<p>I'm a sophomore, male, at a small but very "upper class" LAC. Most of the students are extremely wealthy and many are snobby, completely the opposite of "down to earth." I had a great freshman year and summer. I've never been a very social person but I've always had a few friends and even people I don't hang out with have liked me. I've never been disliked by anyone. But then the college term started in September and I had to go back to college on the other side of the country and something happened. </p>
<p>I'm taking a significantly more difficult and stressful load of courses as well as participating in extracurricular activities. But here's where it started going downhill. I've been really stressed. So for the first month of the term, I completely stopped working out and I started binge eating. I didn't gain any weight for the first month but then my binges got crazy. 7000-8000 calories a day until I almost felt like puking. That's when the weight gain started so I started working out again and lost it all quickly. I now have a crazy eating cycle which involves eating very little for stretches of five days while working out a lot and then eating very unhealthy for two days and then repeating the cycle. Although I'm in my BMI range, my well toned body is completely gone and apart from my clothing, I look horrible. That's the first sign.</p>
<p>The second sign is because of the stress and poor eating, I've I've not been hanging out with anyone and even when I make commitments, I back out. I've becoming strangely paranoid and feel all my peers are just using me. I really don't care about anyone anymore since I feel no one ever cared for me in the first place. This has caused me to become distanced from my friends to the point where we are no longer intimate. All I feel like doing in my free time is watching TV by myself.</p>
<p>The third sign is I'm getting even worse with girls. I've never been good at determining when a girl shows interest and I was so paranoid about my looks last year that I built a really good and muscled body. But I didn't know how to talk so I never got anywhere and that partially contributed to me just quitting my gym workouts and eating unhealthy. Now I have no desire in girls whatsoever and look horrible. </p>
<p>Finally, I haven't been doing as well in my classes as I could be. I am barely scraping A's and am on the borderline between A's and A-'s. I've also lost all confidence. I'm in a combined BS/MD premed program so grades are really important. </p>
<p>The only thing that is going well is my extracurricular activities and research since I am good at networking with professionals.</p>
<p>Basically, I see myself detaching from the social world completely. I care about others in that I do a lot of community service. I also care a lot in making good impressions professionally. I am kind to upperclassmen who look out for me and help me. But I absolutely don't give a **** about my fellow sophomore peers as well as freshmen who I feel just leech off of me. I even feel they are just jealous of me. Today for example someone saw my research connection for the winter break, started asking me about it, and acted as if it was unfair that I had gotten such an opportunity and that I didn't deserve it. I think it's because he does better than me in class and therefore thinks he should be getting these opportunities. See? There I'm at it again, being all paranoid and cynical. He had insulted me earlier and I took the opportunity to direct the same insult back at him as joke but he took it in a negative way and now refuses to talk to me. I don't understand. When people ask me for help on assignments who never help me, I turn them down. They then get mad at me and say I'm inconsiderate and I in turn tell them to go to office hours instead of waiting until the night before, which ****es them off more. I feel like I shouldn't be helping people who I definitely won't get help from in the future or can even rely on. </p>
<p>What's happening to me? I feel like I don't fit in and am missing home. The only people I like talking to are my parents and everyday I'm just counting the days until I get to fly back home. I'm not depressed. I just feel confused and bored with my life in college and just want it to be over so I can go to medical school where it really matters. Can I really make it through college this way and possibly my whole life without friends? I even had a counseling appointment which I blew off since I couldn't bring myself to talk to someone in person about this. I don't feel like telling my parents and worrying them.</p>
<p>Thanks.</p>