<p>It’s been five years now since my son graduated from Thacher so I’ve had the opportunity to consider carefully what we did and didn’t do well during the admission’s cycle. I have also had the opportunity to match the school’s promise of the type of kid they like to graduate against my son’s actual performance.</p>
<p>REGRETS
• We don’t really have any. We visited seven schools and he applied to five. This seemed like a good and manageable number for us. We did two reaches, two 50/50, and one safety. He got into three schools, one in each tier. Perhaps I would add a sixth school today. Mostly, I would advise new parents/applicants to be honest with themselves about what constitutes a reach, a 50/50, and a safety and have schools in all three categories. That way, your application load is manageable and the probability of admission is improved.</p>
<p>WHAT WE DID WELL
• We encouraged our son to do his own research and come to us with reasons why he wanted to visit certain schools.
• We did not rush the visits themselves. We always took extra time to go to a game, walk the campus, get out of the admission’s bubble and see for ourselves how the kids interacted with one another in different venues. It ruled out two schools for us that had looked ok during the tour and interviews.
• We did not over-coach our son on interviews.
• We got out of our East Coast comfort zone (which, honestly, I had resisted doing) and went across the country to visit Thacher. This was more an accident of fate than anything else. I suppose I could say that what we did well was not to summarily shut down the possibility of this quite different boarding school experience.
• We successfully matched our son to a school that would offer him NEW AND ACHIEVEABLE experiences that would make him well-rounded, a trait our family strives for. It’s all well and good for a school to have ultra-advanced this and ultra varsity that, but if the reality is that your child will never really experience those things because they are not “ultra” in that area, then what good are the impressive specialties? It’s all about being able to try things (with a straight face). Leave the specialization to colleges was our view. (If our son had been a stone cold Einstein, I might have felt differently, but he was (is) just a well-rounded, active, smart young man.
• Not take too seriously what he was good at it in middle school. He was an excellent wrestler, for instance, but Thacher had no wrestling. They did have other things to offer like horseback riding, mountain climbing, intensive camping experiences etc and these became great joys of his, and were new experiences.
• We had not heard or seen of CC, which was a great thing. It let us stay focused on being the best that we could be and not live in a constant state of comparison, which can be debilitating and distracting.</p>
<p>We live in the best (highest-performing) school district in our state. The stats I quoted above describe this district, too. The top 2% of our schools rank only in the 75th percentile nationally. Moving out of state is not an option right now but, believe me, we have tried.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Precisely. If there was any way we could get back to Michigan in time to establish residency before college, we would in a heartbeat. Just can’t happen. :(</p>
<p>pwalsh…he went to George Washington University (Elliott School of International Affairs)…the back story on college choice (he was our third and last child) is that my wife was a NICU nurse at GW Hospital. This gave us 60% off my son’s college tuition provided he maintained a >3.0 GPA. If he had had his druthers, he would have chosen a Penn (like my daughter) or an NYU, but we couldn’t pass up the tuition savings, especially after four years of Thacher.</p>
<p>Two other things to note: </p>
<ol>
<li><p>He loved D.C., it’s nirvana for a kid who enjoys a multicultural city and foreign affairs, a very exciting place to live and study.</p></li>
<li><p>Between Thacher and GW, he took a GAP year, which I’ve written about on this site. First six months he was in money earning mode, and the second six months he and a friend volunteered at [url=<a href=“Conservacionpatagonica.org”>http://www.conservacionpatagonica.org/]Conservacion</a> Patagonica :: Creating the Future Patagonia National Park in Chile<a href=“first%20three%20months”>/url</a> and then second three months found an apartment in Buenos Aires, where they enjoyed the city as tourists. None of this was part of an official program; they created the trip themselves. We’re all huge advocates for GAP years.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>Hmmm. I don’t think we did anything particularly well. We did visit a lot of schools, but we chose them based on offerings and recommendations, not on how hard they would be to get into. We certainly were one of the families who just assumed our bright great kid would get in somewhere, and thought the whole idea of ‘reach’ and ‘safe’ schools was silly at this level. (My thought process was something along the lines of, 'if THAT kid could get into Choate, surely my kid can!")</p>
<p>On the whole it’s for the best, because our bright great kid was also immature in some important ways - she just wasn’t self-motivated enough and was overwhelmed by much of the process. She will be so much better prepared to try again this year (which at this point she’s planning to do.)</p>
