How to tell my Parents I don't want to be a doctor anymore?

Parents Forum
1

<p>I just decided last night, after deep consideration, that I don't want to be a doctor anymore. This thought process has been bugging me for a while now, and I didn't think of it as deeply as I did last night. It kept me up til 3 in the morning, and that's how scared I was. After thought and seeing more of biology and anatomy, I don't think I want to spend the rest of my life, and especially give up hopes on family and friends. I don't want to be sick out of my mind eitheir, but I am SCARED to death to tell my mom, who is so intent on being a doctor. I was also in Future Doctors of America, and this other girl I know was the leader, and she seemed to discourage me (plus she was BORING, she kept talking about her accomplishments), and I actually didn't like going to the meetings.
My mom has doubted me at times. I applied for this science conference that only one student from each school gets to go to, and i didn't get in. In fact, is was just between me and this one other student (they wouldn't tell me the name). But my AP Biology teacher said that it was REALLY close. My mom told me she thinks that teachers have gone up to the selection comittee and told me that I am "immature", or something.</p>

<p>I work with my Science Fair advisor everyday, and he tells me he wants to write reccommendations, keep in contact with me, and help me. But the other girl I mentioned is EXTREMELY smart, and I just learned she is going to the University of Pennsylvania (a reach school for me), through an interview at the next level fair and got 1st. Sometimes I feel I cannot be even compared to her by my teacher. I mean, she did a project in cancer research? And what did I do? Build these prototypes to protect swimmers from injuries in flipturns (inspired from my own concussion in swimming.) My mom doesn't even want me to continue it, she wants me to do biology, which I'm not sure I'm into that much anymore after AP Bio. I didn't make it to the prestigious fair she got in, I only got honorable menition at the level below it. But we both made it to States for PJAS, but that's not as prestigious. </p>

<p>I am trying to keep an open mind. I've thought about becoming an engineer (thanks to my project), or a high school science teacher, since my teacher has been such an important role in my life thus far. But it seems to be much to my mother's dismay. She apparently thinks you need an MD or PhD to make it. I feel so pressured and nervous to tell her about what I truly think and what I have deicded last night. My dad has confronted me a bucnh of times asking if this is really what I want to do, because mom keeps pushing pre med on me.</p>

<p>Sorry this is long, but I am really scared right now. It was at first meant to be a post about my teacher and what they think of me, but now it has become a HUGE mess, and I don't want it to get any worse.</p>

2

<p>You don’t need to have this discussion with your mother at all. You aren’t even in college yet, correct? The decision to apply to med school or not is years away, and the determination of whether you would even come close to qualifying for admission to medical school is also far away. It seems like you are a STEM-oriented kid, so you will probably taking classes your first year or two of college that would prepare you for med school, for any of the other options you named, and for other careers you haven’t even considered yet. By the time your career plans have gelled, you’ll be much more mature than you are now, and a discussion with your mother about your future will seem far less daunting.</p>

3

<p>Mom, listen, we need to talk. I know we love each other, and that you really envisioned me becoming a physician, but after thinking about it really hard and really deeply, I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s just not what I want to do with my life. I’m quickly losing interest in anything biology related.</p>

<p>I’m still in high school, and I don’t really know for sure what I want to do with my life, but I’m trying to decide between art or engineering. Which do you think would be better?</p>

<p>Which do you think she would recommend. :-)</p>

<p>You can then add that your boyfriend is an artist and that you helped him paint his motorcycle and it was loads of funl</p>

<p>I guarantee she’ll support your decision to study engineering. You can become a science teacher later. That part is easy. Sometimes parents need perspective too.</p>

4

<p>I agree. Unless Mom is pushing you toward some of the 7/8 year medical track degrees that are out there, I don’t think you need to say a word.</p>

5

<p>The mature decision is - you continued to explore who you want to be. And don’t create drama.</p>

6

<p>You first need to finish high school and go to college. And I think it will be important for you to learn to communicate with your parents. It sounds like you might want to start by talking to your dad. Is he asking you about your desires because he sees the pressure your mom is putting on you? Be honest with your parents. ((HUGS)) to you, neuronerd36. (And if 36 refers to an ACT score, you will have a lot of options for college!)</p>

