<p>*I noted that you use the “S” word. If you don’t believe in what others do, you are entitled to your personal opinion. But using those insulting words does not make your point correct. *</p>
<p>What “S” word? Where did PG use a naughty word?</p>
<p>Dad II, go back and read the title of this thread.</p>
<p>** I feel like a failure**</p>
<p>Then reread the OP’s post.
and
</p>
<p>When I read her post, my first thought was that her voice could have been that of your own daughter last year at this time.</p>
<p>Do you truly believe that the Asian culture’s emphasis on HYPS is healthy? It’s all well and good for students to aspire to excellent universities, but to make them feel that if they don’t get in, they have disappointed their parents or that their parents will be unworthy of respect is unhealthy and cruel.</p>
<p>
How do you know that the Asian cultures’ emphasis on HYPS? Like I posted previously, only on CC do you beleive that myth because in real life some Asian kids are on non-competitive academic track. If their parents put the emphasis on HYPS they would not be on that track.</p>
<p>There also isn’t just one Asian culture. There are many Asian cultures.</p>
<p>And within one Asian culture there is variation.</p>
<p>I regret making this thread now. My parents won’t think the world has ended if I don’t attend an Ivy. I know many Asian parents and their children have attended everything from Harvard to the local U, and their parents treat them just fine. Yes, you have those super helicopter anal parents who go ballistic if their kids don’t get into Ivies - but lets be honest here, they aren’t only Asians. And most Asians are NORMAL. While they might want their kids to get into HYPS badly, they will accept whatever happens.</p>
<p>Also, regarding the respect, I clarified that in a later post. My parents won’t be looked down upon, its a status thing and the gap would be closed. This definitely exists in American culture as well.</p>
<p>And my parents don’t make me feel that they will be disappointed. I find it ridiculous that this is being applied solely to Asian culture (no disrespect intended). All kids want their parents to be proud of them. Even in American culture, children are afraid of disappointing their parents. My parents have not indicated in any way that they will think less of me or love me - they’re just very excited for me, so personally, I’m worried that I will disappoint them.</p>
<p>Also, just the fact that kids post their grades on Facebook shows that in America, people DO share their grades with each other.</p>
<p>Glad to know that there are tacky people in every culture… even in America.</p>
<p>esoteric: You have it right. So stop worrying about your parents’ reaction. They love you, they’ll be proud of you.</p>
<p>^^^^^^lol.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>No, I’m not saying that at all.</p>
<p>I have to laugh at the “newspapers post student SAT scores.”
The newspaper also publishes the temperature in Dubuque and Orlando, but it doesn’t really register with me, since it doesn’t personally affect me. Same if the newspaper publishes the SAT scores or GPA’s of other kids. Tell me again why that wouldn’t just go in one ear and out the other, just like the temperatures in cities you’re not visiting?</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>They may very well have. Maybe he was the first kid in the family to go to college at all. Maybe he was really excited about Evergreen State and they were happy for him. What weird little bubble do people live in where they think that every parent of a senior dreams about HYPSM from September til April?</p>
<p>OP started this thread to get some support from some parents on CC, and she basically just got whole bunch people accusing her parents of being unsophisticated immigrants, putting unnecessary pressure on their kid, and pretty much too stupid to even know how to love their kid. I think I have captured the jest of most posts on this thread. We so want to put down other people in order to cover up our own inadequacy that we don’t even know how to give some comfort to a 17-18 year old during the most difficult time in her life. I just hope when our kids are away from us and looking at some strangers for support that there are better people out there than what I am seeing here.</p>
<p>There’s every evidence that Matt’s parents probably were delighted that he went to Evergreen State, a similar kind of college to the ones that his father and grandfather attended and where his grandfather taught.</p>
<p>Really it’s only on CC where so many people seem embarassed unless their kids attend HPYS. Even my Harvard peers are proud of whatever colleges their kids attended, and what careers their kids have. This includes Harvard classmates who have offspring in the trades.</p>
<p>About Matt Groening:</p>
<p>From Wikipedia:</p>
<p>“Matt’s grandfather Abram Groening was a professor at Tabor College, a Mennonite Brethren liberal arts college in Hillsboro, Kansas before moving to Albany College (now known as Lewis and Clark College) in Oregon in 1930.[7]”</p>
<p>Info about Matt’s father from another source:
"Meanwhile, Homer Groening, who died in 1996, was a jock with a quiet disposition and an English degree from Linfield College in McMinnville, Ore. He was a decorated World War II pilot who became a renowned ad man, cartoonist and writer. He perfected a backward basketball shot. He was an acclaimed documentary filmmaker with a passion for surfing. "</p>
<p><a href=“http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/entertainment/2003818762_realsimpsons030.html[/url]”>http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/entertainment/2003818762_realsimpsons030.html</a></p>
<p>
</p>
