I’m a freshman in college. When I first got here, I felt uncomfortable and I wanted to go back home just because that was what was familiar to me. But I never really missed my parents (even though they’re very nice and everything) and I never missed my high school friends (probably because I’d gone to the same school from kindergarten to 12th grade, and I was tired of my high school friends). I also never had a girlfriend because I’m shy, so it’s not like I was missing a girl, either. But since then, I’ve become comfortable here. I have great grades and I’ve made new friends. I even met this cute, very confident girl who asked me out, so I have a girlfriend here who makes me really happy, too. Plus I feel like she’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I feel a lot happier here than I did at home. I’m going to visit home for Thanksgiving, but I don’t really want to and it’s making me feel guilty because I know my parents miss me and I’m their only kid so it’s not like they have another child to take care of to distract them. I don’t know how to deal with my feelings of guilt.
I feel like this isn’t a terrible problem to have. It’s great that you like school enough that you’ll miss it if you go home. Just go home and be with your family for a few days; they’ll be happy to see you and it’ll be a good break from classes even if you miss your school. You don’t have to feel guilty about anything. I’m sure your parents will love the fact that you love college so much.
You do you. It’s all okay. I hereby grant you permission to stay at school if you want for Thanksgiving guilt free. Your parents might feel bewildered for a bit, but then to borrow from John Green in his book Looking for Alaska, the main character’s parents got over that quickly and booked second honeymoon tickets to Europe. They will be okay. You will be okay. Your relationship with each other will probably be okay. You will all learn from the experience.
go home this ONE Thanksgiving. then in the future tell them in advance you would prefer to stay at school for all of the reasons you gave above.
Go home. Your parents raised you and got you launched to what seems like a great college experience. Throw them a bone, for crying out loud.
I disagree with DustyFeathers. I think you should go home. You are mature enough to handle not enjoying every second of every day. Sometimes you just have to do something you may not want to do.
Hopefully once you get there you will enjoy yourself. Setting a precedence of never being away from your GF isn’t healthy. She needs time with her family and friends and you need time with yours. It is not good for either of you to get where you can’t even enjoy being apart for a few days.
What if you planned some things to do with your family over the holiday? Movies, or hikes or shopping? Something you enjoy and they can enjoy with you?
Go home. You may not see the importance of it now, but trust me, you will eventually and will look back on it as a good decision. Plus, what do you think your friends and girlfriend are going to want to do. They wont all stay in town, im sure. I’ve been in a situation you are describing. Turns out, some times, I was the only one who was thinking that way.("not wanting to leave the fun’). That really sucked because now you lose on both ends.
Plus, not to be a bother to you buddy, but, you don’t want to disregard your parents over a girl that “might not be there tomorrow” you know what I mean?..Go home, relax, try to stay off your phone enough to give your parents the update they want to see, and give your mind a rest for finals.
I know this isn’t s funeral, but the beoader lesson in this piece applies.
http://www.npr.org/2005/08/08/4785079/always-go-to-the-funeral
Go because it would mean a lot to someone else that you care about.
Did I miss something, or is he not asking whether or not he should go home? It sounds like he’s just struggling with the guilt of liking college better than home, which is perfectly normal and a good sign that you’re doing well there. You’re at college for essentially the entire year, it seems crazy to not take the couple of days to spend time with your family. Maybe my family dynamics are different but that would never even be an option…
That turkey isn’t going to eat itself, go see your family blood is thicker than water.
It’s great to feel like you have found a home at college. I don’t think you should feel any guilt for that. Instead of thinking of it as not wanting to go home, think of it this way: Your time with your parents, who you seem to like and appreciate, is closing fast. When I first went to college, I felt a similar way - I had found a new home that felt truly like me, and while I had no major qualms with my old home, it simply didn’t compare.
What I learned over the first few years of college was that I had the rest of my life to make my home elsewhere, but only so much time to spend with my family that I appreciated. More importantly, you don’t have to sacrifice one for the other.
