<p>Sounds like you are enduring the same growing up pains that many intensely introverted people go through – I know because I was one – you are not alone – just lonely. You appear to have many acquaintances (“I know you”) but few “friends” (people who share your enjoyment of either self or some thing) in your new environment.</p>
<p>There is no quick fix – it takes small steps which means calendar time, no planning needed, but patience and belief that there is hope that your desire for friendship will be fulfilled.</p>
<p>I will tell you the secret – you will only find a friend only if you go searching and usually the search itself does not prove successful – but the variety of places you go and things you do, produce the miracle that occurs – one simply walks bold-face into your life – out of the blue. I have had this happen 10-20 times simply because I refused to hide. I did have to become who I was not – an extrovert – I simply went as who I was – an introvert.</p>
<p>My generation’s old people used to call it “put your self out there” and would point to someone as an example – usually an extrovert. As an introvert, I used to look at the style used by the extroverts and say “No way” – their egotistical and arrogant – I don’t want to be like that… That was before I learned that they were made that way and I was made my way. We are meant to be different because that is part of the dance of life – the spice. Can you tell I am an old fart?</p>
<p>The reason your mother wants you to “join a club” is simply short-hand for “a club is a gathering place for 100s of people – you will have a better chance of finding someone with whom you can share by increasing your odds”. You will find no one if you do not try something “like that”.</p>
<p>If you are intensely introverted, you will “case the people” waiting for them to make the first move in the search. The only people who make a first move, minus those introverts acting on impulse, will be the extroverts – your opposite. Introverts who stay around extroverts get their batteries drained and must retreat to seclusion to recharge so simply know this is part of the “dance”.</p>
<p>Specific suggestions:
[1] Do you have a church – go to it – introduce yourself to the young adult minister
and guess what you will find that everyone else is there for the same thing
companionship.
[2] Volunteer to “work” somewhere that you ENJOY giving your time to. People observe
other people as they interact while at work. It allows introverts to assess if you are
worth their time to befriend (the I’m not an axe murderer test). The out of the blue
transformation of acquaintances to friends happens more often if you are
NOT “trying” to be friends but simply living your life and enjoying it.
[3] Increase the possible pool of friends by finding a small group of like minded people.</p>
<p>You may find you have to “cook this recipe” over many different stoves with many different spices but in the end it, you will perfect your own recipe that will taste just right for you.</p>
<p>Good luck…</p>