<p>I have been using earplugs. They work fairly well.</p>
<p>@intparent I’m just glad that someone else sees that OP’s already given up. If I’m being completely honest, it’s probably for the best that he’s leaving, so that he won’t be the Debbie Downer of his current university. Perhaps OP should just drop out altogether and go to trade school, or just enter the workforce. Or will he be posting complaints about those too when they don’t suit him?</p>
<p>I suppose it’s for the best that I suffer through these 4 years as an unhappy student, then. Since both of you seem so against the idea of transferring. Let me appease your ignorance and stay here because apparently YOU know exactly where I belong. If you won’t at least be respectful or courteous in your responses to my feelings, then I will return the favor and treat you as such. And really? Just because I don’t like my school it means I should drop out altogether? Very motivational of you, what a great mentor you must be.</p>
<p>One last thing, for your information. I’ve worked at an accounting firm as an intern, played club sports, worked for charities, etc… and I’ve enjoyed all of them immensely, so don’t assume I complain about everything when you know nothing about me as a person.</p>
<p>@berikson If you remove the mean-ness from those posts saying not to transfer, they have a good point. Basically they’re saying that they don’t think transferring will solve all your problems, and that you’ll need to reach out and make an effort to find friends at any school. Every school will have a lot of partying going on, especially at the frats (don’t try to find non-drinking friends there), every school will have clubs/activities/volunteering and people who don’t care for parties. Some problems really are that the school is a bad fit, other problems will follow you regardless of what school you’re at. I know you’re planning to transfer, but make sure you look in the right places for friends then so you don’t end up back in this situation. :)</p>
<p>I realize their point, but a big part of the issue is also location. I didn’t realize how hard it would be to live in an area like I am in now. Coming from the suburbs of Chicago where there is practically an infinite amount of activities to a cornfield in the middle of nowhere. Are there activities other than drinking? Sure, but a very small percentage compared to the party scene here. Now divide those activities again since not every activity relates to my interests.</p>
<p>I’m not doubting that there are good people/friends here, but if the setting isn’t right, what is the point?</p>
<p>You have mentioned cornfields in almost every post… you are on a campus with 20,000 other people. There IS a city there with restaurants, there is an arboretum, and a campus full of activities. You are seeing what you want to see. And you haven’t responded to the suggestion that maybe frats aren’t where you are going to find non-drinking, girl chasing friends. You are going to find that a losing approach to finding what you want no matter where you transfer to. </p>
<p>I actually support transferring for many students who have given an honest try in their situation or need to transfer for other reasons. Valid transfer reasons I can think of are finances, major not offered, family issues requiring you to be close to home, student health issues that can’t be managed on current campus, academics not up to the standard you are looking for, etc. You came here acting like you wanted advice on how to make friends and become less confused and lost at your campus. But what you really wanted to do was vent about cornfields and talk about transferring. What do cornfields have to do with academic success, clubs, volunteer activities, and making friends? Nothing.</p>
<p>I have stopped looking at frats, that phase only lasted about a week. I never said I NEEDED to join a frat, I was just looking there because my brothers told me to, because they enjoyed their time in one (but they’re different than me). Also, I’ve been to this “city” many times. 10-15 restaurants (~8 of which are chains) and a few small buildings do not constitute a city. An arboretum will not make me appreciate this campus anymore than the 5 around Chicago that never piqued my interest. I’ve made a few friends, as well, but there is still a feeling of emptiness. Deep down, no matter how many friends I have here, it will just be a fake “shell” happiness that I keep trying to convince myself is real. I feel that someone who truly likes their college atmosphere can be happy even without friends. If I’m relying on others for happiness, I know I don’t belong.</p>
<p>So why did you post? Your mind is made up and was made up before page 1 of this thread.</p>
<p>Maybe the truth is somewhere in between? This could be both a poor fit and as yet undeveloped skills for a young adult who is still growing at making lemonade when you feel you are dealt lemons. </p>
<p>Well, to be fair, I didn’t make up my mind until a day ago, so again…not true.</p>
<p>Nice of you to insult me over the internet though. GG.</p>
<p>When you post a query here, you have to expect that people are going to respond. If you don’t want to read all the answers, don’t ask!</p>
