You’re still looking for your tribe. That tribe does exist at the university you are currently attending. But to throw in another analogy, sometimes you have to try on a few pairs of shoes in order to find a pair that fits. And it’s the same way with making friends. So if you opt to disengage from the community, then it’s going to be really hard to find your tribe.
A couple of things to try if you haven’t tried them already:
- Prop your door open when you’re in your dorm room (assuming the campus rules allow that).
- Study in a common room instead of studying alone in your room the whole time.
- When you study in the common room, bring snacks to share. Even if people aren’t going to study with you, they will notice your food. You offer them some and this strikes up a conversation.
- Buy/make cookies & walk around the residence hall sharing them. I did this a few times in the dorms in college and having a “prop” like that was surprisingly effective as an ice-breaker. For example, one time my grandmother had sent an enormous amount of homemade cookies and I shared it with everybody on my hall. I ended up meeting a whole bunch of people who I hadn’t talked to much before and, as a result, ended up with more options in terms of people to hang out with, people to go to the dining hall with, people to have fun with, etc.
- Start a study group in 1 or more of your classes, especially if you are a science/engineering major. same applies to if you have a hard math class.
- Talk to your RA. That’s what they are there for.
- If you were raised in a certain religious faith/practice, I bet that there is a group/club on campus for that particular religion. For example, campus Hillel groups will often have a Friday night Shabbat dinner. The Muslim student organization might meet weekly for social events. Christian groups will meet on campus for various activities…often on Friday/Saturday evenings in case you want a regular weekly “thing” to do with people that doesn’t involve heavy partying. Similarly for Buddhism & a plethora of other religions.
Also, something to consider from my outsider’s point of view…
Just because someone speaks a foreign language around you doesn’t necessarily mean that the person is talking about you or saying mean things about you.
MOST college students do not end up to be best buddies with their roommates. They might start freshman year off that way, but branch off to find their own tribes. Plus, sometimes living in a close confined space with another person for months at a time can be trying and it’s ok for you or your roommate to need some ‘breathing room’ sometimes. Try not to take it personally.
You should also try to consider that what you’re going through is kind of a metaphor for how you want to live your life. Don’t throw in the towel and leave right away when things are a bit hard or when you run into a bump in the road socially. It only means that for whatever reason, you didn’t click with your suitemates/roommates. If you’re living in a campus apartment and not a residence hall, then that might be part of the problem. You need to put yourself in situations in which you will run into people.
Pick ONE OR 2 THINGS to try each week. Heck, if breaking the ice & making conversation with people is really hard for you, then you should join Toastmasters on campus (if there’s one at your school). You’ll end up learning a very valuable skill (public speaking) that will also help you schmooze & network with people. Also helps with job interviewing skills.