If You Could Do It All Over Again

Prep School Admissions Prep School Parents
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<p>These responses have been incredibly helpful. I find it interesting to see how many people have mentioned sports and the role that they played or didn’t play in the decision making process. I also find it interesting to see how many people tried to form a relationship with AOs at the school. </p>

<p>Did anyone feel like they were given a “wink, wink” from an AO or on the other side a subtle signal that their child may not get accepted, or was acceptance day just a complete shock to everyone.</p>

<p>As I’ve mentioned before, our decision to go to BS is still very much up in the air as our son is at a great school right now. Downside of the school is that there is not significant differentiation in certain core subjects as son advances (ie. there is math and enriched math and you follow along one path regardless of where son is performing). I see that the BS curriculums at a number of schools provide much more differentiation in that if you are very strong in a certain subject there is ample ability to continue to explore it, perhaps to a level well beyond what you would expect in year 1 of university.</p>

<p>Have parents/students found that the expectations of the BS have been in line with what you were expecting to achieve? For those parents who had children go to BS from a very strong K-8 program what are some of your thoughts?</p>

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<p>@CanadaDad</p>

<p>Last year we had one AO say “…she WILL have options come April.”</p>

<p>We took that as a wink and a nod. In fact, daughter wasn’t even wait listed at that particular school.</p>

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<p>Funny, MomThree! We had an AO say pretty much the same thing to us, and we were waitlisted at that school. The hidden code words must be the silent ones:
“… just not here”, tacked on at the end ;)</p>

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<p>On point: Let the kid say what was wanted and needed in a school. </p>

<p>On point: Considered how important religion would or would not be </p>

<p>Mistake: No thinking through, truly and fully, the logistics of getting home for breaks</p>

<p>Mistake: Did not factor in level of stress (from boarding, academic work, demanding schedule, etc.) and true readiness for it</p>

<p>HSgrad</p>

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<p>The job of the AO is to encourage as many applications as possible. Until your app is in and reviewed, very few, if any, comments should be seen as portentous. Even in February, it is rare that comments can be all that discerning. You may or may not be in a group that have been “fast-tracked” for approval, because of some huge hook, like legacy or All-American credentials. You’re really not sure until the letter comes.</p>

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<p>Just to clear up any confusion that might exist on this board, being a legacy is not a “huge hook.” It might have been once upon a time, but clearly is no more. I had AOs at two different schools describe it as a thumb on the scale, no more. This would seem to be borne out by our experience. Our son is legacy at two HADES schools - he got into one and got waitlisted at other. The school that he was waitlisted at had more legacy applications than open spots in total (I think the numbers were something like 220 legacy applications, and the school was looking to enroll about 170 students).</p>

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<p>…all of the above with one add:</p>

<p>We wish we had asked whether those who start as freshman are given advantages over those who start as sophomores. At one of the kids schools, four-year students are offered numerous privileges that are obviously not merit-based and it creates a disadvantage for those who come in later. To the bitter end “diehards” receive privileges (dorm room choices, class offerings, etc.) that later-admits don’t, and they don’t mind flaunting it. It has been one of the traditions that I wished we had considered. Would it have been a deal-breaker? I don’t know. But going into the tradition-heavy graduation season, NOT having “diehard” status continues to be a sore point. </p>

<p>Other than that, all has worked out well. Other than starting the search process MUCH earlier, not much would be different.</p>

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<p>I agree, soxmom, but if a grandparent/parent alum brings a strong candidate and has been consistent on two important fronts: Alum Involvement and Alum Annual Giving, the admissions outcome is almost always favorable. I’ve heard of legacies being denied, but it usually had to do with an alum showing up on a school’s doorstep like a long lost relative with a good but borderline candidate.</p>

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<p>I have one for the homeschoolers out there, especially if you’re coming to the idea of boarding school later in your dc’s middle school years. We hadn’t planned on boarding school when GG was younger, but by middle school it was becoming apparent that few local options would be the right fit for high school, based on GG’s perceived needs and goals: </p>

<p>Document. Quantify.</p>

<p>We were in something of a hybrid situation. Our some-years-homeschooled GG had attended a local independent school for 6th+7th. Homeschooled for 8th. In our homeschool years, we had been in the habit, for state filing requirements, to “just keep on” – and provide everything to our HS evaluator in a big portfolio (read, large stacks on the dining table) at the end of the year.</p>

<p>Since we knew application requirements differed for homeschoolers, I didn’t think we’d need transcripts for the 8th grade year (school transcripts, SSATs etc. were stellar). Imagine my surprise, when, about January 10 (about), I received a call from PEA AO saying, “everything’s in order, all looks great. We just need your first semester transcript.” Panicked, I called back to say, in a nutshell…“Homeschool. What transcript.” And was told, oh, just send us a progress report of what you’ve been doing."</p>

