<p>@intparent - I think you have made your points. Many times. I think that’s enough.</p>
<p>@berikson - I always tell people when they are choosing a school that they should consider all kinds of non-academic factors like urban vs. rural, large vs. small, sports, weather, so on and so forth. Unfortunately for whatever reasons you didn’t assess all this very well, plus the homesickness factor seems to be quite significant for you. For most this latter goes away after a semester at most, in fact for the majority it goes away after a few weeks. This doesn’t seem to be happening for you, maybe because you are so unhappy with the general environment more than you are actually missing your family. Hard for us to say.</p>
<p>I understand the point that some of your “critics” are making, and it is true that we see this all the time: students swear after 4 weeks that they hate where they are and they just cannot stand it, then by the end of the semester almost all of them cannot imagine being anywhere else and just love it. It does take a concerted effort and an open mind for this “magic” transformation to happen, and it is possible that would be true for you as well. But if your best fit is to be in a smaller school in an urban setting, then why anyone would encourage you to fight that is a bit beyond me. I choose to take you at your word that you know yourself well enough to know that you are an urban creature that thrives in that environment. You made a mistake in the college search process last year by not giving that enough weight (maybe because you just had no real experience outside that environment and so didn’t realize how much it would affect you), and it makes more sense to me to just correct that mistake and move on.</p>
<p>I would strongly encourage you, though, to not live at home even if you end up at a school within a few miles of it. IMO, a huge part of going to college is learning the independence and gaining the maturity that comes from being on your own. So if you do end up at DePaul, for example, try to pretend that you are more like 300 miles from home rather than going home every weekend. Assuming that being in the city would help make your college experience much better, then that should settle some of your issues, but it doesn’t address everything that you should be getting out of college. Just one humble opinion.</p>
<p>See if you can transfer into DePaul, Lake Forest, or Elmhurst for Spring semester.
Don’t pick UIC though, it’s very commuter and a big step down academically from UIUC.</p>
<p>UIC’s academics are actually fairly well regarded. The big issue between UIUC and UIC is that UIC tries to control grade inflation on the low level courses. There actually are policies about what percentage of the class should get As. </p>
<p>1) Ahhhh, remember me? No wonder you didnt like that comment about “drinking” and “smoking” as a way of getting friends. In your situation, well damn…idk what to tell you. You are old fashioned…which is fine and everything, but I think youre very mature for your age which is great…but I feel like youre Sort of like a “everyone is boring and how could they drink to only have fun” type of attitude. </p>
<p>2) You know, I have a friend who’s exactly like you. Well, sorta. He doesnt drink and is a great dude and all…but I feel like he looks down on the people who smoke and drink. its REALLY annoying. To your surprise, i was like you. Completely a fitness freak and didnt drink or smoke and I (not implying you) looked down on people who talked about girls and partying. I thought it was so immature and ANNOYING. Like, is there not anything else to talk about!!!</p>
<p>3) Youre right…theyre too stupid, but understand that theyre good people. I didnt think they were. I dont know why. I thought I was better than them. But then I started going to parties (without drinking) and it was fun! I then started drinking and it was even more fun! But whatever. Just gonna tell you that its gonna be super SUPER DIFFICULT TO FIND FRIENDS THAT ARE LIKE YOU. Im telling you. </p>
<p>4) “but he snores louder than a jet engine, making me miss my room and bed even more.” Lol, seems like youve never lived with a human before. Youll find some kind of problems with anyone you room with. My roomate was HATED on by my other roomates and he didnt even know about it! My best friend right now hated me the first semester I roomed with him. You never know how people view you. </p>
<p>5) Let loose. Congrats on getting to that school. Thats a huge step. But now, you gotta realize that people are different. Take risks and drink for once. Smoke for once. If you dont wanna do that, then go to a party sober and try to have fun. be with people. When youre 40, do you wanna look back and say, “Wow, I cant believe I didnt try some things out back then” YOULL REGRET IT. Im telling you right now. YOULL REGRET IT. You think you know everything now but then when youre older, youd be like, “Wow, I cant believe I was like that and thought that way”</p>
<p>I am willing to bet there is a sizable community of students who share your values. They are just not as visible or vocal (no one brags about the girls they did not sleep with or the alcohol they did not drink) so you assume you are the only one. I quickly checked, your school has about 45,000 students. I believe you can find a community within your campus. Before I go any further, PLEASE NOTE that I am not, by any means, categorizing you as “Christian” just because of your values. In fact, your reasons for avoiding alcohol and sex do not seem religious in nature. However, it sounds like you do not just want a few friends who do not drink, but want to be find at least an enclave within the student body where people have a similar lifestyle you might want to look into Campus Crusade for Christ or something along those lines. If you are into something that tends to attract people who are more religious and/or conservative, I think you will find what you are looking for. Any school as large as yours is incredibly diverse. Even if you are not religious, you just might find more people who have similar interests/values. </p>
<p>If you are looking for something non-religious, I would go with what intparent was saying about special housing or “alcohol-free” dorms (are there any, or is that more of a punch line at your school?)</p>
<p>Also – athough I normally have positive comments about community colleges, I do not think that is the right move for you unless you are really feeling not ready for college in general or finances are a major issue. </p>
<p>@shoboemom
“I can promise you that there are girls at your school that are hoping they meet someone like you! I know that finding them can be difficult though.” – I agree, but I don’t even think it will be difficult. He works out all the time and isn’t constantly trying to score, there are a ton of girls at your school who would love to meet you. </p>
<p>@intparent – Although I normally lean in the pro-fraternity direction when dishing “College Life” advice, I think you are correct. @Berikson – your fraternity/Greek life in general may not be a good fit if you do not feel comfortable there.</p>
<p>@Rolando4
“Ignore your dad. It’s your life/happiness, not his.”
