<p>I did have to think that times have so changed. The hall phones – if someone did answer, and did actually listen - you would be lucky if they made it all the way down the hall to write a note on the white board. Hahahaha. I do the proof of life thing too. We generally txt every day just silly things, but when she is busy, like this week, days will go by. I am lucky, I love her roommate who will txt me when stubborn dd gets sick and refuses to get treatment. I have to laugh tho, there were many, many of an impromto trip to the beach or DC that I assure you, my mother knew nothing about.</p>
<p>I have a pretty uncommunicative child. I call him once a week on Sundays, and happily he does answer those calls.</p>
<p>But one thing that I do that gets a response without fail is to text a picture of our pet dog. Seriously - - at least then I know he’s still a-okay.</p>
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<p>Okay, I am a worrier with the best of them, but two students were murdered near campus a DECADE ago and you find this indicative of an unsafe environment? Really? People are murdered every day in my city. Most people are fine if they stay away from high crime areas. You can’t worry constantly about things which happen so so rarely or you would go crazy. Secondly, having a rule that your son respond to your texts promptly will NOT do anything to protect him. It is solely a function of giving you less anxiety. If someone wants to kill him, this rule does nothing to prevent it; at most it gives you the heads up that something has happened earlier rather than later.</p>
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<p>It would be very hard for me to insist that my college aged child be “inside at a certain time” knowing full well that “I sometimes stayed out until dawn when I went to college.”</p>
<p>I expect to get a timely response to a text not because I’m paying for the phone-really, the whole power of the purse card that is pulled out at every opportunity is just so completely overdone imo. </p>
<p>I expect that because that is just common courtesy. If my child texted me with a question, I KNOW that they are looking for a timely response, and I think I am entitled to the same. Just because it’s the right thing.</p>
<p>I have had the rare time where my kids didn’t answer a text. I finally texted “WHY have you not responded to my text?!” I got a really quick “Sorry Mom!” I know full well these kids live with their phones attached to their hands constantly. There is no excuse for going 48 hours without responding.</p>
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<p>Raises hand…gulp…guilty! :D</p>
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<p>LOL. “Damn you, autocorrect!” 
:D</p>
<p>I speak to both of my college sons once a week, usually on Sunday afternoons. If I call them and they do not return my call, it is usually because they are busy and then they will text me and tell me they are busy and will probably call me the next day. Once in a while they text me during the week if they have a question that needs an immediate answer. Otherwise, I respect their need to have independence and not be harassed by their mother. It has worked out fine for us. They do not Skype me at all but then they do not Skype anyone else either.</p>
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<p>Actually, that is not a reasonable worry. It’s quite irrational, as students choking on big mouthfuls of food is so rare it’s practically nonexistent in a healthy child. Even the tripping on the curb and being unconscious is a statistically insignificant event.</p>
<p>I get it. When our kids go away, we now have NO control over their actions. We can’t know for a fact every minute that they are okay like we could when they lived with us. Our imaginations can run wild with any and every completely unlikely scenario. But that’s all about us, our need to control the safety of our kids’ environments. It’s about our own anxiety.</p>
<p>Trust me, I get it. I worry so much my DH thinks I’m a total psycho at times. </p>
<p>But that still doesn’t mean we aren’t being irrational. Making our kids call us every day does absolutely NOTHING to keep them safe. It’s all about soothing our own anxiety.</p>
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<p>Heck, texting while crossing the street is risky, maybe it is good that they don’t always respond right away! :)</p>
<p>Son happened to be home for the weekend so we talked about this thread. Like me, he sometimes misses texts or can’t answer right away and then doesn’t remember he has a text he’s supposed to answer. Just send a second text, an e-mail or if you are really worried call - 9:30 to 10 pm is his advice. Your kid won’t be in class, and won’t be asleep. We arrange a phone call once a week - usually for Sunday afternoon. Some weeks he says he has too much homework. He now often sends us links to interesting articles related to his major (Int. Relations - Arabic Studies) so we feel reasonably connected. Honestly I didn’t know exactly where he was in high school and he had no curfew senior year, though I did ask him to let me know where he was - and I think he generally did. I wouldn’t dream of trying to have a curfew while he was in college. He did think most years someone on his floor would have noticed he was missing fairly quickly for what that’s worth.</p>
