She joined clubs like an activism club, diversity club, habitat for humanity, volunteering etc. This was very helpful in finding kids who she could relate to and had similar interests. Maybe with an easier courseload she’ll have time for this stuff. The EC’s are a huge part of the whole experience for her. I think it’s important to stick it out for a longer period of time. Just a few tweaks in doing things has changed the whole experience for my daughter. Sometimes they just need to figure out which things to tweak. Good luck to both of you!!</p>
<p>“many white young women quickly pair up-- which can take up any free time to spend with other females”</p>
<p>Of all of the northeast LAC’s I know of, there are MANY women of all ethnic groups who don’t pair up with someone in the first 2 months of freshman year. </p>
<p>Hopefully, with one less course. she will be able to find some time to meet people with similar interests. I also hope she will continue to meet with someone in the diversity office who may be able to help her work through the academic and social adjustments to college life.</p>
<p>nurseratchet, </p>
<p>I don’t disagree with you. I am encouraging her to join clubs and I do think that the diversity club would be a good place to start-- but she feels like she is being pushed into it. To be fair, the administration has been very available to her. I think they are familiar with this situation because it’s a small school with a small minority population. I think that if she wants to stay and they are trying to help, I should advise her to follow their advice. Their strongest bit of advice has been to join the diversity club.</p>