There’s an important concept and perspective here, summed up well by the following article:
http://waitbutwhy.com/2015/12/the-tail-end.html
Take a moment to think about that. Really enjoy the quality time that you have left with them. College breaks are one of the last times in life where family visits are easy. In the future, you need days off and lots of coordination. In college, they are there for the taking. Use them! As far as old high school friends go, that’s up to you. I think what’s important is that you appreciate the time with your family and make the last bit in your life into the best possible result.
In my mind, this isn’t about repaying a debt or a responsibility - it’s about starting a new stage in the relationship between you and your parents. If you feel as if you owe it to them, that is again up to you. But you decide, with them, what you want this to look like and what it actually ends up being.
Congrats on finding your place in college and good luck! Absolutely do not feel guilty for finding happiness - find a way to work in your new life with the parts of the old one that you wish.
It is great that your college experience is off to such a happy start. It will be nice to have a couple of days to reflect on your experience thus far and share the wonderful things about your college experience with your family. You may not miss your parents, but they miss you and that bond is certainly worth preserving not just now but for the rest of your life. Plus your college will likely clear out for the long weekend so staying there won’t be so much fun.
You should go home for Thanksgiving if the travel is not too cost-prohibitive or time-intensive (i.e., parents live on East Coast, you’re in college on West Coast). The first year in college is a big transition year for you…AND for your parents. Going home at the holidays helps with that transition. Tell your parents how much you love your school, how it really feels like home now, etc. They will probably be happy for you and also relieved that you found your niche at university.
Going back “home” to visit your parents from here on out will never be the same. I say it’s a transition period because parents have to adjust, too. For example, some parents expect to still enforce curfews on their kids when they return home on visits, whereas you might be used to heading out for the evening’s social events at 10pm, returning at 2-3am. Your parents might initially expect that it will be just like “the good old days” when you were in high school, but it won’t be quite like that. Enjoy your time with them and then savor that trip back to the university.
As a parent of college students, nothing I love more than to hear when they are happy at college.
Don’t feel guilty about enjoying your life at school, it’s what your parents should and likely do want.
As you are already going, just share with them how happy you are at school. Will make you all
enjoy the holiday. And even though you may not feel excited to see HS friends, sharing stories
about mutual college experiences can be a way to relive the enjoyment again, as well as get ideas
from other who are having a different experience.
As you already made the decision to go, make the most of your time at home,
and don’t fee it’s an obligation to go home for every holiday. Decide on a case by case basis.
@PengsPhils hit the nail on the head. Your college will still be there when you get back. The number of thanksgivings you might be able to be able to spend together with your parents might not be as numerous after you graduate college and move to another part of the country
If I read your post correctly, you have guilt about not going home. You should not feel guilty about not wanting to go home. A friend of mine hates transitions, ie he never wants anything to change. If at home he does not want to go to beach … once at beach does not want to go home. People are built different.
This is much different than actions. You should 100% go home even if you don’t want to. You are becoming an adult and with that comes obligations. Living life only doing what you want to all of the time would, in my opinion, lead to a narcissistic life.
Gosh, it’s only 4 days. The campus will be empty over Thanksgiving, a ghost town. Your parents are going to be thrilled you love your new life at school. Go home and tell them stories about how awesome it is!! That’s all they want from you! No need for guilt.
As a parent:
If your parents are “nice” and not toxic…please go home. As a freshman this might be the first time they have seen you since you left. They and other relatives are waiting to see you. You will also have to go home at Christmas (as they close the dorms). Next year, if you are still with that cute confident girl, maybe go to her house for T-giving.
You are at the beginning of the process of becoming independent, but remember that your parents are working on this too.
First of all, I love that you’re happy at college…you landed where we all wish our kids would land.
That said, go home. Don’t miss your first Thanksgiving that you’ve been gone…your parents will be heartbroken (I would be) and it’s part of life…seeing relatives and loved ones at big holidays.
I’m going to assume that you’re close enough that traveling home for T Day is not a big issue. For our family, it was [crosscountry does not really work for a 4-day break], and, even then, not having D home was very sad. I agree with @bopper. You’ll have plenty of chances to spend various holidays in various places. You can give your parents this one.