I think I'm a failure...

Student Lounge College Life
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it's hard for me to articulate this

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<p>You're doing well imo! </p>

<p>It sounds like in the past, your experience of happiness was never unadulterated or full because you experienced it as something time-limited, you knew that sadness, intense sadness, was going to be returning. Now, though, the experience of happiness seems fuller, freer, because you are not experiencing it as self-limiting and automatically scheduled to end, to be followed by more sadness.</p>

<p>If you still wish to talk, please let us know how your appointment goes on Thursday!</p>

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likewise for you

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<p>Thank you so much. Your kind words mean a great deal to me. :)</p>

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If you still wish to talk, please let us know how your appointment goes on Thursday!

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<p>It went very well. This psychiatrist is brilliant. Forget the doubts I've had before; he is easy to talk to and knowledgeable. </p>

<p>He diagnosed me with mild Asperger's :/ I didn't bring up the topic and I asked him why he thought this. He said it was based on my history and the way I presented myself.
I have more to say, but I should make a topic on the LD forum. </p>

<p>I talked to the school today and kept calm. I just told them that everything was fine and they accepted that. I still have to talk to one of their psychologists for at least a semester. Oh well.
I may sound pompous when I say this, but I don't think people should just take such careers just because they passed the courses. I have a feeling that those school psychologists just choose that path because they weren't able to become lawyers or doctors. They were trying to cover their insecurities about not knowing what they're doing.
For these kind of reasons, I hate the politically correct notion of encouraging everyone to get such high paying careers or even saying that everyone belongs in college altogether. Why don't they just make the curriculum more rigorous to weed out the unqualified? Meaning those who can't form their own opinions and do everything by the letter, no matter how wrong and stupid it looks.
I'm not saying that plumbers and electricians are stupid, but people who should aim for realistic trades instead are now the ones counseling me! I mean, I know I'm incapable of become a doctor, but I'm not applying to med school! Even if I did pass the courses, I don't have the innate ability to retain such medical knowledge and apply it to real life situations because that's not where my gifts lie.
Maybe I should speak to the other psychologist and see if I could see her instead...</p>

<p>I registered for classes yesterday. As I said before, I can't wait! I'm taking Philosophy, Anthropology, Educational Psychology and Speech this semester. I'm lucky to have such an interesting course load as I registered late. I heard that it's a lot of reading, which is great because it'll keep me busy and I love reading. It's a fresh new start for me and hopefully a more eventful year.</p>

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I have more to say

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<p>I was so happy to hear this. You sound confident and collected here. I like that! :) A part of freeing you to be you. Do speak--in both words and in actions! </p>

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I still have to talk to one of their psychologists for at least a semester.

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<p>How often must you see them? I agree that it could be worthwhile to try another one that might seem more congenial to you.</p>

<p>How often will you see your psychiatrist? Do keep trying to get therapy.</p>

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that's not where my gifts lie

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<p>You see gifts as being in the areas that one not only learns, but also can * retain* and apply. I like that way of looking at it. English is like that for you? Any other fields?</p>

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It's a fresh new start for me

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<p>:)! Good luck! I know that you can do well and I am cheering for you.</p>

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<p>^ I get to see the psychiatrist every month. A clinic called on Friday and I called back and left a message. I'm afraid they won't let me see him anymore because their own psychiatrist might make me switch meds and I'm already used to the one I have.</p>

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Any other fields?

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<p>This may sound like a paradox, but I'm brilliant at school presentations. I'm only complimented on giving memorable ones with style and substance. That's why I'm looking forward to Speech class. For some reason, I can't do socializing as well.</p>

<p>I'm athletically inclined. I even played basketball for a few years before getting sick of everyone taking it too seriously. I know winning is important, but at the end of the day, it's just a game!</p>

<p>I have a very good memory. People are surprised at the little details I remember that the average person usually forgets over time. That's probably why I do well in subjects like History.</p>

<p>This isn't necessarily a field, but when I find the motivation, I can be unusually neat and organized to the point where people are impressed. I keep my room cleaner than my parents do with theirs and I've had classmates find my endless school supplies and perfectly arranged binder impressive. I don't even ask for such compliments. </p>

<p>Thank you for being there for me.</p>

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<p>My sister left for Fordham a few days ago. I gave her this book she said she wanted which is The Essential Works of Oscar Wilde As for the good memory I mentioned earlier, she only said she would like the book once and that was over a month ago. </p>

