<p>Agree with Mary. We did a lot of the culling on the front end so that ds1 only applied to schools that we thought were good fits for him academically/socially/financially. When all the numbers came in, it was obvious which schools would need to fall off the list because the money just wasn’t as great as we hoped, especially in light of some fantastic offers. So which particular school he went to was totally up to him, within the wide (we didn’t restrict by geography or rank) and reasonable (can we afford it?) parameters we set up front.</p>
<p>I am glad that we did a lot of front end culling of schools that were not financially viable. Though son was great in immediately dismissing those school where he did not get any merit money and were way up there in cost, it gave me a pang of regret that they were not options for him. I so wish I could just send them where ever they wanted to go without regard to cost, But there were some tough scenes at some homes where kids hit the mother lode in acceptances but did not get money and where money suddenly became an issue that was not discussed earlier.</p>
<p>cpt, most of the schools where we were taking a bit of a risk as to whether the money would come through were schools that no one was terribly vested in. Two of them we didn’t even visit, so when the money wasn’t quite there it really was no big deal. One school that we visited that we liked unexpectedly came through with good money but not great compared to other schools we liked as much and, in some cases, much more. So, we didn’t have any big “if only we could have afforded this school it would have made all of ds1’s dreams come true,” kwim? It was more, yeah, we didn’t think that would work, and we were right. Too bad. It was a nice school.</p>
<p>We had the money, so that was not an issue.</p>
<p>My husband objected to colleges in big cities, but neither of our kids applied to any. I think our daughter might have wanted to, but she preferred to avoid the necessary argument with her father.</p>
<p>My husband also told our son, who had state-university-level credentials, that if he wanted to go to a school that was substantially more expensive than our state university, he needed to justify the decision. Since our state university was our son’s first choice, the issue never arose.</p>
<p>Our daughter, who had Ivy-level credentials, had free choice (except for the city issue). She rejected two seemingly appropriate schools on sight. That was fine with me. There were plenty of others. </p>
<p>I set no conditions at all, although I expressed lots of opinions – many of which my kids ignored.</p>
<p>Both kids ended up choosing schools that were entirely appropriate for them and were pleased with the experiences they had there.</p>
<p>Here’s a tip for the OP, and for other students with parents who focus on prestige: when you decide what school you’d really like to go to, among the ones that admit you, develop a set of education-based reasons. For example, say that the biology department at College X produces more Nobel prize-winners than the one at College Y. For just about any two colleges, you can construct such an argument (their own PR will help you). Go with your gut, but use your brain when persuading others.</p>
<p>D is just picky and did a lot of culling personally. We added some back in based on having a range of academic and financial options hoping to triangulate full need and merit along with fit. Strangely, the aid packages and acceptances are coming in worst to best, so each new option is a better than the last. We did talk about looking at FA strategy early and I told D that she can go where she wants if we can make it work. Her list was smaller than many (I would have likes 1 or 2 more reachy good aid schools for security) but it seems to be working out.</p>
<p>If I plotted the private school packages on a graph it would likely be a perfect fit line with an inverse correlation between merit aid and selectivity. However there is also a direct correlation between grant aid and selectivity. Out goal was to find the happy place where those lines meet our kid’s stats and our ability to pay. So far, so good I think.</p>
<p>I completely agree with Hunt! Using the academic data should speak to the OP’s parents. Also, look at the %graduation rate for 4 years and 6 years and the retention rate after freshman year. You know that your parents only want the best for you. Sometimes that generation gap seems huge. Perhaps, your parents’ experience at college or situations they see in their current work life have a big impact on what your college choice should be. Just a thought…</p>
<p>We gave our kids a budget…the COA of any instate public u. They were free to pursue any other option if the difference in cost could be made up w/ merit aid. Both had other opportunities but chose the instate publics.</p>
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<p>As a college student, (1968-72), I chose Emory and Un. of Texas at Austin. My parents said they’d pay the basics for anywhere I could get admitted for the first 2 years. After that, they’d pay what it cost to go to the Texas flagship. </p>
<p>This was not a mandate that I transfer since I had always worked, I had invested the money and could have paid for Emory the last two years, but it would have tapped me out.</p>