<p>“Just?” “Just?!?!?”</p>

<p>We typically did a LOT as homeschoolers, but I had never really needed to write a report about it. And the deadline was, literally, looming. As I labored to quantify, thoroughly but without going overboard, what we’d been up to since September, it occurred to me to check in with other schools. Though all had originaly told me that the prior years’ transcripts would suffice (along with, of course, GGDad’s and my “current math and English teacher” forms), they all confirmed that they’d “assumed” or “would welcome” a somewhat formalized progress report. </p>

<p>In the end, I got it done. And it was an excellent exercise. It also made for smoother sailing at the end of the year, as it provided a template for the end-of-year transcript that schools request. And made me realize that, as often happens, we were a lot more busy and productive than we’d realized. </p>

<p>(For those who’ve followed our story, GG was admitted to PEA, which, imo, is one of the more “homeschool-friendly” schools out there. So is the school she chose, Emma Willard—though it’s not for everyone :wink: )</p>

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<ol>
<li>Expectations for college acceptance</li>
</ol>

<p>Make sure you are not one of those people who thinks doing well at a top BS translates to an admittance to an Ivy or other top-tier college.</p>

<p>We didn’t fit this category, but many of S classmates did.</p>

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<p>I’d modify that last one a bit–while doing well at a top BS doesn’t guarantee an admit to an Ivy, it does make other top tier colleges much better bets (unless you’re limiting top tier to Stanford and MIT). A look at the college matriculation data at any top tier school is evidence that the vast majority of students get into the top LAC’s, public colleges, and engineering/computer science schools in the country.</p>

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<p>And I’ll modify yours classicalmama, so do the top students at just about any public HS.</p>

<p>Just sayin.</p>

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<p>@Soxmom</p>

<p>I contacted every admission director after my personal visit with a follow-up thank-you note and some more questions. I am not sure if that is a right attitude. Some people say parents should stay away from contacting AOs who are very busy and may think parents are way too much trying to influence their kids. Some people say it is ok to contact them at an early stage of exploring the schools before the actual application process begins. (They claim that it also shows how supportive parents would be.)</p>

<p>All in all, when parents contact the AOs in a moderate manner, I do not think it will work against you. </p>

<p>During the communications with AOs, one thing I noticed, some schools’ AOs were very quick with friendly and sincere answers while some schools weren’t. It has nothing to do with kid’s qualification status. It is rather school atmosphere and culture. Some schools are just more open and friendly. And we tend to prefer schools like that.</p>

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<p>Apropos private versus public, here is an article from 2009 I ran across that delves into the debate. Operative quote -</p>

<p>“Attending a private school increases your chances of getting into a good college but decreases your chances of getting into a really good college”</p>

<p>[Best</a> High Schools 2009: The Best Schools (For You and Your Kid) | Boston Magazine](<a href=“http://www.bostonmagazine.com/2009/08/bestschools2009/]Best”>http://www.bostonmagazine.com/2009/08/bestschools2009/)</p>

<p>They updated the rankings again in 2012 -</p>

<p>[Boston’s</a> Best Schools 2012: Sort Schools by 15 Categories](<a href=“http://www.bostonmagazine.com/best-schools-boston-2012/]Boston’s”>Boston's Best Schools 2012: Sort Schools by 15 Categories)</p>

<p>Our local public school, ranked in the top ten, has an average SSAT score 17% lower than the BS we chose. And it is a great school with great staff and resources.</p>

<p>I think one should understand that, as far as college opportunities, BS parents are playing the odds. Will it guarantee <em>my</em> child a top spot at HYPMS? No. Will it tilt the odds more favorably toward getting into a good college? We certainly believe so.</p>

<p>But that is just icing on the cake. We believe other skills produced from a competitive, rigorous environment that pushes our kids to do their best, think critically, and approach the world from their own unique perspective are as, if not more, important than the college prep aspects. Can they get that at a public school? Perhaps. But those skills are virtually guaranteed at a competitive BS in our opinion.</p>

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<p>hasta: Agreed. I meant that the great majority of kids at top tier schools get into those great colleges, not just the top 20 percent. Of course, those kids would also be the top students at those public schools. The difference is that we don’t all have top public schools to send our kids too, so for many of us, bs does provide a significant boost in college admissions. </p>

<p>Not that I think that’s a good reason, all by itself, to send a kid to boarding school. I just think sometimes in the good faith effort to discourage parents from seeing top tier schools as the red carpeted path to the Ivies, we don’t give the schools credit for what they do extraordinarily well, which is getting most of their students into top schools (without limiting the definition of top to Ivies/MIT/Stanford). My public school doesn’t come close to that, even with its best students.</p>

