<p>bump bump bump</p>
<p>::Therefore, by you presenting the media's television shows as an example is wrong. The media's image of the ideal, beautiful woman is flawed in itself b/c it's unattainable.::</p>
<p>Just because it isn't attainable doesn't mean it is "flawed." Are you suggesting that without any media influence, men would be indifferent about the way women look? That they wouldn't care whether women are acne-faced or fat or if they look Lindsay Lohan (pre-anorexia lol) or something? Women in the media are simply embodying the ideal image of a woman based on the natural human conception of beauty. I don't believe that the media influences our view of beauty. Instead, it is the other way around.</p>
<p>Speaking of which, have any of you seen the new Dove "campaign for natural beauty?" It seems to be aimed at women who question their own attractiveness because it sure as hell isn't targeted towards men.</p>
<p>There's not one ideal image of beauty though. I mean, what about the cavemen? There weren't any women that looked like the women today. Tastes change over time, I guess.</p>
<p>Well, and there are different images of beauty in different cultures and different time periods. Sometimes it was considered desirable to be pale, because that meant that you didn't have to go outside and work in the fields -- it was a sign of sophistication, I suppose. Plumpness was often a plus; maybe that indicated fertility. Point is, these things change over time. Some of that's attributable to social and cultural changes; other aspects are probably cyclical, like any sort of fashion.</p>
<p>From a guy who has had experience in this area. First of all, just take it slow and get to know her. Spend time with her and take it slow. You will eventually hit a time period in which it is appropriate to ask her out. Take too long and you become friends, too early and it is just too early. The most important thing I can tell you is to make sure you define it is a date. You can't just ask her to dinner. You MUST define it (bad experiences). Good luck with it.</p>
<p>p.s. Beauty is defined by the society. Society is defined by what is accepted. What is accepted is defined by media. Hence the differences between what we see as beauty as opposed to what people in other societies find as beautiful.</p>
<p>From a guy who has had experience in this area. First of all, Kevin's advice is quite wrong, and a way to ensure you don't get the girl a good 90% of the time. Most girls know from the minute they meet you if you're dateable material or not, and from that point on they've got this conception of you, slightly biased, whether people like to admit it or not. </p>
<p>I'm sure Kevin has the right heart, he's trying to be helpful, but he's also leading you down a path which has a much less chance of success. Sure, taking it slow is comfortable and safe, but that's not what the beginning of a relationship is all about. What happens when you take it slow is that you end up in friend territory, and you become good friends with this girl. When this happens and then you ask her out, she's simply going to give the I don't want to ruin the friendship rejection or not even know its a date (as kevin here has experienced). Defining a date is totally not the way to go. You know its a date if you kiss her on the lips at the end of the night, or on the next 'date' or at least within a reasonable time frame of the first date, if there are those people who aren't up for a peck on the first date, whatever whatever.</p>
<p>My point is that you can't slow play it, it rarely works unless from the first point of meeting the person they already see you as dateable. Take a chance, just ask the girl out. If you're friends with her, just asking her out and having her reject you is a sure road to awkwardness and slowly fading out of her life as a result of that. However, if she doesn't know you too well or you're just acquaintences or new friends, the rejection (if it comes) will be much easier to handle. Don't worry about it, be confident and just ask the girl out. Sure there's a risk, but the reward should you succeed (and you should believe you will) is soo much greater.</p>
<p>Though I see your point in that a girl can say "I don't want to ruin our friendship" if you become friends with her first, I hardly think that is a viable reason to rush things in the beginning. I've found that when relationships move too fast they become based on shallow things like physical attraction and how charming the other person is. I really don't understand what's wrong with actually getting to know a girl before you move into romantic territory. If anything, when you start dating(if indeed you decide that you are still really into her), your relationship will be a lot more meaningful. As for your comment that girls form biases upon meeting guys for the first time, of course that's true. Everyone forms judgments about people they meet. if someon isn't willing to change or adjust that initial bias, then is that really the type of person who want to be dating?</p>
<p>Tmak's advice is good if you're just trying to get laid.</p>
<p>
[quote]
I really don't understand what's wrong with actually getting to know a girl before you move into romantic territory.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>And this is a good point for those who aren't just looking to get laid. But I suppose most people at this age don't look for something more serious anyway.</p>
<p>Woah, I've been totally misrepresented/misunderstood or presented my position incorrectly. I never said you couldn't get to know the girl, but I was simply saying that you shouldn't get deep into friend territory. </p>
