<p>ITA ^^^^ If you’ve crafted a good list, you’ll have lots of great choices in the end and are LOOKING for reasons to take a school off the list. We took two off because we had great choices already and we had not yet visited these schools (Notre Dame, Tulane). Because ds1 was really happy with several of his choices we made the decision to not confuse the issue by spending the time and money to book trips to New Orleans and Indiana.</p>
<p>OP should be thankful he has parents who care about the quality of his education and, I assume, are paying for it. If he is <em>forced</em> to go to a good school over his own desires to go to a less-respected one, I for one am not feeling the tragedy in that. It might work out great or it might not, but that would be true for any choice he might make on his own. The better colleges usually have higher retention rates, which is probably a positive indication.</p>
<p>I think that intuition is a fine reason to take a school off of a list as long as the student has other options to explore. My son did not like Tufts or JHU either and in both cases it was really a gut feeling that it wasn’t “home”. </p>
<p>As far as how much choice my son has, I would have to say he has a say but we do as well. Finding a college is a process that revolves around my son, but involves my husband and I also. We are working on a consensus decision here not a dictatorial decision handed down by my husband and I.</p>
<p>My D’s entire decision-making process was driven by gut feelings. She just knew that Beloit felt right to her. In terms of choice, again it was all her decision. Did it scare me-- yes especially when she announced that she was only applying to one school. But she made it clear she understood the risks of her choice and then I was totally OK with it,</p>
<p>What Marian said (post #39). And, also, what SlitheyTove said (post #37). Looking at it in terms of Myers-Briggs personality types, if you are an off-the-chart intuitive type as I am you may be more likely to rely on your gut reactions to help you make choices. This method of decision making has worked well for me in every aspect of my life, every day of my life. Other people have different decision-making methods that work for them. </p>
<p>With regard to college choice, if you are working from a set of options that make sense academically, socially and financially (and here’s where communication between parents and children is vital), what difference does it make if a kid discards a school because he doesn’t like the layout of the campus? Or because of the distance he’d have to walk from the dorms to the student union? Or based on any other seemingly superficial characteristics? The kid can only go to one school, after all. Now, it *would *be problematic if a kid’s gut led him or her to discard all the accessible options (i.e., if gut instincts left a kid with a list of only expensive schools or only reachy schools). </p>
<p>The notion that the gut isn’t a useful tool suggests that there is a foolproof rubric for making the “right” decision that will work for everyone, which I’d submit there is not.</p>
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<p>The notion that there is one “right” choice is also highly questionable.</p>
<p>My d would not have chosen a single-sex school on her own, but I did play the “just give it a shot and tour it while we’re in the area” and wound up at a single-sex school. So I suppose I did steer that in a certain direction - but what I wanted her to do was to consider it seriously; if she had considered it and said no, then that’s what it would have been.</p>
<p>Oldfort, I do know what you mean by “caliber” of school - I guess the question is, what’s the range? My kids’ “calibers” were basically in the top 40 lists (either LAC or university); I wouldn’t draw it so tight as some on CC do (top 10 or bust).</p>
<p>If top 10 or bust is the range, then people would be awfully disappointed. Every kid’s range is different, even in the same family. One person’s safety could be someone else’s reach.</p>
<p>I do agree with Marian that there is no one “right” choice. Second time around, we really discouraged D2 from falling in love with any one school. Even when she decided on one school to ED we talked about there were a other schools similar to her ED school.</p>
<p>I helped my kids put together their lists, but like ClassicRockerDad I also found that the process of looking at colleges was a valuable experience in their maturing. My older son was not big on visiting, and after a tour junior year we put off all further visits until the acceptances came in. But even though he squeezed most of that growing up into the month of April, I think the process of weighing the great department over the big name school was good for him. </p>
<p>Younger son was more into visiting schools and going with gut feelings. He discovered a probable major in the process of looking at schools, but was aware that if he changed his mind he needed a school that was not too one-sided. It was the one issue with his safety, which in retrospect might have been a better choice. (At least for looking for internships where grades matter!) In any event he had some hard choices come spring and I stayed out of it. I was torn between the same two schools he was.</p>
<p>Ours only apply to parent-approved schools. Then they can choose among those financially acceptable once we find out the finances (and acceptances, of course).</p>
<p>There are many out there that can be parent approved by us. Oldest is a sophomore at one most people have barely heard of because it fit him (from his first visit) and it has an academic quality I approve of.</p>
<p>Middle will [likely] be going to a well-known research U. If not, his second choice is also a well-known school. The first choice fits him better (I think). He’ll decide for certain next week after another visit.</p>
<p>Youngest (sophomore in high school) is back to having me research schools not common in our area. We’re in the north and he wants tropical botany… plus we have to see where his stats come in this fall.</p>
<p>I can’t really fathom forcing a student to go to our choice or the best ranked or whatever. Those things get worked out before applications are sent in and there are oodles of good options to pick from. If you don’t like a school, why apply? But we do have an academic minimum in our house. I see far too many students from low level colleges without decent jobs. It’s a competitive world.</p>
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<p>Of course, “parent-approved” differs for each family. The overbearing “tiger parents” who approve only USNWR top 10 schools for their 3.5 GPA / 1950 SAT student is setting both parents and student for disappointment after the student gets shut out and becomes a “worthless disgrace” (in the parent’s point of view).</p>
<p>At the other end of the spectrum are parents whose idea of “parent-approved” just means that it has at least a reasonable chance of affordability (and that sufficient money must come with the admission offer for the student to go there), that the school has regional accreditation and any needed major-specific accreditation or certification if applicable, and it is academically suitable for the student’s intended or possible majors.</p>
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<p>Naturally it differs from family to family. And obviously the OP’s family uses standards different than ours, but to answer their [OP] question, yes, we do have a say in where our kids go. We just have our say before they apply and there are some places they wouldn’t be allowed to apply (generally due to low academics for their ability). Once they’ve applied they can go anywhere financially reasonable that they get in. We don’t force “our” best school. As a family we do discuss pros and cons of each. I can’t imagine it any other way.</p>