<p>My older son was always letting his phone run out of power, or didn’t have it with him. I don’t think he’s answered a text in his life. We correspond via email and talk once a week on the cell phone - if it’s got power. It usually does now that he’s out of college. :)</p>
<p>I want to like your post intparent.</p>
<p>Possible technical solution: </p>
<p>Son is a freshman with an iphone – we still pay for the family plan. We all have iphones. When I text him, I can see if the text has been delivered. I can also see if it’s been read. If the text shows up as “read” then I can take that as proof of life and not stress out if he fails to respond promptly. </p>
<p>And yes, I use the old trick of texting a pic of the family cat. So far, works like a charm.</p>
<p>^^^^I have an i-phone and see the “delivered” thing after a message. How do you know it’s been read?</p>
<p>You only know its been read if the kid hasn’t changed that setting. </p>
<p>Mine, of course, have. ;)</p>
<p>^^^ How do you know it’s been read? </p>
<p>The word below the text bubble says “read” instead of “delivered.” To Poetgrl’s point, I guess it’s a setting. Also, I think it only works iphone to iphone. When my younger daughter had a different kind of cell, I got the “delivered” message, but not the “read” message. It was a big reason I caved when she said she wanted an iphone.</p>
<p>Oh, and here’s another tech tip I just came across on the Class of 2013 thread. (Thanks to tx5athome for this.) </p>
<p>Apparently Snapchat allows you to see when your sent photo has been viewed. I’ve never used Snapchat, but that sounds like a promising tactic. Snap pic of family pet, send, await notification the kid is alive and viewing pic. Move along with my day.</p>
<p>What I’ve learned about my own D (now 25), is when everything is fine, she will not be in touch that often, when things are tough or she needs her mom, she will be. </p>
<p>I stopped asking about staying out the day she went to college. I never stopped caring about her being out late. Including now. She lives in NYC, and works until midnight or later, she takes the train home (about 35 minutes). Sometimes she’ll call me to “chat” on the way to the train, or on the way from train to home (about a 10 minute walk). I’m on the west coast, so it’s fairly early for me. I learned several years ago that she will always call a west coast friend (or me) when it’s late. I never asked, but have assumed, that it makes her feel like she’s not alone. I also hear a ton of chatter and street sounds when we’re having these late night “chats” - I call them “walking her home” - </p>
<p>I don’t think parents stop worrying. Do they?</p>
<p>I am at a point where it is my kids who are chasing me down. They are complaining why I am not answering them. </p>
<p>Few days ago when I couldn’t reach D2 and I noticed my texts to her were green instead of normal blue, I got very concerned. I called her cousin at school to try to get D2’s best friend’s cell phone. It turned out to be nothing. Her phone was out of battery.</p>
<p>"I don’t think parents stop worrying. Do they? "</p>
<p>No, I don’t think they do. I will forever remember a conversation at my grandmother’s the year before my mother died. She was 65, Grandma was 87. She was concerned with what my mother was eating. “Is that allowed for a diabetic?” My mom rolled her eyes (at me, not grandma), but it wasn’t long after that that my mother was worrying at ME over something. I was weeks away from 40.</p>
<p>But you always need your mom (I still do, though she’s been gone for 15 years). When you need her, you reach out. That’s not the same as making contact because mom/dad insist. It’s just not. I’ve been in contact with my D daily this week because she’s dealing with some difficult stuff. When things calm down we’ll go back to a more open schedule. She’s another one who works late at night often. I know she usually gets a ride but often she will take the bus-at 2 a.m.! I try not to think about that.</p>
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<p>I doubt it. Sometimes I worry so much, I feel like it’s a curse in a way.</p>
<p>DH is sometimes just blissfully confident that all will go well in the world. I wish I had his optimism. It would save me a whole lot of agonizing.</p>
<p>I used to ask D1 when she got home if I knew she was out the night before. I noticed she always said, “around 2.” I finally asked her what was magical about 2, did bars close at 2 or taxi (bus) stopped running. She said, “No, it is just a respectable time to tell your parents when you got home.” I don’t even bother to ask D2 now.</p>
<p>"DH is sometimes just blissfully confident that all will go well in the world. I wish I had his optimism. It would save me a whole lot of agonizing. "</p>
<p>Ha ha. H tells me, “If you see a light, you think it is the train bearing down on you. I see it as the light at the end of the tunnel.” He is right. And he IS less of a worrier and more confident. I can’t do it.</p>
<p>oldfort-my D WORKS in a restaurant, so if she has the late shift, 2 is the EARLIEST she leaves. Not NYC, but at least the taxis are there if she wants to splurge.</p>