<p>How come no matter what we try to do to help our kids (get them in counseling etc), that you still feel powerless and thats all you want to do is cry all the time. you know you are doing the right thing for him.</p>
<p>My youngest son is 15 - ADHD, ODD (i question this diagnosis since only has problems at home with dad), "mood disorder". We now believe he is fighting depression in which we are looking into finding a therapist that we feel might be a good fit for him. We did start him on an antidepressant. He has made comments about suicide at home and at school. Deep in my heart, both the MD and myself feel as tho these comments were made out in anger. Which any time in the past he commented on suicide it has been always in anger. My son told the MD that he does not have thoughts of killing himself, nor does he have thoughts of hurting anyone.</p>
<p>It hurts to know that your child is hurting, and try everything in your power to help him. We are looking into volunteering in a pet shop, horse stables etc,. He does have very low self esteem, and feels that noone likes him.</p>
<p>The other day I sat alone outside under the porch, as it is downpouring, with thunder and lightening, crying like niagara falls. These past few days seem like a blurr. But I know he will be back on the right track again, just hurts when you know your child is hurting.</p>
<p>Gosh I’m sorry. You are doing the right thing looking for a good counselor for him. Cyber hugs to you. And make sure you look after yourself too.</p>
<p>BOBBERS, I have no experience on this subject matter other than being a parent who loves my children.
I have dealt with hurt feelings and temporary social awkwardness, but that is it.
But I will say that I am so sorry for what you and your son are going through and I am sending cyber hugs your way. I sincerely hope that you get the help you need to get your son the help he needs to get through this difficult time in his life</p>
<p>If he just started recently on an anti-depressant, have you asked the doctor or pharmacist how many weeks it will take to start having a noticeable effect? Some take weeks to begin making a difference, even though if they are stopped suddenly, that impact happens very fast.</p>
<p>Two reasons to know this: keep your hopes up while waiting the necessary number of weeks; and if you don’t see changes, that’s reason to call back to a doctor to see if they should try a different one.</p>
<p>Who reminds him to take the meds daily? Also, are you sure he is taking the medicines? Sometimes it’s better to keep meds at the kitchen table, and take vitamins etc. together in front of each other. Teens can be odd about being on-and-off with their medicines.</p>
<p>FInally…awww. I’m sorry it’s rough for you these days. I live near Niagara Falls and it really is a lot of water. I wish you confidence that he will improve now that he’s in good medical care. I think this is a good time not to let him see you upset. Better to be an actor for a few weeks and say, “I think you’ll be feeling better soon, and I’m right here watching out for you.” Communicate gentle hope and confidence to him, and hide your tears from your son, just for a little while, if you can. </p>
<p>Get another medical opinion immediately as thoughts of suicide, let alone verbalizing this thought, are very serious. Do not let your guard down; do not convince yourself that these thoughts of killing himself will go away.</p>
<p>Best thoughts and prayers to you. I know how you feel. My D decided to purchase a ticket to a foreign Middle Eastern country to marry a person she met via the internet - most likely never to return - deal or alive. Went through the whole application process, etc. hoping that she would come to her senses. No luck. She has even taken to deliberately not doing work to make her grades drop. She has been brainwashed and nobody believes me. This is extremely frustrating.</p>
<p>We have gone through the whole process of trying to find her help - only to discover that nobody wants to get involved. I have been sitting here all day totally depressed because I wonder where we (I) went wrong. She is an extremely intelligent, caring person and never would I have imagined that life would take this ugly turn. She is now leading a double life - acting like a sacrificial lamb.</p>
<p>I feel, believe me. I can’t even cry anymore. I have no emotions.</p>
<p>Paying - I just noticed you were from Buffalo - im originally from Blasdel/West Seneca - moved to NC 3 1/2 yrs ago. </p>
<p>As far as the effects - about 2 weeks - we have a follow up appt with the MD in two weeks. They scheduled a psychiatrist appt - but the MD said it is a ways away - earliest then can get for him - suppose to be top of the line in the area that I am in. We are still looking for a psychologist - had one that he thought would be a fit - but doesnt take our insurance. I work with the MD - so he knows my son very well etc. </p>
<p>Thank you for all the support. I know we will get thru this. The sad thing is is that in the back of my mind I feel as tho my son maybe bipolar as well. Depression and Bipolar run in my family - so we will explore that with the psychiatrist.</p>
<p>Can the MD get him tested sooner for bipolar via a blood test? I don’t know if it works that way, but the MD would. Meanwhile, we’ll keep the Falls falling up here, you just take care of business :)</p>
<p>I don’t know if you’re already onto this source, but a great resource for reading about all of this is NAMI, the National Association for Mental Illness. Google up their excellent website My brother works for them so I know about their good work.</p>
<p>They do consumer education, advocacy and also have local support chapters around the nation. Headquarters are in D.C. but they are pretty much grass-roots oriented to help individuals and families understand.</p>
<p>Believe me what I say I will not let my guard down. My mother and sister attempted to commmit suicide - so I dont take those words lightly. My sister in laws brother lived with us about a year when I was a teenager and he committed suicide. </p>
<p>I make sure my son takes his medications daily. I am here when he wakes up and here when he goes to bed. He is pretty good about taking his medications. Also, when the MD asked him if he minded if we made him an appointment to speak to someone = my son was receptive to the idea. Most teenagers wont talk so that is a big step for him.</p>
<p>Working as a nurse and dealing with in in my family, i recognize the signs. I will never let my guard down with him.</p>
<p>BOBBERS: I am so sorry…you are doing all you can do. Time will help, he will move through this. Hang in there. Take care of yourself. Hugs. Lorelei</p>
<p>arjgn: I have sent you a personal message. Lorelei</p>