<p>I totally agree that the student needs to be given almost all of the “say” within the parents’ parameters. It is very true that it is the student who has to live the environment day by day.</p>
<p>I gave my S my parameters and stood back and let him and the GC’s do the heavy lifting. It turned out that S “found” the LAC through some girls who attended the summer camp that he went to in the summer. He put it on his list along with several others. He had 5 or 6 accepts and chose the one he had found. It worked really well for all of us.</p>
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<p>What’s wrong with a gut feeling? If the student doesn’t LIKE a school, for whatever reason, they should NOT bother applying there. That is MY opinion.</p>
<p>How much choice did we give our kids regarding the school they chose to go to? Plenty…They were going to college…not us. Like others…if there had been financial constraints those would have been discussed UP FRONT…before the applications were sent. (sure…apply to a costly school…but if the money doesn’t work out…you can’t go). We had the serious discussions BEFORE the kids submitted their applications. We were prepared to send our kids to any school to which they got accepted. The KIDS made the final choice…not us. </p>
<p>I will say…in both cases, the kids did NOT pick the school that was number one on OUR (the parents) list…but you know what…? The kids both loved their colleges and did very well…and in retrospect, we fully see why they made the choices they made. They were good ones…for THEM…and you know…THEY were going to college, not us.</p>
<p>P.S. one of the schools DD rejected based on her feelings had outstanding academic data…outstanding. DD did not like the buildings…or maybe it was the pink flowers. Didn’t matter…she didn’t LIKE the school. The academic data would not have swayed her in any way.</p>
<p>I actually found that with D1, the PROCESS of looking at schools, learning and then deciding what was most important to her and what her priorities were was itself quite a valuable growing experience for her (and for me). </p>
<p>If the choice of college is made solely by USNews, or even solely by the parents, then they are robbing their children of this incredibly worthwhile experience. </p>
<p>I prefer to play devil’s advocate with everything to prevent lazy thinking, but in the end, they decide, I pay.</p>
<p>Hunt is absolutely right.</p>
<p>My daughter didn’t come to us and say, “I want to go to X because it has cuter guys,” although X is known for it’s cute guys. ;)</p>
<p>She said, “This is what I want to do, this is why. These are the outcomes for X in what I want to do. This school will barely cost you ten dollars…blah, blah, blah.”</p>
<p>I mean, we would have let her choose any school she had on her list, frankly. The time to fight that battle is BEFORE apps go out. But, it was very interesting to see how she was thinking, at the time.</p>
<p>Though, just between you and me, the cute guys were a factor. I happen to know cuz she told her younger sister. :D</p>
<p>I guess I don’t understand the heartache at the end of the process. We did a LOT of research junior year. We visited a bunch of schools and he really started to figure out what he wanted. He liked a whole bunch of schools and we had a firm handle on the financial aspect of it. </p>
<p>It was totally up to him on where he went. He applied to 8, had a firm top 4, with 2 at a virtual tie. When he was asked to switch to ed2 we explained why we believed it was a good choice for him, but let him ask his gc and think about it himself. I was not going to push, but he was open to a lot of different options. </p>
<p>If he really wanted one over another it wouldn’t have mattered to me because all schools were acceptable to me. Even if it had a little animal farm to it - some were more equal than others.</p>
<p>I’m with ClassicRockerDad. I learned a lot about my S by visiting schools with him and watching him work his way through the admissions process. Once I understood more clearly who my kid was growing up to be, the choices he made (not mine, for sure) - even those seemingly based on ‘gut’ - made more sense to me. (And I love the analogy that attending a school because your parents like it is like dating a girl because you parents like her.)</p>
<p>To have jumped to the rankings without going through that process would have been a major loss to both of us.</p>
<p>As for OP, Hunt’s advice is good - if they are hung up on rankings and prestige, you’re going to have to hit them back with other rankings and prestige data. Look at:
a) the departments you are interested in and their rankings (grad and undergrad),
b) the admit rates to grad schools
c) number of recruiters in your field of interest who come to campus
d) the stats of the kids at both schools
e) the rankings made by other organizations - it’s not like USNWR is the only organization that ranks</p>
<p>I have mixed feelings on this. I agree with Hunt about the academic part. OTOH, not everyone knows what they want for a major (or will stick with that major). That makes comparing departments impossible. </p>