7

<p>I’m on the side of “just keep it to yourself”. You have plenty of time to figure things out and most students change majors at least once by the end of college. Don’t base your decision on comparing yourself to this other girl–okay so maybe she’ll win a nobel prize someday (or not) but there’s plenty of room for all types in the STEM fields. Even if your assessment of her is correct and she’s a genius, sometimes it’s just as important to be “really smart”–and it sounds like you are. Personally I was intrigued by flipturn project. If you need to explain withdrawing from “future Drs of America”, tell your parents that your application needs more diverse EC’s to be interesting. Keep your options open, don’t worry about disappointing anyone and talk with your adviser about maximizing your profile for a wide variety of schools.</p>

8

<p>After his first semester at college, our son just told us he was so over being a medical doctor. We said okay. </p>

<p>Just be sure you pick a college that has your interests. As others have said, wait until college. If you decide on engineering, make sure your starting track meets engineering requirements as you could be looking at the following fall before you can get on one.</p>

9

<p>Your concussion-preventing swim flipturn project sounds FANTASTIC. Concussions are such a huge issue in sports, and yes, even in swimming. Someone who can look at that problem (any problem) and offer up possible solutions has a very bright future ahead, in many, many fields. Don’t despair, you’ll have many options that you AND your mother will be very proud of.</p>

10

<p>neuro - it’s fine what you are thinking and feeling and I’m sorry you are under so much pressure from your Mom. Being a doctor isn’t about those clubs and science projects that are done in high school anyway. </p>

<p>You may want to think about what it means to want to do scientific research, or to help people with their health problems, or to help athletes avoid injury, or to help athletes maximize their performance, or to help communities avoid infectious diseases, or whatever. All of those things are health related concerns and all would involve some kind of health or science degree which may or may not be an MD. There are many, many options out there and I think you need to talk to your Mom about the fact that you are too young to be pigeonholed into one of those options so early. </p>

<p>Good luck to you. It will be one of many adult conversations you will have with your Mom over the years.</p>

11

<p>My S was accepted to his univ.(same school his Dad went to for engineering) as an environmental engineering major. I think he chose it because he thought it was expected of him.<br>
Just before h.s. graduation, he told us he didn’t want to be an engineer. If my DH was the least bit disappointed, he never showed it. Told S to go for whatever he was interested in. So S changed his major to Natural Resources Policy and Administration(loved AP Environmental Science).
Just tell your Mom how you feel. She may take it better than you think.</p>

12

<p>If you are still in high school, you may feel as if you’ve invested a great deal of time and effort in walking down this road, but you really are not even ON the road yet–it’s by no means a problem to change your destination. </p>

<p>I decided I didn’t want to be a doctor during the fourth year of my RESIDENCY.</p>

13

<p>Why do you keep comparing yourself to everyone else? Who cares if the other people in your school achieved different things? If you truly don’t like medicine, then don’t do it, but don’t shy away because you think you’ll fail. If you are smart, medicine is a great option with high salary. What other passions do you have?</p>

14

<p>I did not decide to go into medicine until my Jr year of college. Really it was following the idea of one of my college friends. Not planned. To this day I think I could have been a good high school teacher in math, or a social worker, or an optometrist. I really see alot more things things out there. You may use ’ I decided to keep my options open. So many things look good to me.’</p>

15

<p>While I might agree that you have no need to tell your mom, I think it’s probably better to reveal you have different interests so you can pursue them. If you really don’t know other than you know you don’t want to go into medicine, then maybe Mum is the answer with mom.</p>

<p>Truth is - I always thought my kid would go to law school or similar. I saw him as a humanities junkie of sorts. But something clicked in him sr year of HS and he will graduate as a molecular bio biochem major with a minor in Middle Eastern history. And yes, the plan now is to continue on to med school. But he also had some internships etc that told he just as much about what he didn’t want to do as much as it informed him of where to head. Life is a journey and it’s YOUR journey. As long as you’re applying yourself and getting the most our of your education, I don’t see how a Mom could be less than proud that she raised a young man who is willing to know themselves. </p>

<p>The very first internship my S was involved in pretty much was an overview of the medical field. And basically the question to answer was… do you want to work this hard for a lot more years? He loved everything about it. For others, the answer was less clear and still more, a resounding no.</p>

16

<p>My very favorite major for incoming freshmen is “undecided.” Get into to college, take your gen bio, gen chem, and a couple of gen eds/humanities courses that look interesting. All the better if they are completely unrelated to science. Keep your options open. </p>

