I want to drop out

Parents Social Lounge
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<p>-Looking for some advice here because I have nowhere to turn and no one to talk to.
Thanks</p>

<p>I found myself into an unpleasant situation where I was unhappy in my university and wanted to transfer out. I disliked the academic program, felt out of place on that campus even though I admire the fantastic people {teachers, students and maintenance staffs}. Some of the lads love the school but it was not the ideal for me. </p>

<p>I did not transfer out because transfer students barely receive financial aid from other schools and because my parents would not understand and would be mad at me. After an excellent freshman year with a 3.9/4.0 GPA, I had a premonition that I would fail my next semester if I had return to my current school.</p>

<p>Not only did I fail the next semester, I fail every semester that came followed. Midterm would be 4.0 GPA but I ended up blowing off at the end of each semester. Major’s GPA remained a weak 3.0.</p>

<p>Why do I fail?
1- I responded to my situation in a childish way</p>

<p>2- Registrations are after midterms. During registrations, my adviser goes through my
transcripts with me. My past failures discourage me from successfully keeping my 4.0 midterm GPA because I have too much remorse, too much regrets. Regretting the failure and staying at a school where I was unhappy.</p>

<p>3- Discipline: I lost my focus very often. I fail at managing my time well. When the end semester approaches, too little, too late. I am late with my assignments and get failing grades.</p>

<p>Now that it is time to do internship and get ready for employments. Most companies ask for a copy of the transcript. Grad school is out of the horizon (at least not now with that bad transcript).</p>

<p>I got tired of parading around a transcript whose grades reflect more my time management than my academic aptitude. I have been forgiven twice for my repetitive failures; I don’t even want to have a talk with my adviser about what to do next because I am tired of explaining why I fail and begging for forgiveness. </p>

<p>They are going to cut all my financial aid anyway and since I have always wanted to leave that school, I asked myself one day: Why don’t you leave now? Take a semester off, get a job, set yourself straight then when you are ready, transfer to a school that you would like ( visited it before) and continue from there? A new environment. </p>

<p>I also got tired of forcing myself to continue just to please my parents. I got fed up of ruining my academic reputation for the sake of my family. I have already told my parents that I will lose my aid; in consequence I will leave school but will come back when I am ready.</p>

<p>That’s my rant for now. I have two choices if I withdrew. Get a job for 6 months or go abroad to Bolivia and live there for 6 months with a religious community and do volunteer services.</p>

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<p>why only 6 months?
I think that you definitely need a break from academics- perhaps you were taking too many credits, perhaps the curriculum was too difficult.</p>

<p>If your gpa is 3.00, that isnt failing, isn’t that a B average?
Who is cutting your financial aid? That doesn’t sound like a GPA that would put you on academic probation- but are you recieving a merit scholarship?</p>

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<p>My major GPA is 3.0 , but my overall GPA is below 3.0. I am receiving merit aid so It will be cut because I am not maintaining the cumulative GPA for that aid.</p>

<p>The curriculum wasn’t difficult and I was taking only 18/15 credits per semester. I know that reason 1 and 2 in my first posts are my major setback.</p>

<p>If I go to Bolivia to the community service, I might run out of money if I stay for more than 6 months. 6 months is also a long time to refresh oneself. What do you think?</p>

<p>I have always thought that a break could help but I never got the strength to bring it up because my parents would say no. So I call them last week and told them on the phone that I might have to take a break and please don’t be upset or angry at me.</p>

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<p>My suggestion would be to go out into the “real” world for as long as it takes for you to no longer either be beholden to your parents financially or where you no longer passive-aggressively take your anger out on your parents by failing your classes.</p>