<p>I am just sick and tired of hearing on CC about how it’s so important to impress superficial and not-knowledgeable people, which is what describes the people who are treating esoteric’s parents badly because they earn less money. It’s the constant focus on impressing people whose criteria for being impressed is lame.</p>
<p>If the popular girls in school judge you because you don’t have a Louis Vuitton bag, is the “solution” to double and triple your efforts to achieve the prized LV bag? Or is the solution to realize that people like that aren’t worth the time of day and move on and do what suits you best? The lack of critical thinking bothers me. </p>
<p>Every culture has good and bad aspects, but the fact that so many kids on CC come on like this poster – feeling bad about themselves despite being excellent students by anyone’s standards, feeling that they’ll disappoint their parents deeply if they don’t get into an Ivy – tells me that’s a bad thing about that culture, and I see no reason not to call that out.</p>
<p>Time for some rickrolling.</p>
<p>Yes, there’s an “American” culture. When the immigrants are lamenting how different the grandchildren and especially the great-grandchildren are, and how different the parenting is, they may well be lamenting the Americanization of those generations. I doubt very much that Dad II’s great grandchildren will have a father who will pull the plug on the computer because a great grandchild didn’t write an essay when the father thought it should have been written. The fear that the children will do well, and the pushing that fear fuels, will be replace by an easier-going attitude as subsequent generations find their place in the fabric of American society. That place will be different from the place the original immigrants held.</p>
<p>There’s a reason why immigrants, as a whole, perform well economically in the US, why they create small businesses which do well (at often higher percentages than the American-born). My drycleaner, an immigrant from Greece, drives a Mercedes; I do not. The son now runs the business. His children, the grandkids of the immigrants, do not work with him as he worked with his parents when he was their age. His children’s experience, growing up in the US, is not his parents’ experience. They have some cultural ties to their heritage, but they see themselves as Americans first. I doubt very much they will work in the dry cleaning business.</p>
<p>The chances are excellent that these kids are eating turkey and/or corn and/or pumpkin on Thanksgiving, just like millions of other Americans, and the chances are good that they will care much more about their kids finding a way into adulthood than whether the way includes HYP.</p>
<p>If HYP were the be-all and end-all that some make it out to be, HYP graduates would be much more interested in having their kids go to HYP, instead of to any college which fits their children’s interests, temperaments, goals, etc.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Well, oldfort, they ARE unsophisticated because they believe their daughter’s stats make her a shoo-in for the Ivies (why won’t someone TELL all these parents that there simply isn’t enough ROOM for all the qualified kids? that qualified kids are turned down ALL THE LIVELONG DAY?) and they ARE putting unnecessary pressure on her because she feels like crap. Sorry if the truth hurts.</p>
<p>Oldfort, thank you so much. I really appreciated that.</p>
<p>Pizzagirl, with all due respect I would appreciate it if you didn’t reply in this thread further. I know you have good intentions but I feel very uncomfortable with you calling my parents unsophisticated. Whether or not you believe its true is another matter. You should have enough courtesy to refrain from calling someone else’s parents such. You keep on calling my parents unsophisticated but they are certainly more sophisticated than you - my mother often gives advice to others and she always manages to be courteous and respectful of the others involved. My mother is highly educated but she never, ever makes anyone feel as though they are lacking because they are not as educated as her. Yes, they are immigrants. They don’t understand some things. I am their only child. They love me. They are misguided, but to say they are unsophisticated? And to insist on it when others have asked you to be more cautious of who you’re saying what to?</p>
<p>My parents have made a tremendous amount of sacrifices for me. My parents are good people.</p>
<p>Before criticizing other people’s parents, you should keep in mind that you, too, as a parent have your own flaws. Its only human.</p>
<p>I feel very weird speaking like this to a parent. I’m very sorry if I have offended you, but I let it go on for a while. I have to stand up for my parents.</p>
<p>esoteric:</p>
<p>You are a loving daughter.
I have friends (immigrants) whose son received a B+ for the first time in his high school career. He worried that his parents would be disappointed. They had to reassure him that it was fine! Sometimes, children put pressure on themselves to live up to what they think as their parents’ pride in them and ambitions for them. But most of the time, parents just want their child to be happy and fulfilled. So don’t put pressure on yourself. As long as you know you’ve done as much as you could without going overboard, you’ll be fine, and so will your parents.</p>
<p>Parents (any parents) have to be careful that they don’t unintentionally give their kids the impression that super academic success (GPA, SAT, elite schools) is expected/demanded.</p>
<p>During final exam week, a student killed himself at my kids’ college. It is believed that he couldn’t face telling his parents that he hadn’t done well this semester. I have no idea if his parents are American-born or not. That’s not the point. </p>
<p>Very sad. I’m sure those parents would rather have their living son with bad grades, than a dead son with whatever grades.</p>
<p>Esoteric, that was an excellent post and I apologize for crossing the line.</p>