<p>We will also meet at least once with an educational consultant to get some advice on the process, choosing good fit schools, etc. (If my daughter hears it from her, rather than me saying “I read about this great school on College Confidential” she’ll be more likely to listen!)</p>
<p>So, stupid question: she has to take the SSATs again, right? Her score last year doesn’t carry over?</p>
<p>No, she isn’t “likely to get a higher score,” as the percentiles are compared against students of the same grade. But I believe that the schools require a score from the then current year – what they want to know is how does she compare to the current crop of students taking the test and applying to schools, not how did she compare to last year’s batch.</p>
<p>“If the kid is not driven, they won’t do well in BS either.”</p>
<p>I think that if the kid willingly takes part in applying and starting at BS foregoing local PS option, I’d say the kid is driven enough to succeed in BS.</p>
<p>We decided against BS option for C for now. We still need to notify the BS. Many reasons but local friends convinced C out of it.</p>
<p>At his best-in-the-state HS, majority of kids are “smart is not cool” type. He used be teased b/c he can multiply two digit numbers in head. He no longer minds being called mr. calculator or as such. There indeed are the few smart and “nerdy” kids who are shunned but make it to good colleges out of state from his school. But DC is the type who would rather “fit in” than be shunned. This year one dedicated senior was accepted to Harvard.
Naturally, kids assume they too can make it to Ivies even though they don’t make slightest efforts nor have dedication.</p>
<p>One of my motivation for pursuing BS was to steer C out from the path to our national-party-school state flagship university. We will see how it goes in 4 years. Meanwhile I need to move to CC college board. ;)</p>
<p>It is certain that DC will graduate with 4.0 GPA or 5.0 b/c at his nationally-ranked HS, 50% gets all A’s each year (b/c “everyone works so hard” per school communication).
Per state record, 60% of kids in this school failed to meet ever-reduced state proficiency level in math test. They still can receive 4.0 GPA while not being proficient enough for a high schooler.</p>
<p>follow up to the OP’s last question - would you do it again. Yes, yes, and yes, for both kids. D13 just called from BS. She got an award today which roughly translates as “most improved” When I remember the child I sent to this school - disillusioned with the social scene at home, exhausted by trying to find some common ground with people who didn’t share her values, full of self-doubt, etc etc - and contrast it with today’s energetic, on-top-of-the-world, “out of my way, got things to do” independent young lady, yes, it was worth the expense and empty nest. </p>
<p>A friend of hers posted some photos today - the senior class cook out. Do I feel wistful knowing that she has a life on her own, with her parents just peeking in - yes. But my god does she look happy and ready for the next part of the adventure. We were spending plenty of money on day school at home. But we wouldn’t have gotten this at any price - she needed the independence in order to get the confidence.</p>
<p>SSAC - I loved reading your post. There is nothing better than watching your child come into their own, on their own. In my view, it is the essential value of the boarding school experience.</p>
<p>What really struck a chord with me in ssacd’s email was the idea of your child having a life of his or her own with “parents just peeking in.” It is bittersweet.</p>
<p>I have a teenager away and one at home and I’d say I’m just peeking in on both of their lives. Sure the teen at home and his friends sometimes hang out in the house and talk, but most often they’re off doing their own thing. I do miss seeing concerts and sporting events live, but the rest of it seems to me to be just a natural part of growing up and away.</p>
<p>On the upside, I sometimes feel like distance makes it safer for the kid who’s away to open up–he knows I don’t know the other parents, teachers, or kids, so there’s a layer of privacy around his life that makes it easier to talk and listen because unless I talk to his adviser, I see pretty much just what he wants me to see, which is a lot, but almost certainly not everything. The teen at home has no place to hide!</p>
<p>I decided to apply to Groton (only Groton because they start in eighth grade) the day of the deadline, and they gave me an extra two weeks. Aside from incredibly short notice and barely any thought, there are a couple things I wish I’d done. First off, my “hook” might be my writing, and I didn’t send in a sample of it, I just listed awards I’d won. The second was spending more time on the essays, but I don’t think I could’ve–I submitted them at the last minute.<br>
I do acknowledge that I (think I) represented well in my interview, but I know I could do even better after exploring the school more thoroughly. It also would’ve been helpful to have finished my application by the day of the visit so my interviewer could ask me questions about it.
