<p>Last year my daughter was lucky to get into a popular and competitive college. Although she worked hard in high school and had some unique ECs and community service, she does not come across as a super student. Her personality is low-key and cheerful and many folks mistake her for the Legally-Blonde type. We had good friends, parents and students, make remarks such as her high school was easy, her teachers must have favored her, she chose an easy major (not true, it is very competitive) or she somehow slipped through.</p>
<p>We ignored the remarks,thinking they were just the result of hurt feelings or jealousy. Now, they are starting up again! The parents of kids who are applying to her school are saying the same types of things when their kids get rejected.</p>
<p>I guess what hurts the most is that some of these people are old friends and we have never put their kids down nor bragged about ours.Should I continue to ignore the hurtful comments or start pointing out that not only did my daughter get admitted to that college but she is getting A's there!</p>
<p>I guess I would try to find a way to slip in (in a non-defensive way) a remark if it has happened more than a couple of times. Something like, "I know it may not seem like it, because she is so easy going, but she is sharper than most people realize," or "actually she worked really hard in high school, harder than most people realize" . . . or something like that.</p>
<p>I'm sure someone here can come up with a good response that won't alienate people.</p>
<p>As Sergeant Friday used to say, "Just the facts, m'am." You've got the facts..your daughter is getting A's. Load up the shotgun with these facts, and "blam!" . And you can do it so gingerly... "How is Margo enjoying her senior year in high school" or "her freshman year at Bogaloosa U.?" That's great.. "And" your daughter "is really enjoying" Top Notch U "which is showing up in her grades" Blam! Go for it!</p>
<p>I'm with Lonestar. Identify the offenders and head 'em off a the pass with a "Golly Gee! We cannot believe D topped her Prestige College class in such and such a subject! Isn't it wonderful?"</p>
<p>Then let it go. There is a tiny bit of luck getting into those tippy top colleges. Let them be jealous.</p>
<p>These kinds of things are really upsetting. My mother-in-law, a lovely person, was convinced one of her blonde, beautiful grand daughters was not very bright, but did well at school only because she worked so hard. She did work hard but was placed in a gifted math program and also did well in a IB high school. She is now in an honors program at her state u, acing that too. Her grandmother has passed on, but I'm quite sure she would still be saying that GD only did so well because she worked so hard. It infuriated me and I tried many times to say that kids don't get into gifted programs unless they're bright, but it fell on deaf ears. Again, my MIL was a nice person; I never could understand this blind spot about her GD.</p>
<p>The type of comments mstee mentions are maybe the best you can do, but maybe these friends are not people you want to spend much time with. They do sound jealous of your daughter's accomplishments.</p>
<p>Didn't their mothers teach them you don't feel better about yourself by putting othersdown...it is sad they have not learned to rejoice in the good things that happen to other people.</p>
<p>It is interesting that you use the word "lucky," Caligali. Maybe you, too think it was a little surprising that she got in. Or maybe you're being too modest. Sometimes excess modesty encourages others to be deprecating.</p>
<p>I have never thought that teacher recommendations made much difference in college admissions. And competitive colleges tend to know which high schools are "easy." As far as I can tell, the only way for a student to "slip through" and get into a college she might not quite deserve academically is either the athletic route or the legacy route. </p>
<p>It sounds like the other parents are reaching to find excuses that their darlings didn't get admitted. Of course if your daughter is pretty and blonde, it may be that these folks assumed she wasn't brilliant. It still surprises me that they would think those thoughts out loud to you.</p>
<p>CaliGal: Whatever you do, don't sink to their level, stay above the fray, but have a few pre-determined "innocent" responses which may allow them to later realise htey have been put in their places!</p>
<p>some parents are so insane. I have dealt with a lot of this type of behavior through high school with some local parents. I attend a magnet school that is outside of my school district and very few kids from my middle school are allowed to attend each year. Almost immediately after I and several other students got in, various parents started asking really invasive questions about test scores, extracurriculars, etc. I was asked many times why I got into the school while another kid with higher test scores didn't. Then, the same parents asking the questions started to tell us things like, "oh, well school x seems to accept a lot of socially awkward kids," or other such things.</p>
<p>Then, the same parents keep approaching me and my family members and interrogate us about my college plans, activities, and test scores. One mother who was denied information about my SATs from my mom tried to get the info off my 10 year old sister. I know that they are going home and comparing me with their own child, trying to prove that I am still worse. The list basically goes on.</p>
<p>My advice would be to take the idiotic comments in stride and try to find some amusement in the ignorance and rudeness of these people. They have absolutely no right to judge your child, especially to your face, but just take pride in the fact that you know your daughter is awesome and that you are the more mature party involved in the conversation. It is just not worth picking fights with these people.</p>
<p>I'm with somemom. Kill them with kindness. "Oh <em>thanks</em> for asking about caligaligirl. Of course, knowing her as we do, we don't think there was any luck involved! Go Badgers!" Needless to say, the rules of etiquette dictate that that all this must be said with a lovely smile on one's face.</p>
<p>I tend to go with the flow in these situations.
" These schools are getting ridiculously difficult to get into, aren't they? My D feels really lucky to have gotten in. She knows so many equally qualified people who weren't so lucky. She feels really fortunate!" </p>
<p>C. I'm for shocking them into silence. I do NOT agree with firing back pure comments, because that just positions you at their level, and besides they won't "get it" anyway. I also do NOT agree with just letting it slide, because then you'll be irritated with yourself, and worse you will have no emotional outlet to get rid of the poison. </p>
<p>Have a riotous amount of fun with it instead. Tell them thank goodness she's blonde and pretty; she's getting all A's in college because thankfully her professors are all single gentlemen with private residences and fully furnished bedrooms including all the latest toys. Tell them she pays a model double to take her finals; she pays for stolen test answers, etc., which is a godsend because it leaves room for her very active social life. Oh and goodness the price of bribing college admissions officers has gotten so high it's a good thing she got in last year when the required bribery amounts were affordable.(Say these things with a straight face, be very matter-of-fact, almost bored sounding. Then, sigh, toss your hair, and ask what's the weather like for the weekend - anyone know?) They'll be shocked speechless and will have no clue what to do or say next. </p>
<p>If you're not comfortable with that option, consider smiling politely and saying nothing. Remain completely silent. Then excuse yourself to go to the bathroom, go talk to someone else, or do something else.</p>
LTS, "you so bad". LOL. OP, You have to remember - to pull this silent thing off, before you turn on your heel, a slow glance down to their shoes and back up their body, and a wry smile at the end when your eyes meet. Then the turn. It's like the cherry on top of the sundae.</p>
<p>Ignore the tone. Say, "Well we are just so proud of her. Did you know she made the Dean's list her first semester? Oh... where is your child going again?"</p>
<p>Just ignore the a**hole parents. you and your daughter should both keep your head up and go on with your lives. Just be thankful you're not insane like your daughter's detractors who believe their kids have the right to attend any institution of higher learning they please regardless of the decision each individual institution makes.</p>