<p>6 months in Bolivia is not necessarily long enough. It is also not the “real world” as you’d be a volunteer and living off of savings. While it may clear your head and help you reprioritize aspects of your life, because it is still an “escape destination” it may not be enough. I would suggest a combo of volunteer work followed by 1 or 2 years of working a real job, any job. A year at Starbucks, stuck in an office cubicle, flipping burgers, being a home-health aid, anything where the grind goes on and on and on and on for a few years will REALLY help you realize that your college education was a PRECIOUS GIFT that you threw away and will want to regain at any cost, including dealing with your parents or a school that is good but that you wish was even more uber-perfect than how perfect it is already. Your obstacles at school are pretty much all in your head - and a few years of working fulltime will probably cure that issue.</p>

<p>Good luck.</p>

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<p>Thanks for the advice annikasorrensen but without giving too much details, I can tell you that the problems that made me dislike my school were not in my head. After a few years at that place, I have grown to accept it for what it is. </p>

<p>The reason I want to leave is not because the school is not “perfect” enough for me, but simply because I fail to manage my time well and complete all my tasks. At the end, I received grades that did not reflect my true academic strength. I want to leave, so I can take time to develop an habit of consistent discipline then return to school.I want to take a break because in addition to losing my aid, it will be worthless for me to sit in a classroom and being graded for my time management than for my knowledge.</p>

<p>Your tentative to analyze my mind is a nice try but I know that my failure is not a passive-aggressive revenge on my parents. I might have difficulty to manage my time and remain consistent with my task but it does not mean that I am psychology deranged and emotionally unstable. </p>

<p>Without giving too much information about my life, I can guarantee you that I already know the importance of a college degree without the help of a Mac Donald jobs. I have done jobs that are worse than that, and I have met obstacles that you will only, only see in your nightmares or in your movie playlists.</p>

<p>I am not taking a break so I can learn the value of anything since I already know the value of everything. All I am looking for is to learn how to maximize that everything and make the best out of it.</p>

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<p>Since you’ve ruled out several suggested possible problems and potential fixes, have you considered getting help with your time management problems? This seems to be the issue you keep coming back to, and it will probably follow you out into the job market (with equally problematic results) unless you address it with counseling or a class.</p>

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<p>momofsongbird, at the end of this semester, two of my teachers talked to me and gave me good advice on time management.</p>

<p>I never thought about taking a class on time management as you suggested. You made a good point and I will keep it in mind. Thanks</p>

<p>When we are in school, we are often preached about the real world versus the classroom.</p>

<p>The irony of all this is that in the real world, I deal with things very well.I operate a small business which requires some travelling. I never miss deadlines for payments, always manage to stay constant with business correspondences,and make sure that everything is running smoothly. </p>

<p>Now, if only I could apply my real world discipline to school tasks.</p>

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<p>So what you’re saying is everything else is more important than getting good grades and doing well in school. That’s fine if those are your priorities. Take a year off and return when you think you want/need to.</p>

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<p>The fact that you have no one to talk to and have to resort a forum of strangers, however caring, suggests that you are too isolated and looking for answers in the wrong places. Go to the counseling service at your school and ask to speak to someone who can help you clarify your choices. They have experience dealing with students who are feeling disconnected and lost. They can help you think through your next steps.</p>

<p>One point they are sure to make is that the wrong reason to stay in school is because your parents will be angry if you leave. If that is the only thing keeping you there, then it’s time for you and them to do some serious talking. They may be disappointed and angry for a while, but ultimately, in most cases, their concern is for your well-being and they are your most obvious source of support for your next steps, whatever those are. Good luck…not everyone’s road is straight and clearly marked.</p>

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<p>some times ppl do badly in acadamics but excel in the business world. IMO, you should go to a trade school and learn some skills which interest you. The fact the college gave you merit means that you are smart, but you found out you are not interested in acadamics. So, why not try to learn a skill instead.</p>

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<p>You don’t specifically say that you are male but I suspect you are. Lots of guys don’t do well at . . . the compliance aspects of learning. Learn, yes. Fill out the report with the required title page, bibliography and table of contents . . not so much. </p>

<p>Ted Turner and Bill Gates are two people who have done amazing things in life without having finished a college degree. You may be next in line. </p>