<p>Oh, pish. This kid seems fine and he’ll do well as he moves forward. He needs and wants a better fit. He doesn’t seem to be following a pipe dream, imho. </p>
<p>I’m not sure why people are on this thread posting unhelpful comments. I feel for OP’s situation, having been an active participant in Greek life (sorority) I know people not involved can feel like outsiders. I felt there was more pressure on the guys in fraternities vis a vis drinking than the sororities. Anyway, I think I want my kids to avoid schools with heavy Greek life for that reason.</p>
<p>OP, as a city kid I think you know you won’t be happy until you’re closer to your familiar environment. I DO think you could make your current situation work (others have given some good advice on finding people more like yourself), but it would take a lot of effort. I don’t think there’s any wrong answer here, but you need to make sure what you’re going to do next is a good plan, not just winging it or an escape with no direction. Do some good research on your next move so you don’t end up in a similar situation.</p>
<p>Best of luck to you!</p>
<p>I’m taken aback by the meanspirited comments of 3 posters who keep returning to bash the OP. I don’t sense any whiny-ness, entitlement, defeatism, etc in berikson’s posts. What’s wrong with saying “I made a bad decision and wound up in a place I don’t fit into well and I’m looking for a non-destructive way out”? Haven’t most of us been in that situation one way or another? Does this make us brats? OP, I think you sound mature and reasonable and I wish you good luck. </p>
<p>Thank you guys very much for the support. I’ve thought this decision through over and over again, nearly every night to make sure. I try to picture myself in other places to see how I would end up there. Every time I think of the city or picture myself there, I feel happy. :)</p>
<p>Maybe because that isn’t what he said… he said he went to frats looking for non-partying friends and couldn’t find them. Woe is me, I am stuck in the middle of a cornfield. We see lots of constructive posts out here from posters who either have made or want to make an actual effort to make their school work. And most of them do if they give it a try. Posters who don’t want to work at improving their situations and stop trying a month into their freshman year don’t get much sympathy from me. If he had been working at this into the spring, had tried some additional things, and it still wasn’t working, then by all means transfer. But his current attitude is self-fulfilling prophecy – he thinks he can’t find anyone, has basically stopped trying, and now won’t. </p>
<p>I think we have to agree to disagree, @intparent. Look at his description of how he approached life in high school. I see a pretty resilient, resourceful guy. Peace out. 
</p>
<p>MODERATOR’S NOTE: Please try to keep the discussion on track and refrain from personal attacks.</p>
<p>If the OP is willing to listen to possibilities (despite saying the mind is made up), I would suggest that if you’re not finding people who aren’t into the party scene, you’re not looking hard enough. I went to another state flagship for my undergrad, one that regularly makes top-ten party school (read: heavy drinking) lists, and my non-drinking self had a most excellent social life there.</p>
<p>I mean, UIUC has nearly 45,000 students—even if only 1% of the student population shares your values and preferences, that makes nearly 500 others. (And I suspect there’s more than 1%.) At this point, it’s just a matter of meeting them. In fact, a quick look at UIUC’s website tells me that Snyder Hall is an entire residence hall that’s substance-free, so there’s a starting point right there. Maybe look at some of the student clubs on campus that would fit with your lifestyle preferences, as well?</p>
<p>(No idea how to help with the snoring roommate problem, though.)</p>
<p>Just providing an anecdotal experience here, that I was sharing with some other friends earlier this evening. My first year at my college, I hated it - I was terribly homesick and was convinced I’d made the wrong choice; it was truly in the middle of nowhere - more so than UIUC. I came home every weekend except for two weekends - I was miserable. I tried hard to convince my parents to let me move back home and attend the University of Houston. They made me finish out the year and then I spent the summer at home. By my second year, I only went home two times. I did end up transferring my junior year to a college that was a better fit and where I was much happier, but in those first few weeks/months, it can seem wrong on so many levels, but I’m glad my parents encouraged me to stick it out. Had I not, and moved back home, I likely would not have ended up at the University of Texas to finish my degree, for which I am very grateful. For me, it was a lot about location, too. I was in San Marcos, Texas, which is about halfway between Austin and San Antonio - truly less things to do than in Champaign/Urbana. Austin was SO much better; in fact, I never wanted to leave after I graduated. </p>