<p>wjb, your response to goru’s post 41 are my sentiments exactly. </p>
<p>Goru…the level of parental involvement in third grade or in middle school should not be at the same level it is at in senior year of HS or in college. The way I interpret your post is that parents should not be involved at the school at any age! </p>
<p>What really caught my eye was your example of middle school parents who were involved in their kids accelerating in math and foreign language! You’d hate us then! LOL We were involved in school meetings with teachers, principals and the GC at that age to devise some accommodations for our girls’ learning needs. We did not have tracked classes in middle school, nor any gifted programs. Our girls ended up doing independent study for Algebra in 7th and Geometry in 8th under the supervision of a teacher. NOBODY here can take those courses at those grade levels. My kids needed to. This was their level. As well, my kids went into the adjoining HS and/or had independent studies to accelerate in French (one did French 2 at the high school), in English (one took two courses with seniors in 8th grade), long distance college level writing course, independent study history for part of the year under the supervision of the HS History Dept. Chair, and other accommodations to meet their learning needs. Even someone from the State Dept. of Education once sat in on a meeting about D2 in seventh grade and developing accommodations, as well as her elementary school principal who sat in who was concerned that D’s learning needs were not being met at our middle school. Even so, both Ds were very much involved in these meetings. While they did articulate and advocate for themselves, they needed a parent at that age to advocate for major accommodations for their learning plans that were atypical at our school. I don’t see that as parents stepping over a line. That IS the parents’ job at that age. </p>
<p>At the same time, I believe that in the later years of HS, there ought to be a transition where the student has most of the contact with school and the parent guides behind the scenes. However, I can think of a few situations during HS, where, as parents, we did go in to meet with a teacher or principal. Our kids had a wonderful GC who also advocated for them at the school. He would get in touch with us and we’d all be a team to solve issues that arose. I have a kid who wanted to graduate HS early (HER own idea) and yes, we had to be involved some with that, even though she initiated it. I’m also a former teacher and believe there is a place for parental involvement in K-12 education! We were quite involved. This didn’t mean taking over for our kids but it did mean being advocates and support people as adults, when they were younger. </p>
<p>I must admit that your post about parents who would get involved in middle school with regard to acceleration for their child amazes me. At that age, it is not either/or when it comes to the child being an advocate or the parents being the advocate. It is a team at that age. </p>
<p>I happen to have a copy of my child’s guidance counselor report to colleges (she just graduated college and so this was written five years ago) and in fact, the very first paragraph refers to this meeting I mentioned above that took place when she entered seventh grade at our MS/HS (same GC from 7th grade and up). </p>
<p>He wrote in that paragraph:</p>
<p>“My first true introduction to X was when she was a seventh grade student at X MS. As her guidance counselor, I was invited to a meeting to brainstorm academic options and opportunities. X was considered a gifted student and we were looking for ways to challenge and excite her as well as create a foundation that would be supportive and encouraging over the years. I left that meeting in awe of this young girl. She was articulate, concise, creative, and eager. I left the meeting thinking that she, at that age, was the most intelligent person in that meeting. Her visions and goals were clear. Her demeanor was professional, yet it was easy to see the seventh grader in her. She was aware that there would be roadblocks ahead but she was unafraid and comfortable with the thought of being a part of a creative academic process.”</p>
<p>Now, as parents, we did initiate a call for that meeting (our D was very much wanting it herself). We were part of that meeting to brainstorm accommodations for this child at the middle school. Did that mean our kid at age 12 (she may have been been 11 because she entered K one year early in fact), had nothing to do with advocating? If you knew this kid, she was a MAJOR advocate for her own learning. But she needed at an adult at that age to also advocate for things to be done at the school that had never been done (though her older sister had some accommodations that paved the way for her), though D2 had some other and additional ones. The GC even mentions that this 11/12 year old was the one advocating for herself with clear goals. </p>
<p>Now, skip ahead to senior year (well, for D2, her junior year was senior year)…she wrote each rec writer and GC a detailed letter about herself to help them write her recs. If there was something she hoped that they would speak to (for example, the fact that she was an early graduate and her readiness for college at age 16), she asked them to in the letter. Our role in that endeavor was to proofread her letter and guide her but she was the one to prepare it and meet with the rec writers and GC. And like someone else mentioned here, the GC had a couple meetings with parents to talk about anything to do with the college process. </p>
<p>My girls are VERY independent types (one even started college at 16 in Manhattan) and one has lived abroad and traveled abroad alone numerous times. But as they neared college and particularly IN college, we still advise and guide on some things but don’t do it FOR THEM. </p>
<p>We had NO contact with their colleges all four years. The girls handled everything on their own. We may have guided on an issue if they consulted us but did not handle it for them. Even when D1 applied to grad school or professional summer jobs, she has shown me her essays, resumes, and cover letters and asked for input. We don’t write these documents or call anyone for them but are there to support young independent women behind the scenes. </p>
<p>Anyway, there is a role for parents in K-12 education. The fact that you think it is pushy for a parent to advocate in elementary or middle school for their child’s learning needs goes against what I believe in both as a parent, a former teacher, and now a counselor myself. </p>
<p>For the OP, I don’t think what she did was so bad at all. I just happen to think that by senior year, a parent might want to guide the student how to go about such a matter on his own and go over his written statement or whatever but not do all the contact FOR the student at that age, depending on the matter at hand. There are some times, however, even in high school, where we had to talk to a teacher, GC, or principal. Parents are part of the TEAM that educates a child in the K-12 years. There is a place for parent involvement during those years in my view. At the same time, as a student nears the college years, the parental role needs to dial back more where the guidance is more of a facilitator and support person who doesn’t take over. By college, the student needs to be independent and have the contact with school personnel themselves. That is my view.</p>