How to deal with my parents (help please?? >< i'm really desperate)

Parent Cafe
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<p>Hey guys.. you guys are parents of juniors and seniors starting in the application process...i was wondering how I would deal with this:</p>

<p>I asked my parents this morning if I could apply to UCDavis as a safety, just to make sure i will definately get IN somewhere, and they exploded on me. They said that if I can't get into UCSD or UCI (which are my two lowest schools right now), I might as well just go to PCC (the local city college) since I'm obviously not going to get anywhere else.</p>

<p>I thought that this was a tad drastic. </p>

<p>Considering I had friends last year who were about same grades as me (maybe a slightly lower SAT score) who got rejected from EVERY SCHOOL they applied to, it makes sense that I should be a bit scared, and want to cover all the bases as completely as I can, right?</p>

<p>My stats are-
3.8 UW, 4.2 W (freshman year not included)
SAT Math- 800
SAT CR- 800
SAT Writing - 730</p>

<p>MathIIC- 800
SATII Chem- 780
SATII Lit- 760</p>

<p>-- do you think it's reasonable that I apply for UCDavis, just in case?
My other schools-
UCLA, UCBerkeley, UCSD, UCI, UChicago, USC, and Northwestern.</p>

<p>Also, my parents are incredibly pushy on the application process. they want ALL of my essays finished by the time school starts (Sept 4), and they're basically yelling at me every few days cuz i'm "lazy" and "unwilling to put in any effort towards anything that counts". So far, i'm still polishing my Personal statement (working on my 8th draft), and i'm started on my main essay for UChicago. I'm researching the "What I like about this school" for both NW and Chicago, and researching my topic for USC's BS/MD app [a 2 page essay and 3 short answers]. I've also just finished my second draft for one of my 2 UC essays.</p>

<p>I, however, am currently more interested in playing videogames, considering my consol will be confiscated when school starts, and I won't see it until the middle of second semester. Thats not to say I'm NOT working on my apps... I've about finished the filling in part and all I've got left are essays. </p>

<p>I want them to let off a bit, and let me chill before school starts and the pressure starts. I'm taking Dance, which will take up two periods, and some after schools and weekends. I'm also taking 4 APs, and Speech and Debate Team [which, for the most part, is going to be study hall mixed with practice for competitions]. I dont think i'll be THAT stressed during school.. but my parents beg to differ.</p>

<p>How do i handle this situation???? help.. please? ><
[wow that was long. A billion thanks to anyone who even bothered to finish reading!] :)</p>

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<p>Why do your parents have to know whether you apply to UCD or not? I think you should be accepted by at least some of the schools on your list, but since they're all so selective, adding a true safety is a good idea. Are you comfortable that UCD is a true safety? If not, is there another school you like that could be a comfortable safety? You obviously have very strong stats. </p>

<p>I don't know much about UC applications. I suggest using your own money for the UCD app fee, and simply not telling your parents that you've applied. It's your future, you have the right to make important decisions regarding it.</p>

<p>It sounds as if you're in enviable shape regarding the essays. Still, if you could accommodate your parents and have the essays done by September 4th, you won't regret it. The essays will be off your "to do" list, and your parents will be off your back. There are still more than 3 weeks until school starts. You can probably have time for videogames and still finish the essays by the deadline. Suggestion: work on the essays when your parents are around, and do your own thing when they're not. Good luck! :)</p>

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<p>as for your essays, are you having a teacher look at them? if so, and it is a really smart thing to do, your parents should not be the proof readers on this, as they will put in their own "stuff" from your description, do a draft, say that you are having a teacher look at them because that is what they do, and you wil probablly make changes anyway</p>

<p>as for UCD, try and explain to your parents, that everyone applies to alot of UCs, and if they think Irvine is a safety, well......</p>

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<p>Does UC Davis use rolling admissions? If so, having one acceptance in your pocket early in the process as you pursue the rest of your choices can be a great stress reducer.</p>

<p>Do you have a GC you can consult who will tell you that adding this safety is a good idea? Perhaps hearing this from another source would help your parents deal with this.</p>