If you don’t know, I ended up on Groton’s waitlist. If I’d done the things listed above, I think I might have gotten much better news on March 10.</p>
<p>I’ll answer as a student, since my parents do not have an account (and the process was mostly driven by me).</p>
<ol>
<li><p>Certain things that they think they did well during the application process to BS (how they selected schools, number of schools applied to, what they considered in making decisions etc.)
[ul][<em>]Never ranked any of our schools
[</em>]Selected schools that would engage interest/passion
[<em>]Selected four schools to apply to
[</em>]Researched each school thoroughly
[<em>]Did not have a script for interview, but a sketch
[</em>]Tried to have as many on-site interviews as possible (3/4)
[<em>]Still looked forwards to public high school, and planned for that as well
[</em>]Sent in some “hooks,” i.e. arts, music[/ul]</p></li>
<li><p>Things that they would do differently if they could;
[ul][<em>]Look beyond GLADCHEMMS + rivals of GLADCHEMMS (e.x. Hotchkiss and Taft)
[</em>]Stop rushing applications and proofread them. A Gateway application cut off the most important half of my Hotchkiss application, and I didn’t notice because I didn’t check it over before I submitted!
[<em>]Be more relaxed during the tour (I was awkwardly anti-social).
[</em>]Break the news better to friends
[<em>]Put more effort into my file, making sure that my music samples were good, etc.
[</em>]Finished applications before the interview (a.k.a. too early! My interviewers had such good suggestions on my app that I wasn’t able to act on! It was heartbreaking, especially when it showed when I got my decision letters on March 9.)[/ul]</p></li>
</ol>
<p>I haven’t read through the posts, but wanted to respond to OP’s questions. My C is a freshman day student at a private boarding/day school. C attended our public school K-8 and always disliked it. Classes slow-moving and boring, teachers’ time occupied with discipline problems and kids who struggle academically. Very uncool to be smart, and C wanted to fit in. C always excelled, but was becoming increasingly concerned about image at school. I was afraid C would not thrive in our public high school, where pulls to be cool are intense. Had already seen older child struggle with this at public high school.</p>
<p>To my great relief, C loves his new school (Concord Academy). It has been so wonderful and gratifying to see this - the great “transformation” that people describe for their kids in BS is happening already for our day student. All of the negative pulls in public school have been lifted off C’s shoulders, who is now free to be the high achieving, intellectual, engaged student that was trying to hide from the cool dudes in public school. So yes, yes, YES, the expense is worth it for this family. Few things in life have made me as happy as seeing my son love school for the first time.</p>
<p>What we did well during the app process: We did the best we could. Initially we knew little about private schools, and in a way that made it easier for us to do something I think is important: ignore the stereotypes you read online and visit each school with an open mind.</p>
<p>What we would do differently: I would be much more aggressive about getting middle school to get recommendations and records submitted on time. I was afraid of making a pushy nuisance of myself, but consequently, rec’s and records for several schools were submitted late. C was either waitlisted or denied at all of those. C would have chosen CA anyway, as it was 1st choice, but we learned that it probably is important for middle school to get materials in prior to deadline (we had been told it would not be held against student as long as student and family submitted their parts of the app on time)</p>
<p>Fantastic way to put it. We should all write those words on our wrist or shirt cuff or whatever it is we use as a reminder, not just for boarding schools but also for the next round, college.</p>
<p>For parents contemplating sending their bright, motivated students to boarding school, I present this excellent speech from Malcolm Gladwell about relative self-confidence (2013 Zeitgeist). My daughter graduated a top ten BS in May and now attends a top ten university–so I should be the poster mom cheerleader for BS-- and yet I have lingering (significant) doubts about whether she was well served. Teenage years are quite tender and I will always wonder if my D, whose confidence was rocked in the hyper competitive and outrageously talented environment at a top BS, would have been better off spending four years being a top student at the local private school, in terms of her long term mental health and confidence. Think long and hard of the tradeoffs.</p>
It was heartbreaking, especially when it showed when I got my decision letters on March 9.)[/ul]</p></li>