<p>Over the years, I’ve met a few kids with parents who are really invested in a particular carrer (and yeah, it’s usually medical doctor). It’s horrible for students, and you have my sympathy. I tend to agree with the others who say there’s no need to have it out right now. Med school aps are a long ways away and a lot can happen between then and now. When people ask your plans (a pretty common question for those approaching senior year), you tell them you’ll go to school X, and you would like to study “science” (or whatever) and see where that takes you. Do you want to be a doctor? Well, gee, question-asker, that’s a long way off. </p>

<p>One thing I will say is that the stress gets worse, not better. You think high school is competitive? Get a bunch of pre-meds together in a room. Yikes. If you are uncomfortable with the level of competition now, you’re probably correct in assuming another field (medical reseach, medical physics, literature, art history) is probably the way to go.</p>

17

<p>I will echo what virtually everyone else is saying. If it’s your Mom’s dream to be a doctor, then frankly, maybe SHE should consider applying to med school! If you have no enthusiasm for the idea at this early stage, it’s clearly not the path for you. Luckily, there are probably a dozen or more other good career options that are related to hard sciences in some way, and that will allow you to live a comfortable, well-rounded adult life with perhaps less stress than the medical school route would involve. I would simply recommend that you apply to large enough universities that you will have a wide choice of majors available to you once you are actually a college freshman/sophomore.
As ordinarylives said, just be sure to take general chemistry and general biology as a freshman and your options will remain open.</p>

18

<p>When I read your thread title, I assumed you were already in Medical School, trying to figure out how to break the news to your Mom by phone!</p>

<p>I think that’ll give you a bit of perspective on how some parents, including myself, see your situation. You have time to work on all of this.</p>

<p>Don’t stress out. </p>

<p>As for the other girl at school who is so shiny-brilliant, that is okay. You can have a fine career in any field, even when (or especially because) that field includes some very astonishing people who will operate in the stratosphere of that career. Perhaps you just met one of them early on. That doesn’t mean you can’t both be in the same career category, IF you and she still want to do it years from now. By analogy, every army has a tiny number of Generals and many more Captains; both are leaders; and neither can function without the other’s commitment.</p>

<p>I agree it might make sense to give a club called “Future Doctors of America” a rest for now. Join another science club, and tell Mom it’s good for your college apps to have some diversity in your EC’s, which is true. Is there a biology or ES club that does some environmental testing of fish populations or water quality, for example? Get out of the labs and into a boat!</p>

19

<p>I don’t think I would bother with the conversation at all. You are in high school, you are a long way from applying to med school.</p>

<p>You can be a medical student with any major, so don’t stress a major, perhaps just enter university undeclared. Explore breadth requirements, see what interests you.</p>

<p>Along the way you can still investigate medicine, away from annoying gunner premeds and pre-med clubs, by volunteering at a hospital, at an old folks home, at a homeless shelter and also shadow doctors, all sorts of doctors. Don’t worry about what some smarty pants show off high school senior tells you about medicine, if you think you might be interested, or not but want to rule it out, go see it in person, see what happens. Then you can have that conversation with Mom and you can tell her 4 years from now that you have investigated the profession and it is not for you. med school is 4 long hard years, residency and fellowships is 3-11 years of working hard of working long hard hours for low pay. Do not do this to please your parents.</p>

<p>You might review threads on CC pre-meds</p>

<p><a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/pre-med-topics/1486654-premed-resources-thread-start-here-first.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/pre-med-topics/1486654-premed-resources-thread-start-here-first.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p><a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/pre-med-topics/1484178-if-you-high-school-please-read-before-posting.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/pre-med-topics/1484178-if-you-high-school-please-read-before-posting.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

20

<p>I am not clear why you dont want to be a doctor anymore, or for that matter why you wanted to be a doctor in the first place.</p>

<p>If you are discouraged because the other girl seems smarter or ahead of you, give it up. No mater how smart, strong, tall, good looking, funny you are there is always someone out there is More of what you thought Your Thing was. And as you get older that will happen more and more. If you were the girl in high school who had her hand up and always knew the answer, that isnt going to be the case anymore in college. In fact, Smart Girl is probably going to have the same crisis as you next year when she gets to Univ Penn. </p>

<p>The world doesnt need one perfect doctor. It needs a lot of good, involved doctors. So if that is what you wanted to be, then nothing has changed.</p>