It is Berikson’s happiness, but if it is his dad’s money, he has to find a mutually agreeable solution.</p>
<p>Aweee…My daughter is at UIUC and she has a friend that is in the exact situation! So funny. She is on full scholarship and now transferring to Illinois State. Stick it out till the end of the semester and pick out your courses for next semester. Regroup after Thanksgiving break and know you can go to community college next semester. BUT from a parent’s perspective you may regret it. UIUC is a party school but also many kids, including my daughter, have moments of feeling like the odd one out. You are not alone if feeling isolated. Don’t let it effect your studies. Remember you can ALWAYS transfer out. I would advise you to try to stick it out a year and do your best with grades, this will allow an easy transfer. You may find you like it or you are still miserable, but you will leave with good marks and a new perspective. My daughter also felt odd as the girls in the dorm all tried out for sororities and so did she and none of the ones she wanted picker her!! My beautiful, fun confident daughter was loosing her self esteem!! All her friends are in Elmhurst, or at other colleges. . Same thing with my daughter all her friends are at Illinois State and she felt they were having a lot more fun than she was. She finally is settling in. Seriously, you are not alone. She does party but also is very into her grades. She has joined three clubs and now feels she is adjusting to UIUC. I sure hope you are doing better. But seriously think about it, your future depends on it. If you really feel that disconnected talk to your parents about transferring for next year. Maybe if you stick it out for a year and still want to transfer they know you gave it your best.</p>
<p>I would at least transfer directly to DePaul or UIC. DePaul is expensive if you don’t have financial aid and my daughter has a few past class mates at UIC and they hate it and wish they got into UIUC. It obviously is effecting your studies and your well being. Stick out the semester and if you feel any odd thoughts of severe depression no college is worth that but make sure you tried to find your tribe as one commenter put it but reading your posts I am worried as a parent for you that you are mentally checking out of UIUC. A direct transfer would be better than UIUC CC then another college but I don’t see an issue with you getting accepted to either college with any path you choose. There is also Loyola. </p>
<p>My daughter is at UIUC and we live in DePaul. I hear the cornfield a lot about UIUC but does not even bother my daughter at all. You can feel isolated anywhere. DePaul is very clique a bit like high school. The school is behind our home. You are right you are around all different types of people but snobby older ones. Lincoln Park is pretty much all rich people. It is gorgeous though. UIUC is a much better school and DePaul has tons of drinking and parties. I know this because I see them and hear them all the time. Make sure you visit any place you transfer too because you might just end up wishing you never transferred. </p>
<p>@glasssculpture - "Make sure you visit any place you transfer too because you might just end up wishing you never transferred. " – This is absolutely true. Since you are talking about transferring to other schools that are in the same area, you must visit a few times and talk to some people there. If you are transferring because of “fit” make SURE you really understand what you are getting into.</p>
<p>I also did not fit into “typical” college life when I attended long ago. I found my comfort zone living off campus and focusing on my studies, PT job, etc. I really understand what you say about being surrounded by people of all ages with regular lives rather than a college bubble. I think you are very mature to recognize, and say, what is right for you rather than going along with the crowd. I cannot comment upon the ease of transferring but I think you have taken the right first steps by going to counseling and speaking to your family. Now it us up to you to make the best of it until you can make whatever changes will make you comfortable, which will require even more mature behavior than you have exhibited thus far. Good grades are key to all future options. Study hard. Attend events that make you comfortable and reevaluate around the holidays. I wish you all the best. </p>
<p>Thanks for the support. I can’t wait until the semester is over. Really hoping that Thanksgiving Break comes up fast so I can get some time to think.</p>
<p>Hey @glasssculpture, you said your daughter has a friend who is in a similar situation as me who decided to transfer to Illinois State. I have a few questions about this.