<p>Sorry, herx, sounds like the stress is getting to everyone. I suggest that you go ahead and have decent drafts of your essays by your parents' deadlines. You really will be glad you do. Then you will have the luxury of time to further fine tune the essays prior to submission.</p>

<p>Good luck!</p>

5

<p>UC Davis is a beautiful school with a lot going for it. I say apply and don't spend so much time "worrying" about your parents. </p>

<p>In the last year and a half I've seen threads from parents saying their kids are freaking out over the application process, or not working on their apps, overly concerned, underwhelmed, happy, disinterested, scared, too excited...etc. I've seen those same types of posts from students...my parents are freaking out, not helping, too involved, won't pay, will pay but only if I apply to XXX school, disinterested, acting like helicopters, etc.</p>

<p>What I'm trying to say herxstolenxheart, is that kids and parents are exactly alike, and we all react in ways no one else can even begin to understand. </p>

<p>I would have paid $1 for my kid to even consider UCD! As it turns out, I need not have worried. Her 1st school didn't fill her hopes and dreams, so she's opted to transfer. She begins her newest adventure in 2 weeks. I have been learning some things myself, mostly to let go, and let her guide her own ship.</p>

<p>Best to you during this process. It isn't easy for any of us. That much I know for sure.</p>

6

<p>Your stats are very good and your parents should be very proud of you. Since your console gets confiscated once school starts, I imagine they have always been very involved in your education and their expectations are high. If you were my child, you most certainly would be allowed to play video games and "chill". But my child doesn't have your stats so maybe their style of parenting is what works. I think you are streets ahead of most rising seniors in your preparation but I don't expect that argument will change anything with your parents. I can only commiserate with you and suggest you do what they ask, staying up late if necessary to complete everything and then you will have cleared the decks for remaining time with your video games. Remember its only one more year. As for applying to UCD...remind your parents of the scores that didn't get your friends in anywhere.</p>

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<p>If you tell your parents at the beginning of each day what you plan to do on your apps, and if you let them know at day's end how you succeeded in your daily goal, they may back off.</p>

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<p>It's hard to believe that you couldn't get into UCI with stats like those, but my D had stats better than yours and we insisted that she apply to TWO UCs (UCI and UCD) as safeties, just in case.</p>

<p>It's another check box and another $$ fee, that's all.</p>

<p>Actually, UC Davis is a very wonderful campus and my Southern California kid loved the time she spent there during one summer. Maybe your parents are afraid that you'll actually go there if you get in! Do you even like UC Davis?</p>

<p>As for being stressed during the first semester of senior year--it was the most stressful period of my daughter's life (so far, and she's starting her senior year in college). Of course, she didn't have a good start on her essays like you've had on yours, and she still had one weekend of SAT testing to do. But there is lots of pressure to do very well that first semester in hard classes--and all of the college applications to finish--and all of the ECs that suck up time...I have to vote with your parents on the stress issue.</p>

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<p>Another tip you might consider with your parents: Tell them you are working on your college apps and you will be more than willing to discuss this subject with them once a week. Seems to me you could tell them that anything more frequent than that feels like badgering. </p>

<p>Or whatever frequency strikes your fancy.</p>

<p>It's what we parents have been advised to do with our kids.</p>

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<p>The 'once a week' thing can be a scheduled time, over dinner say. And if they talk about any other time, they owe you 25 cents.</p>

<p>My friend made a good $50 in one month that way.</p>

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<p>You have really great stats for the UC's. Do you qualify for the auto admit by being in the top 3%. I can't recall the name of the program....3 letters, EFA? 2 years ago, UCI was an auto admit for this group.</p>

<p>If next year's admits to UCI are anything like they were last year, you will get in. I know lots of kids who got into UCI with significantly lower stats. Since the UC system is really about numbers, I wouldn't sweat it. </p>

<p>Get your USC app in. They have rolling admissions and you have a good shot at getting in there. Hopefully, you will get one in the bag early and can relax. The UC's announce so late...........</p>

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<p>If I were the worried parents, once a week wouldn't be frequent enough for me unless my student had proven themselves by demonstrating how they followed through on their daily plans for working on their college app. Before going to the once a week schedule, I'd need to see, for instance, at least 5 days of letting me know at day's beginning what their plans were, and showing me at the end of the day how they'd implemented those plans.</p>