<p>I also wrote her a card that was longer than I thought it would be. Instead of being about memories, it was laden with advice and encouragement for her to succeed there. I basically told her to reach her highest potential and to let no one get in her way. </p>

<p>Sometimes I don't know what my writings would lead to until I buckle down and let the words flow. She said she liked what I wrote; it seemed as if she liked it better than the gift :) Then I asked her why she was standing and saying nothing. She said, "I'd like to hug you, but you're sitting down."
Then we hugged for the longest we have ever hugged. I think she was crying, her eyes were watery and her face was red when we were finished.</p>

<p>I didn't know my sister would miss me that much. I did not know how important my presence was to my family. When I was at my Aunt's house for weeks, my parents kept calling me to wonder when I'd come back as if they genuinely felt the house was empty without me. My Mom said she did not realize how much I did until I left for weeks; she felt like she had to do more around the house, such as the dishes were piled up higher when I went away. She even missed that I made tea for her all the time.</p>

<p>I don't know why I'm sharing this, but I feel kind of sad that I'm not the one venturing out of my neighborhood. I don't feel like a real college student or even a real adult. I've had two instances this week where people assumed I was still in high school and my sister is older than me. I've been told that I look young for my age, but I don't feel that I look younger than her. I just feel like I've missed out on my youth because I let nothing happen in my life. Hopefully, I'll get a 4.0 from now on and find opportunities for myself. I want a second chance.</p>

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<p>Failuer, ok consider me teen mom, sho GPA is 1.5 something the's a loser 4 sure</p>

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I'm afraid they won't let me see him anymore

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<p>It would be scary to have to switch psychiatrists and medications right when you've gotten comfortable with the ones you have. Perhaps you can talk to the proposed new clinic about staying with your psychiatrist or at least interviewing their psychiatrist. It has been hard to find a clinic, but continuing the search (and/or considering approaching the psychologist you saw recently) might be better than accepting a situation that you're not comfortable with. Full confidence and trust in your therapists is very important.</p>

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This may sound like a paradox, but I'm brilliant at school presentations....For some reason, I can't do socializing as well.

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<p>Can I make a guess? With public speaking, you can be fully prepared and in control. Things can be made substantially predictable. I am thinking that you prepare yourself well to speak in public. </p>

<p>When socializing, though, one typically cannot have the same degree of control and predictability. Social situations require somewhat different skills, and different preparation. I believe that, in time, you can improve those skills and make those preparations.</p>

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I did not know how important my presence was to my family.

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<p>I imagine that it was gratifying and satisfying to find out, and I'm glad that you did! :) Thank you for telling a little about your sister and your family (and about your other strong fields).</p>

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I feel kind of sad that I'm not the one venturing out of my neighborhood.

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<p>Feeling sad, what if you look at the situation differently? I am thinking that you are "venturing out"--out of your previous situation, freeing yourself to be you, to find your true "neighborhood", by taking the opportunity and challenge of therapy. It took strength and courage to go to the counseling center to begin with, to start therapy, to tell your parents everything, to keep at it.</p>

<p>With persistence and progress in this new venture, you too can look forward to the day when you are the one, if you so choose, who will venture out in a more literal or physical way.</p>

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I've had two instances this week where people assumed I was still in high school and my sister is older than me.

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<p>I'm sorry that these events happened. It sounds like you found them a little humiliating, and understandably so. </p>

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because I let nothing happen in my life

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<p>It's frustrating to look back and think that things should have been done differently. One is helpless about the past, but what if you vow to "let something happen" from now on? Would that interest you, and how might you do that?</p>

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Hopefully, I'll get a 4.0 from now on and find opportunities for myself.

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<p>I cringe a little to hear the 4.0 idea. As I see it, your best opportunities will come from healing yourself and freeing yourself to be yourself. You'll then come to see your next steps, just as a plant blooms in the right conditions. :) </p>

<p>Good grades are certainly helpful and important. To suggest, though, that perfect grades are what you need, imo is incorrect and tends to create unhelpful stress and anxiety. Would you consider preparing goals such that "success" need not equal "perfection"?</p>

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Thank you for being there for me.

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<p>You're welcome. I am very happy to be there. Thank you for your kind words.</p>