<p>Son #2 has just secured a slot in the college of his choice and son #1 is a current college freshman. 2 down - 1 to go! This last son though, is completely different from his older brothers and I am trying to leverage the knowledge I have gained as a parent to help make his HS experience as rich and rewarding as it possibly can be. He attends a very good private school and so far has done <em>OK</em> (mostly b's with an A and C thrown in for good measure). He is kind, funny, well-liked but can also be anxious, unmotivated and passive. We are in the unique position to be able to look "outside of the box" and explore lots of options as a family of three that we couldn't have done with our older sons - living abroad, alternative education - whatever! We live in an affluent town and of all my kids - I fear he is at highest risk of developing an entitled attitude. I just have this gut instinct that this kid needs to have his cage rattled a little. I want him to develop some passion for something - anything! Before I get the "entitlement starts at home" lecture, please know that we are doing our very best to keep him grounded in a community where kids drive BMW's and most people have at least one vacation home. Both older brothers work and ask for very little. </p>
<p>So I guess my question to all of you is: if you had the opportunity to pick up and expose your kid to anything at all in the world - what would it be?</p>
<p>I would have him/her become fully engaged in community service – tutoring inner city kids, working in a local hospital, soup kitchen … whatever gets him to see the real world, and build a sense of humility.</p>
<p>I would expect that the private school that he attends encourages (and perhaps requires) community service. Perhaps you can work with his teacher(s)/counselors responsible for community service and help him find a good fit.</p>
<p>I doubt that “lectures”, travel, alternative education would lead to change.</p>
<p>I heard a talk by a young adult who described herself as being similar to your son when she was in high school. Her mother forced her to volunteer at a soup kitchen. </p>
<p>The teen had never before encountered people who were poor. She was surprised to see people lined up down the block for a free lunch that consisted of 2 hotdogs in buns and two scoops of beans. This was something that the teen would have turned her nose up, but she saw that the people who got that food were very grateful.</p>
<p>So many people wanted free lunches that the person running the soup kitchen told the volunteers to give one hotdog and one bun and one scoop of beans to each person.</p>
<p>That food ran out and there were people still in line who hadn’t gotten any food. When the teen realized there was nothing left, she ended up sobbing. That was the experience that turned her life around so she realized what she had and became committed to helping others.</p>
<p>Wow - If you had twins separated at birth, then the other one lives at my house. We have tried working at the Toys for Tots warehouse and Feed the Starving Children, but these are too disconnected with the actual customers. For his Justice class he walked with the homeless and then had dinner with them in below zero weather. He found this interesting and humbling, but that only lasted a short time. Here was the one that finally “got” to him. His hockey team sponsors a sled hockey team. These are young disabled kids who don’t have the use of their legs and use sleds with skate blades and short hockey sticks to maneuver. Some kids need to be pushed as they don’t have use of their arms. Everyone has a blast.</p>
<p>I hate to admit this, but he still has the “entitlement” attitude. I am thinking about sending him on a mission trip with our church this summer. My sister-in-law went with her son 2 years ago and it was the best thing that every happened to him. </p>
<p>We will be sending him to a private midwest college, but only because he needs a smaller environment to stay focused. We wanted to send him to Bentley in Mass. or to Franklin College in Lugano Switzerland, but felt that that would only feed his ego. (I did toy with the College of the Ozarks - a VERY humbling experience where the entire student body works to pay their way)</p>
<p>He is decent kid with strong character and good morals, I just wish…</p>
<p>The one thing we’ve exposed our kids to that seems to have stuck was live Shakespeare done by professional actors.</p>
<p>It gave them a whole new perspective on those hard to understand plays they had to read in school. Opened their eyes to the thought that maybe other things they had to read and study in school weren’t so dull.</p>
<p>My daughter has worked at an inner-city community center for about three years. Every Saturday, she supervises and facilitates play with underprivileged preschool through second grade children. While she enjoys the kids, many of their parents are rude, ignorant, and disrespectful of the staff. Dealing with the parents and watching how they interact with their own children is so difficult that she sometimes dreads going to work. The experience has diminished her optimism about volunteering and she questions how much positive impact she can really have on the kids, given their situation at home. However, when the next week rolls around, she always goes back and gives it her best. I think she feels weighed down by the responsibility.</p>
<p>Volunteering at a soup kitchen occasionally is fine, and perhaps the interaction is cursory for most volunteers. However, work such as this is not always immediately gratifying and many of the people who are targeted for help are not particularly grateful. A volunteer shouldn’t be motivated by the appreciation of those being helped and a teenager shouldn’t be “taught a lesson” with this type of work. The point of volunteering is to help people, not teach privileged kids a lesson.</p>
<p>See if there is a wheelchair basketball team in the area. Go watch. Those guys/gals are total balls to the wall players – makes one feel like a weenie to be giving less than 100%. </p>
<p>Tomorrow night Greg Mortenson is going to be on PBS’s Bill Moyer. Should be a thought provoking program. Greg is the man behind “Three cups of tea”. </p>
<p>I think I’d be tempted to be a bit odious with this one. Anytime there was a whine, I’d be saying “So, Mr. Smug and Brilliant. This is your world. What are YOU doing to fix its problems?”</p>
<p>My son has done two trips to Appalachia and one to South Carolina with our church’s annual summer mission trip. The first time he went, he came back astounded with “how little some people have” - spending a week with fixing roofs and building wheelchair ramps was good for him. He loves both doing the work projects and spending time with other teenage volunteers and even doing things like helping cook for the group. This was definitely good for his view of life and the world.</p>