<p>BOBBEERS, you are being a good mom (I am making the assumption that you are the mom because you sound as I would. Forgive me if I am wrong—in which case you are a good dad!) You are doing all you can and you are hurting, hurting, hurting for your child. So hard and so sad. I can add nothing except to say that you should come here for support as you hold it together for your son.</p>
<p>arjgn; Is your daughter under 18? Is she funding her trip herself? Have you taken her to talk to someone from the country she is planning to visit to see if they can provide some more information (hopefully info to turn her off the culture :eek:) about the rights of women in that culture? She needs to talk to an EXPERT!!! I’m sorry for your situation…</p>
<p>There should be some in-state resources for you. A friend of mine went through this with her Aspergers ADD son. He was in crisis constantly in middle school, did a lot better in HS and is doing really well in college. I’m going to ask her about resources. You are doing a GREAT job! Hang in there.</p>
<p>Bobbers,
Did your insurance company provide you with a list pf psychologists in your area that are experienced with teens with depression/ADHD? Your S may need to meet with 1-3 people to find a good fit. Once you have a list, the psychiatrist may help narrow the choice. Is the ADHD diagnosis new? Most often once the diagnosis is made, psychological treatment is started to teach cognitive & social skills and address issues of self esteem.</p>
<p>I am so sorry you are going thru this. Suicide for teens is often a desire to escape, and they have little faith that their future will be better.</p>
<p>Arjgn, my sympathies to you too. Dr Phil had 2 shows devoted to a teen who did go to mideast to be with her internet b/f; perhaps you could watch the transcripts as a family?</p>
<p>BOBBEERS: Have you been evaluated for depression? You may need some help coping right now too, and depressive illness has a hereditary component. I’m sure crying like Niagara Falls is a reasonable response to your fear and sadness for your son, but the title of your thread leads me to encourage you to look out for your own well being as well.</p>
<p>My heart goes out to you. My S has ADD and he has managed to manage it pretty well in college.</p>
<p>Bobbers, I really feel for you and my thoughts are with you. You sound like a wonderful parent, but please make sure the psychiatrist or psychologist you and your son choose has experience working with teens. Not to long ago I was doing some research on teen depression. One of D’s friends, from what D told us, was experiencing some feelings that were concerning to D and to us. Teen depression can manifest differently than adult depression. </p>
<p>I think the idea of finding someplace for him to volunteer is wonderful. Years ago I taught a hs course that involved students in service–long before many schools adopted mandatory service hours. Some of the young people I taught had numerous problems, but the service changed many of them for the better. Doing things for others, even animals, can be a big boost to one’s self esteem. Another thought, our local animal shelter is always looking for volunteers.</p>
<p>((((((((((HUG))))))))))
You are doing everything you can to get your son help. I know it is overwelming that you can’t fix it. However, getting him connected with the right psychiatrist/therapist is the most impt thing for you to do.<br>
Good luck, we are thinking about you here and want to know how things go in the future. Perhaps if you give your city and state others may be able to pm you with therapist or psychiatrist that work well with children/adolescents such issues. Not sure if cognitive therapy would work well…i think the volunteer work would be good for him…he needs a purpose in life…some kids just can’t find their niche…Look at things he actually does well, or enjoys and maybe find a volunteer job in that area.</p>
<p>You are a great mom. Just hang in there and be strong for both of you. I agree with rrah and Atlmom: doing something for others is good therapy and any age, but more particularly during adolescence when even the most balanced kids tend to be self-centered. What about a new EC, a sport maybe, where he can meet people who don’t tend to think of him as a “problem” kid.
Finally, in your OP, you spoke about anger issues with his dad. This sounds typically teen (thank you freud), and well worth looking into. Could his father participate in a few sessions of S’s therapy? This might make all the difference, not only to your son’s present state of mind, but to the whole pattern of their future relationship.</p>
<p>The psychiatrist that we are going to go is a specialist with teens - works hand in hand with ADHD, Aspergers etc.</p>
<p>My son is not into sports, nor does he play any instruments - trust me we have tried. He did swim for the high school this year, but told me he doesnt want to do it next year - i dont think he likes the idea of swim practice everyday. I told him he might change his mind next year.</p>
<p>He loves animals - wants to be a marine biologist - that is why were are going to try and get him into like a Petsmart etc - plus an animal shelter.</p>
<p>I have talked to the MD about depression for me, but we feel at this point I am handling it ok. I would be the first person to go on medication for depression if i felt as tho i needed it esp since it does run im my family -depression, bipolar.</p>
<p>When i said I cry all the time, it was meant for all this week since the comments he made etc.</p>
<p>First, hugs and lots of empathy for you.
I know what it is to gush a torrent of tears about a child. I went through a long period with older S that was so painful for me that I ended up in the hospital with chest pains. It ended up that I was seriously depressed.</p>
<p>It sounds like you’re doing everything you can for your S. Please consider doing more for yourself. It is very, very hard for any loving parent to have a child whom they are worried about. Consequently, I suggest that you get some help for yourself: therapy.</p>
<p>I know that when I was in such pain over my S, it was my therapist who helped me see that I was doing the best that I could and my S’s difficulties didn’t mean I was a bad parent.</p>
<p>I am concerned about when you say that you went to “the MD” about depression for you. If the MD wasn’t a psychiatrist, I suggest that you see one since that’s the kind of doctor who specializes in depression and other mental health problems. I wouldn’t trust a diagnosis by a doctor who isn’t a psychiatrist since the doctor wouldn’t be a specialist. Saying this myself as someone with a doctorate in clinical psychology (though I left the field years ago).</p>
<p>If it ends up that you are depressed, research has indicated that for many people, the best treatment for depression is medication plus therapy. </p>
<p>I encourage you to continue using CC as a support. There are so many nice, helpful parents here.</p>