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<p>What I would do is tell them that you are really anxious about the whole application process, and you are concerned that your anxiety will impair your studies and applications. Tell them that if you apply to UCD, you will feel a lot more confident about the whole process.</p>

<p>Then offer them a deal: If you can complete all your applications and stuff a few days early, they let you apply to UCD.</p>

<p>I bet you they will go for it. Because it sounds to me like they are worried your approach is too laid back, and once you get into UCD you will coast. So if you can address that worry, you oughtta be ok.</p>

<p>JMHO.</p>

14

<p>I get that your video games seem important right now, given that the pressures of your senior year come next. </p>

<p>Can you see that, from the perspective of many adults, this time is particularly important with reference for getting your "ducks in a row" for the next phase of your life?</p>

<p>It doesn't have to be all one way or another. Experience (I'm as old as the hills) tells me that , when we feel that we are bending more than half way, it's about right.</p>

<p>Take it from the mom of a S who is starting his sophomore year at Duke in a couple of weeks: he made plenty of time to play Guitar Hero this summer. This is not your last chance!! LOL.</p>

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<p>Also: Couldn't you just check the box to apply to UCD without them knowing...?</p>

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<p>UCD is a wonderful university (better than UCI) in my biased opinion. My d attends UCD. :)</p>

<p>The two schools, are actully quite equal so if your parents find UCI acceptable and not UCD perhaps you need to educate them more. What is your choice for a major? My d turned down UCSD and UCSB for UCD based on quite a few very well reasoned concerns. One thing you could point out is that UCD offers many more majors than UCI. Perhaps you could suddenly become very interested in (possibly) majoring in something that UCD offers and UCI does not offer. Tell them you want to add UCD into the mix because there is a good chance you might want that major.</p>

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<p>haha thanks everyone for your suggestions and help!</p>

<p>I'm actually a biological sciences major >< and they offer that like everywhere haha..</p>

<p>yeah my parents operate solely on rankings, and according to them UCD isnt high enough on the list ( =__= )</p>

<p>what i'm really worried about, though, is that they dont trust that I can handle the process on my own. I'm working from 7:30 - 6 every day (including commute time) and when I get home i just want to crash and do nothing for the next few hours (except dishes, which i have to do on a daily basis). On the weekends, I work on apps for most of the day, whether it is writing or just research. I generally have AIM open on the side (because my bf is leaving for china in a few days and won't get back until middle of Sept). AIM is like a ticking bomb for my dad; if he sees it while i'm in "app" mode, he explodes. I know i'm going to work more [with less distractions] once my bf is gone, but my dad insists that I dont concentrate whatsoever, I dont care about my apps, and that I've gotten no work done.
because apparently research doesnt count as work.</p>

<p>I guess what I'm saying is I'm worried they won't let go, and all the added pressure of them trying to make me plan stuff out and write my plans down and go through an interrogation every week is not doing much for me or my essays.</p>

<p>for goodness sakes... its summer. And I feel like i'm probably far ahead of most people, but they're just not satisfied.
And theres definitely a problem when i feel like writing (which i enjoy immensely) is slave labor.</p>

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<p>What area of biological sciences? UCD is ranked higher than UCI in many areas of study. Within the biological sciences they are certainly on an equal footing. Look into the specifics. You may very well be able to make an excellent case to your parents for applying to both. ;)</p>

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<p>lol! why am i thinking you got chinese parents? :rolleyes:</p>

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<p>For example from US News</p>

<p>UCD offers:
Biological and biomedical sciences:botany/plant biology, cell/cellular biology and histology, cell biology and anatomy, microbiology, zoology/animal biology, entomology, genetics, neurobiology and neurophysiology, exercise physiology, environmental toxicology, biotechnology, molecular biochemistry, biology/biological sciences, evolutionary biology, ecology, evolution, systematics, and population biology
UCI offers:
Biological and biomedical sciences:botany/plant biology, cell/cellular biology and histology, biochemistry/biophysics and molecular biology, biology/biological sciences, genetics, ecology, evolution, systematics, and population biology, ecology</p>

<p>All of these are within biological sciences. So which school offers a more diverse range of potential majors?</p>