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<p>Of course, those kids would also be the top students at those public schools.</p>

<p>I don’t know if I’d agree with that sentiment. Some of the most academic kids, who have high SATs, etc., might have been. It is a sentiment one hears frequently on this forum, but there’s no way to prove it. </p>

<p>First, when judging college outcomes, it’s nearly impossible if you can’t separate out the athletes. This holds for public and private high schools. So, choosing the right boarding school with support for a kid’s sport might make an enormous difference in college placement. Or, conversely, staying home so the kid can play on the outside travel team, or get specialized coaching might make the difference.</p>

<p>Second, boarding school is a different environment than a public or private day school. The kids who thrive at boarding school might not do as well at a day school. Independent and strong-minded teens might not listen to parents’ advice. Some of the top students at day schools are not ready to leave home yet–which is, lest we forget, normal for this age! In other words, kids are different. Academic talents are only one element in determining the “top” students at any school.</p>

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<p>Totally agree with classicalmama. What boarding schools do so well is get the vast majority of their kids into really good schools, beyond just HYP. Many public schools, even the good ones, just don’t have the resources to spend time working with and seeing each kid as an individual to help him or her find a school that’s a really good fit, including thinking outside the box. This is particularly true if you are outside the Northeast/MidAtlantic states, where I think there’s much more emphasis on going to state universities. Yes, many of those state universities are really great schools, but going to a school with 40,000 undergrads isn’t for everyone, and I think a lot of the public schools in those states have a real bent for just pushing all but the top couple of students to the state system. Certainly that was my experience, which is why I ended up going to boarding school.</p>

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<p>Funny, @Periwinkle, ChoatieDad doesn’t agree with that sentiment either, and I always shut down that particular conversation because, as you say, “there is no way to prove it”, so why discuss it? His position is that in public schools like ours you lose bright kids to boredom and peer pressure that smothers the drive for achievement by creating an atmosphere where it is definitely not cool to be smart. He was seriously concerned that our son would start out strong, like the bright, focused student we knew him to be in middle school, but then start drifting toward the peer-enforced mediocrity that would surround him in our high schools. He points to every other kid we know in the neighborhood and especially to those straight-A kids (which is, alas, most of them in our rampantly grade-inflated schools) who have no clue about or concern for the future.</p>

<p>I, of course, argue that our kiddo would persevere and remain at the top of the heap but, in our state, it’s a very wobbly pile. Like @classicalmama states, “we don’t all have top public schools to send our kids to”. Based on the data that came out this January, only 23% of our high school seniors even take the SAT, and you only have to slide down to the #6th-ranked school in the state before the metric for college readiness is 51%. So, even if our son stayed the course and remained a top student, it is clear that he very well might not be ready for (or desire) any challenge beyond our state university which basically takes all comers. So, though I have regrets as posted above, I certainly would agree to the BS route again if for no other reason than to rescue our child from this deadly environment where even being a top student at any of our local public schools isn’t much of an achievement.</p>

<p>If we had to do it all over again, perhaps we should not have left N. Andover, MA when our son was a toddler. Ah, one more (useless) regret. </p>

<p>@soxmom: You jumped in ahead of me, but your point:</p>

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<p>resonates here where ALL students are pushed to our state U because how can the one GC at each high school do much else? Oh to live in Michigan again… ;)</p>

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<p>As a further point, we DO live in an area with a top public school - one that routinely sends kids to top LAC’s and Ivies. But, that is the top strata at the school. There are also loads of kids (emphasis on “loads” as school size is about 4000) who might be bright, but fall into the “not cool to be smart” camp.</p>

<p>We have a child who - due to frequent moves when she was younger - is always the “new kid”. That is good in that she integrates easily, but bad in that if the “cool” kids don’t do homework, she all of a sudden thinks she doesn’t have to either. The top public schools can indeed provide the MOTIVATED kid a terrific shot at a top school, but our opinion is that if the kid is not driven, then they might be worse off. </p>

<p>We believe that the emphasis most prep schools have on learning for learning’s sake, will benefit her in the long run. Added to this the common approach that teaches them how to think, not just what to think, and we are hoping she will gain a lifetime skill. </p>

<p>Only time will tell if we chose the right path!</p>

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<p>It is cheaper to buy a home in a good school district than spending 200K on BS.</p>

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<p>Lucky for you, otherwise you might have become a frozen pie.</p>

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<p>UMichigan is a public Ivy.</p>

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<p>If the kid is not driven, they won’t do well at BS either.</p>