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but can someone help? i just don't feel comfortable going up to her, not even knowing her name, etc...and also in the library...which seems awkward, but i know i'm just making excuses. it's just really disappointing...i go to a big school and the semester is over in a month.
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You're right about the last sentence; at a big school once class is over that may be it. And don't lose sight that college is a lot easier place to meet people than adult life. In a bar you've got what, an hour or two, to get a number or you'll never see them again.</p>
<p>But to get back to your main issue, I don't think its just one issue, its several. Lets call it confidence and expectations. For one thing, you've built up this whole mountain where you have to approach her and be witty and charming, and have her laughing and brushing your arm and sitting around later with her friends gushing about this guy she met, her camping by the phone in case you call. And so on. Relax!! It isn't about that. The first conversation is just small talk. It means little. </p>
<p>You're taking science classes, so you'll probably appreciate this numerical approach. To end up marrying one girl you'll probably date a few for 1/2 a year or more and then break it off. To date a few for 6+ months will require other relationships that go maybe 3-4 months before you break up. To get those require ones that go maybe 2 months and then you go separate ways. To get those require ones that go 5-10 dates. To get those requires some 3-5 date meeting, and each of those requires those 1-2 date things where things don't work out. And to actually land a date requires attempts at meeting, most of which won't lead anywhere.</p>
<p>So do the math. Its going to take a lot of rejections for that first date to get the ones that get off the ground, but that shouldn't make you desperate -- it should take the pressure off. You can't tell which it is up front. I'd be kinda scared, personally, if I had a 10 minute 1st meeting with a girl and then all of a sudden she was calling at all hours and acting totally hooked. Relationships take time to develop.</p>
<p>Ok, enough rambling. How does this tie into the girl in o-chem? It ties it because you've made too much out of meeting her, acting as if its your one chance to meet a girl and setting up difficult expectations. Turn it down a few notches. Its a chance to get to know a girl in your class who at first glance you find interesting but whom you know nothing, I repeat nothing. Given the numbers outlined above, odds are she's just one of many, many girls you'll talk to on the way to the altar.</p>
<p>So just talk to her. She's not from mars, she's a student just like you. She has the same concerns about making friends, getting good grades, picking a career, and so on that you have. Nobody can hand you a script of lines guaranteed to work; you just need an overall approach of friendliness and confidence. You're a person, she's a person, talk a bit and see what you might have in common. Maybe she's interested, maybe she has a crush on some other guy in her dorm and she's not interested right now, maybe you're just not her type. You'll never know if you don't try, and if you try and are rejected its just all part of the game.</p>
<p>There are numerous books and articles about social skills. One link, for example, is <a href="http://tinyurl.com/alaze%5B/url%5D">http://tinyurl.com/alaze</a> There are many books that can help, and you should also consider talking to a counselor at your school. College is a time for transitions, and not all of them are academic. Many kids enter not that skilled at social situations such as dating. Waiting for magic to strike is not a good approach; you're not going to wake up one morning magically confident and with girls lining up to talk to you. So if you want things to change you have to take steps to make it happen. Books can tell you some things, and many colleges also have workshops thru the counseling center for students who want to learn better skills.</p>