<p>In general, I am against using gut feelings to choose a school. My D crossed 3 schools off her list because of gut feelings, and now just a few months later all 3 are back on the table because of the mercurial nature of teenage minds (eg friends convincing her the schools are awesome etc).</p>
<p>I know I would have been happy at any type of school that I would have gone to. I think most people are that way. I don’t remember even visiting the school I went to before I applied. I just knew they were good in what I thought I wanted to major in. </p>
<p>I also know I completely disagree with some of the generalizations that have been made. For example, I believe it would not be harder for an introvert to fit in at a very large school. In fact, there would probably be more opportunities to find someone in their niche because of the larger population. They would still have smaller groups among their dorm floor or dining hall etc. A big school doesn’t have more kids eating in a dining hall, they just have more dining halls. I went to one of the biggest schools in the country and I was very introverted but made tons of lifelong friends because I never saw 95% of the kids on campus other than walking to class. At a large school you really have a large amount of small schools within a school (ie dorms, or even quads etc).</p>
<p>My kid didn’t want to go to what is now her #1 choice because the buildings looked too old. Would I let her cross that off her list because of that if she hadn’t changed her mind? Heck no. She originally crossed off what is now her #2 choice because the campus didn’t look separate enough from the surrounding town. I told her that wasn’t a good reason and that she had to still consider it. Now, she is seriously debating going there.</p>
<p>DW and I are trying to use a collaborative process in forming a list with our HS son. We have visited campuses that we all agreed to visit and shared impressions and other information releated to the schools. I will admit that once when DS wanted to cross off a school after a disappointing visit, but DW and I thought the school should remain on his list, we lobbied to keep it there by providing positive information about the academics and student life at the school, and he changed his mind. However, when DS wanted to cross off schools for which we did not have strong feelings, we wholeheartedly agreed and let him eliminate them without a fuss.</p>
<p>Choosing a college is just the first of many big, life-altering, expensive decisions. Then you move on to things like choosing a career, where to live, a spouse/romantic partner, buying a house, choosing to have children (and if so, how many). I’m an analytic type, so I weighed pros and cons with all of these…but in the end, my decisions depended a lot more than I’d like to think on my gut instinct.</p>
<p>In the middle on this. Once the applications were in, the kids got to decide where they would go in accordance with the budget we had set. This led to some disappointments (mostly when others at the HS could go to the school of choice because their families had more money), but ultimately left the kids in charge.</p>
<p>As we visited and reviewed schools, the kids were also in charge for the most part. If they got a bad vibe from a visit (due, in one case, to a terrible tour guide, lousy weather and it being the last school visited on a fairly long spring break trip), but the school met all the other criteria, we visited again or asked them to apply and then see once the results were in. In the case noted above, this school become a very real possiblity and he liked it much better on subsequent visits. </p>
<p>My middle son started out junior year with a very specific major in mind and we picked schools accordingly. By the time the applications were being prepared he had changed directions completely and we had to look at some other schools. Also, once he was into our State flagship, several safeties came off the list.</p>
<p>As someone said above, kids change their minds a lot. While a gut feeling is important at the decision point, if the school seems like it would be a good fit - academically, socially and financially - I would not take it off the list simply due to a bad visit. If a school accepts a kid and shows them some love, the school may rise to near the top of the list.</p>
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<p>I think that crossing schools off the list for this reason is fine unless it leaves the student with an insufficient number of appropriate choices. </p>
<p>One of my kids decided against applying to Tufts and Johns Hopkins within five minutes of arriving on each campus. So what? There’s no reason why it’s necessary to apply to these two schools. There are plenty of others in the same selectivity range, and the kid ended up at one of them.</p>
<p>My daughter is going to the best school that is the best fit for her. It is her next four years, just after working very hard for the last 12 years to be the V in her class , perfect 36 ACT score and over 1000 volunteer hours. It is her inheritance money being put to use now, before inflation takes it all. She will be the first student from her high school to attend an Ivy League School. As a parent I cannot say no to that!!</p>