<p>Meanwhile, your tone is an interesting one. You do take responsibility for your actions but there still is a bit of a whine in here. </p>

<p>If you were my kid, here’s what I’d want you to do:

  1. make a list of your joys and talents
  2. explore voraciously how you can pay rent using the joys and talents
  3. once that is well underway, then go back and do a post mortem on your screw up points in traditional courses (don’t do this now. The wounds are too fresh). </p>

<p>I bought one of my kids “Are you really ready for college?” – which is a book by some college dean. I have to day that a lot of the text is kind of juvenile – but the dean does target some of the standard tripping points for students – such as “hanging out in study group” is not the same as “studying.”</p>

<p>I am very serious about finding a way to pay rent with your joys and talents. We know one young man who works at a preschool. He is massively laid back and totally able to live in the moment (sharp contrast to hyper busy moms). He can play in the sand box all day long. The little kids love him. He is inching his way through a degree but he is paying the bills by being a pal to little kids. </p>

<p>Garrison Keillor has a man on his staff named Fred who makes the sound effects for the radio show. Fred probably drove his middle school teachers crazy by making creaking door noises or stomping foot steps at the back of algebra class – but he’s turned that amazing and odd noise making ability into a career. </p>

<p>I like the book Cryptonomicron – our hero spends five years of his life being the library reference desk warm body (he wasn’t a reference librarian – he was the shelver). He shelved books, placed orders and spent his evenings and weekends playing Dungeons and Dragons. Thing was, he read almost everything that came through his hands – so he was also spending five years of his life becoming massively educated on a wide range of topics (which comes in handy later in the adventure). </p>

<p>Wizards of the Coast is a multi million dollar industry that makes . . fantasy card games. People spend their days thinking up new monsters. </p>

<p>So the pre-med/med school path is not for you. Maybe not the pre-law/law school path either. So what. You have talents and joys. Go use them. LEt the college course work settle in around the framework of who you are.</p>

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<p>Of the 100’s million did not go to college, only a few, very fewwwww came to be as successful as some one Olymom mentioned above, forget about Turner and Gates… Its like once in a blue moon. That is why a skill is important, just to survive in the first part of your professional life.</p>

<p>If I were you, I take a gap year and go skiing(we called it ski bumming)…that is my passion, dose not have to be yours. After that you may come out of it and go back to college.</p>

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<p>Sounds to me like you have the capacity for self-management, but you lack the self-discipline to handle tasks you consider tedious. Sadly, for most of us, tedium is a condition of life. I would recommend a productive (and, yes, boring) job at home over a volunteer stint in an exotic(-ish) locale. The former will give you skills that you can apply to college; the latter may be an interesting and rewarding experience, but (aside from draining your savings) doesn’t have much to do with the kind of skills you seem to need to develop.</p>

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<p>Sounds like you need a breather from school. Assess where you are, why you’re there, what your goals are. Don’t waste your money, or your parent’s money, if you’re not really sure why you’re doing this. You won’t have a chance to redo those four years, but this may be your time to take a year or a semester off.</p>

<p>Consider a program that removes you from the daily grind of school and helps to give you perspective. Maybe this program:

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<p>Erin’s Dad, no, that’s not what I am saying.I wouldn’t be worried about my academic failure If everything else was more important to me than getting good grades and doing well in school since I succeed in everything else but school. </p>

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<p>Olymom, thanks for taking time to respond. I kindly appreciate it. </p>

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<p>School used to be my first passion until I found myself out of element here. I still have a genuine interest in academic because I still dream of going to grad school and do some other stuffs. Taking a break to enjoy something that I am passionate about was another passion of mine.But sometimes our responsibility in life, our empty wallet and the nonexistence of better alternatives prevent us from sailing away to enjoy our passion.
I wished that I had taken time off two years ago to enjoy a passion, if taking a gap year or withdrawing from school was not such a taboo in my family. </p>