<p>Secondly, this is not a get-laid method. I'm not advocating get-laid methods. I'm advocating a more wide range of dating. I mean, sure you can spend 8 months running after a girl who after going on a few dates you realize is totally not even for you. Or you can ask a few girls out, take a chance, and find one who is compatible with you, which grows into something more serious.</p>
<p>I'm just being realistic.</p>
<p>I think everyone's looking at this as "either you're just in it to get laid, or you're in it for the relationship," while Tmak's in a sort of middle ground -- not saying "find the girl who's absolutely perfect for you and then date her and then get married," but advocating more casual dating with an eye towards having a more serious relationship if it works out. That's not so common anymore (or so I've heard, haha), but I think it's a perfectly reasonable way to go about it.</p>
<p>[I hope I wasn't misconstruing you too, by the way! if I was, feel free to let me know]</p>
<p>Since I'm wrong, lets go with this. Just f*** everything and ask the girl what she wants. Every girl is different. I have been told by girls to take it slow and just get to know her first. I have talked to girls that said they would not go out with someone they don't know. My point earlier was that there is a period in which it is proper. You just have to find it. Unless you're going for the straight up hoes, then pull out the alcohol and GHB.</p>
<p>I think entropic girl presents my position just about perfectly. </p>
<p>Well, kevin, I think you present an interesting point. While on one hand, "Every girl is different", you have been told by girls (i assume multiple girls, hence the 's') to do so and so. This is self contradictory, as since every girl is different, it doesn't matter if say, five girls tell you to take it slow, every girl is still different and thus the advice from these five girls is totally irrelevant to any other girl unless you know they share the sentiments. I agree with the point you made earlier, that there is a period in which is proper and that you just have to find it.</p>
<p>However, another point that has to be made is that the worst people to go to advice for girl related issues are in fact, girls. As they're all so different, and even with themselves they don't know what they want. As a result confusion and frustration develop, due to the fact that each girl has slightly different wants/desires/what have you. </p>
<p>Go to guy for girl advice, they think the most 'straightforwardly'. =D</p>
<p>There's no science to this people ...</p>
<p>Go up to girl. Talk. Get number. Ask to hang out. Then go for it.</p>
<p>I just got 2 girls' numbers tonight and I've only been here for a day. Just get lots of #'s and most of all just have some fun. Dating isn't suppose to be TOO serious anyway.</p>
<p>
[quote]
There's no science to this people ...</p>
<p>Go up to girl. Talk. Get number. Ask to hang out. Then go for it.</p>
<p>I just got 2 girls' numbers tonight and I've only been here for a day. Just get lots of #'s and most of all just have some fun. Dating isn't suppose to be TOO serious anyway.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Some people would much prefer being in a serious relationship. It looks from the majority of posts in this thread, that the people on this forum would prefer serious relationships than to.. [snip][/snip] a very casual relationship.</p>
<p>The statement "dating isn't suppose to be TOO serious anyway." is wayy too extreme. Dating is suppose to be what you make of it. If you consider it serious, good for you. If you disregard as important... .. well then more power to you.</p>
<p>No, with dating you need to be direct. Let her know you want to date her. Otherwise, if you chat with her casually and give no indication that you dig her, you'll just become awkward friends. At one point in the first conversation, you have to ask her if she wants to go with you to wherever it is you want the date to be. If all you say is, "talk to you later," and walk away, you've not made any progress. Girls think about these things more than we do, so it's not smart to try to trick them into an eventual relationship.</p>
<p>Obviously there is more than one way to get to the girl.
Its all personal experience and confidence that determines your own scheme, really.</p>
<p>^ Exactly.</p>
<p>^ here here!</p>
<p>The guys I dated in college & grad school ALL started as friends, including the two I nearly married (at different times). Personally, I feel much better about the "friend route," and ended up marrying a guy who was a FRIEND on my volleyball team (after I was all done with school & out "in the real world"). I'd never seriously consider dating someone I didn't like as a friend first & have always had as many male friends and dates as I wanted. (My husband is still my best friend & we've been married 19 years now.)</p>
<p>I agree it would be terribly overwhelming & I never liked men who put me on a pedastal. My teen kids do a lot of IMing, message-boarding & e-mailing with friends. My nephew (also in high school) does a lot of things with groups of males & females. Don't think there's any ONE answer which will work for every person and situation, but anyway hope this perspective is helpful.</p>
<p>Starion</p>
<p>Hi i need help really bad i started college about 5 weeks ago and i saw this girl there who gets the same college bus as i do im really intrested in her its strange not like seeing other girls and saying "shes Fit" but this girl is different i feel different like not thinking of just ****ing her up the little hole :D
she is attractive but i dont feel that way i wont to ask her out but i carnt do it i carnt get her to notice me its really hard PLZ HELP ME!~ what should i do ?? im not affraid to idmit it but im scarded to ask her im thinking of asking my freind to ask her is that a good idea ?? how do i get her to notice me??</p>
<p>THX!</p>