What didn’t she like? The same problems I have?
Did she drop out already or is she waiting out the semester and then transferring for Spring?</p>
<p>Funny I told my daughter about you and asked about her. She is still transferring but for spring, she is still in the dorms and doing better but still transferring. Her parents pushed her to go to UIUC she wanted Illinois State a school a lot less academic than UIUC but her major is education and honestly mental well being is not worth a school you are miserable at. Also she had a full scholarship she will loose. DON’t DROP OUT. She missed her friends horribly, most could not get into UIUC so went to Ilinois State. She was popular and is outgoing and like you difficult to hear they love their college. What are you studying? </p>
<p>Awe, you will be fine. you are so not alone. My daughter’s room mate is boy crazy and my daughter went through that phase in high school, she is a year older took a year off to travel and feels a bit of an outcast but she loves the school for its academics and clubs. She plans to study in Spain Spring 2016. She is slowly finding her tribe. Also don’t take too much heart in negative posts. Things will work out and worse case you transfer later than sooner but nothing is permanent or will define your life’s happiness. I assume your parents will want you to at least stick it out a semester, and I would agree. Get a few credits under your belt since they are paid for and if you feel real depressed talk with someone anyone because trust me it will pass and there are other options! ;)</p>
<p>Thanks, I really appreciate your kind words. I’m studying Business, by the way, but I may consider switching to Physical Therapy/Exercise Science.</p>
<p>I’m faced with a bit of a dilemma. I’ve been talking to my parents (mostly my mom, because I find it hard to bring this stuff up to my dad) a bit about transferring over the past few times I’ve been home. It seems that they are forcing me to stay the whole year before I can transfer by saying “that’s the only option you have.” One of the main schools I want to transfer to operates on a quarter system, so I wouldn’t be able to start until March and housing in the city could be an issue at that point. However, I can’t even imagine staying here for another semester. As I already feel unhappy here now, the hit that my mental health would take from that would be brutal. I’ve been thinking of sad thoughts (missing family, missing old memories, the short time left my dog has to live, sports I used to play, etc…) which never used to happen to me until the last few weeks. I never used to wish I could reverse time until now. I assume this is a result of a culmination of stress from increasing course work and anticipation for the semester to end so I can leave this place. If I stayed here, I think I would need therapy, but the campus counseling is lackluster (recommending group therapy despite requests for 1 on 1 sessions because they are unqualified or lazy.) What can I say to my parents so that they don’t make me stay here for another semester?</p>
<p>I’m sorry you are sad there, but it sounds like your parents have laid down the rules. If they are footing the bill for you, then I think you need to accept it. It doesn’t sound like your mom is saying that you cannot transfer. Just that you have to stick out the year. So, instead of focusing on how much you hate UIUC and you can’t imagine how you’ll make it through, put your efforts into your studies so that you have a great GPA for your transfer application. In the meantime, stay away from the frats if those types annoy you. Continue to try to find some clubs. I would imagine that in a school the size of UIUC, there’s some that are fitness related. Maybe you will find like minded people there. Have you looked into what types of alcohol free activities the university offers on weekends? </p>
<p>IMO, the first semester of college is a crazy adjustment for everyone. Lots of kids go nuts with their new found freedom…and when they get their first report card most will realize they have to dial it back. I know the frats SEEM to dominate things, that is just the type of people that they are. But realize that only 21% of the male population is in a fraternity there (according to the most recent common data set). That really is not all that much compared to some other schools I am familiar with. </p>
<p>I’m glad you visited the counseling center. If your situation continues to make you feel empty or sad, or you just need help with how to make it through the year, don’t hesitate to go back. If you are still on your parents insurance, and you wanted to see someone outside of school, investigate that if you want. </p>
<p>As far as the snoring roommate, you could have a lot worse things. Get yourself some earplugs. </p>
<p>Ask your parents if you can research other colleges over winter break and fill out transfer applications for next fall. In that case you will be there for a full year, but be positioned to go somewhere else if you still feel this strongly late in the spring. You can always stay if things turn around, too.</p>