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<p>Talking about being bright. I sometimes get the impression that teachers see me as too bright to fail.They raise my bar so high, that I am not even allowed to be weak academically. </p>

<p>I have a close friend who is allowed to get “I” and a slap on the wrist for her incomplete work while but I automatically get Ds and Fs by the same teachers. </p>

<p>If I ever go to one of those teachers and say " I am too stressed to take an exam" they would say “NO”. But another close friend who makes excuses about anxiety can postpone her exams if she doesn’t feel like taking them.</p>

<p>Those are solely examples. I never tried to walk out of an exam and I always get full score for them. One teacher said " You get 100% on your exams but you get Ds and Fs for turning take home assignments late. </p>

<p>With that being said, I thank everyone who took time to respond. I will try to make the best out of the situation once I get a final decision from my academic adviser and the financial aid office. I will work on time management and seek help on self-discipline for academic work. </p>

<p>Your advise are greatly appreciated and will be taken with an open-mind. I will remember to change the way I respond to my situation if I can’t change it.</p>

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<p>School used to be my first passion until I found myself out of element here.</p>

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<p>In what way are you out of your element? </p>

<p>Socially? Go to another school if you feel so socially out of touch that it affects your grades. </p>

<p>Academically? B’s ARE NOT BAD GRADES … and even C’s and D’s are still passing. I was a straight A student in high school, with excellent SAT scores. I found college extremely challenging. In college, I had some awesome grades & some grades on the other end of awesome. I actually got a job even without straight A’s, believe it or not. AND … I got admitted to an MBA program, too. You don’t have to be perfect. By expecting perfection from yourself, you may be sabotaging yourself on purpose. By not trying your hardest, on purpose, you will avoid finding out that you might not actually be perfect when you do try your hardest. Believe it or not, you do not need to be the top of the class.</p>

<p>Do you like what you are studying? If not, why not study something you like? Too many students take courses because they think they should … not because they actually want to study what they are studying. </p>

<p>Taking a break is a fine idea, but I don’t know if it will change anything in your academic life when you return. You need to find out why you are doing what you are doing, why you are feeling what you are feeling … and make changes in your life that will result in a better academic experience.</p>

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<p>It looks like that is exactly what you are doing. You have prioritized your business activities because they are more important to you or because you have a greater fear of what will happen if you fail in those. That doesn’t seem to be true for school. A little time off might be a good idea to see if you can figure out how to adjust.</p>

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<p>You have a few good options here. You can: 1) go get counseling; 2) go get a job; or 3) grow up.</p>

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<p>You may have an until-now undiagnosed Executive Function Disability. Talk with the counselors at your college about how you could be screened for this. This kind of disability often reveals itself in difficulties with time management just like the ones you have described. It is in the same family of disabilities as ADD, and as you may or may not know, people with ADD often can concentrate very effectively on tasks that are interesting to them (sometimes referred to as hyperconcentration) but wipe out on tasks that do not fully engage their interest. As with every other learning disability, smart kids get diagnosed last because they manage to compensate for their disabilities for a lot longer than kids who are less smart.</p>

<p>Your written English in this forum is not fully native-quality which makes me wonder if you learned it as a second language or if you might be dyslexic. Either of those situations could make college-level reading and writing requirements more challenging for you than for many of your classmates. Again, these are things that have their own fixes, but would require some time to sort out.</p>

<p>It is perfectly fine for you to take a leave of absence from your current college/university and work/travel/volunteer/whatever for a year or more. You don’t have to “drop out” just yet. Start by asking for a leave of absence instead. Your parents might find it easier to stomach because they will be able to pretend that you are headed back in the fall of 2011.</p>

<p>Wishing you all the best.</p>

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<p>I agree with happy mom (and also agree there are some problems with your writing, which would indicate that you are not totally comfortable with the process) and wonder if there is some issue that is not diagnosed, that is getting in your way. Maybe you should not be blaming yourself so much, but seeking help in finding out what the obstacles really are. Can your parents help with this, or do you have someone else who can help?</p>