<p>baby talk... I'm the yo-yo when it comes to my D jerking the string. She alternates from constant eye rolls and the "Mom, you're so stupid" tone, to sidling up to me with a "Mom, I need a hug" request in a baby voice. When she comes home from work, I'll ask how her day went and she'll tell me I'm bugging her. Then she'll turn around and contribute to making dinner without being asked. It's tough wishing she'd hurry up and go back to school, and then regretting the thought 10 minutes later. Darn her!</p>
<p>My D is leaving one week today. She is trying to cram in as many activities with friends as possible before she leaves (first of her friends to go to school).</p>
<p>We've had two turbulent years living with a willful yet talented child. We are sending her off a year early with no regrets. She has mellowed a bit this summer and I think it has dawned on her that she is about to have the freedom she has begged for and it freaks her out.</p>
<p>I need to move on so I can save my energy for willful daughter #2 and energetic young son.</p>
<p>My "obnoxious" 18 year-old daughter has become so incredibly sweet, loving, and helpful; that what was "I can't wait til she goes" has become "I can't believe I am not going to be able to see that beautiful face everyday". She drove to work the other day so that she could have the car and then gave me a hug in the office lobby and wouldn't let go. I half wish she was still in a major push away mode [sigh].</p>
<p>My son is the phantom this summer: he comes home from his job, grabs a shower, gulps down some dinner, and is out the door to meet his friends. The few conversations I've been able to have with him are typically laden with his condescending tone. Then, at the most unexpected moments, he surprises me with an impromptu hug.</p>
<p>The mere suggestion that he might stay in one night to catch up on some rest isn't even considered..he says "I won't see my friends anymore after...." Clearly, he is clinging to his wonderful circle of friends, rather than to us. I know in my head this is healthy, but its not easy. With my older daughter having just moved out to her grad school apartment, this is getting tough to take. I'm planning to distract myself by cleaning closets!</p>
<p>{I wish kids had pop-ups that told us parents what was really going on. Like, "it may look and sound like I'm an 18-year-old lazy know-it-all who could care less about how hard you and dad are working to afford my unbecoming indolence, but REALLY I'm nervous about leaving my friends and making new ones."} (I don't know how to do the quote thing so I just cut and pasted from momof2inca)</p>
<p>This is so true! We are going for lunch today, so I hope to let him know why I have been so crabby lately and I hope he can open up about his nervousness and fears. </p>
<p>I need a pop-up too that says, "I love you so much, not only the little boy I remember, but the man that you are becoming. I'm just not ready to let go of that little boy yet. But, I know that you are ready to go, and ulitmately the only wish I have for you is to be happy."</p>
<p>
[quote]
I wish kids had pop-ups that told us parents what was really going on.
[/quote]
Brilliant idea. And momof2inca and ag54 have obviously come up with the potential best-sellers (at least for August and rising freshmen).
[quote]
Teen pop-up: "it may look and sound like I'm an 18-year-old lazy know-it-all who could care less about how hard you and dad are working to afford my unbecoming indolence, but REALLY I'm nervous about leaving my friends and making new ones
[/quote]
[quote]
Parent pop-up: "I love you so much, not only the little boy I remember, but the man that you are becoming. I'm just not ready to let go of that little boy yet. But, I know that you are ready to go, and ulitmately the only wish I have for you is to be happy."
[/quote]
You two need to go into production straightaway - so you can make your fortune in the next two weeks.</p>
<p>This is a great thread...definitely what the parents forum is for... </p>
<p>what I can share is that I think some of this angst is due to how well we know our kids.....we know they will survive...but we also know we have had to help them survive, ie reminders, support etc.... so we have fears about what the future will hold for them.... along with our own fears that they will forget us...or just leave us behind as they move forward. They get to move into a new space...not us... </p>
<p>(My husband had a harder time with the absence of son #1... the lack of communication... the short email responses with no details... I finally appealed to my son to initiate calls or exchanges with his father cause his father's routine had a hole in it where son #1 was...my son's routine had a lot of new which is exciting, but dad was sad....kind of challenged him with a chance to build empathy skills.)</p>
<p>However, what is true is that we have 18 years of filling them with ties that bind......now they are creating their own ties that bind....ie with hs friends soon to be left behind.....with new college friends... </p>
<p>the biggest favor to ask of your child if they are not already proven, active communicators is to ask for a scheduled check in time...day... ie once a week, "let's set aside time to talk on Mondays at 4 or Wed at 7 or whatever might work"..... that way you have a remote date set up ahead of time.....that you can look forward to and collect tid-bits for that are upbeat, positive and interesting....and not have the conversation be about you missing them etc. </p>
<p>Just believe that life seen thru the eyes of an 18 yr old is diff than life seen thru the eyes of a 21 year old and life seen thru the eyes of a 27 year old. Given time and perspective, the attraction of "new" will wane some and the attraction of "known" will climb again....have faith and confidence in this.....and perhaps use this time to seek your own personal new challenge so that you can bring new things to the table too? Hope you had a wonderful lunch today with your son..... best wishes....</p>
<p>Wow, that was an emotional lunch. Started out pretty much arguing: me trying to convince him that he was going to like college, him being negative and coming up with all kinds of reasons that I was totally wrong. Eventually, I gave up and said that if he hated it he could always transfer. Well, then he argued against that. It became obvious that it was just going to be a battle. I started to tear up and say how I just wanted the lunch to be an opportunity for me to tell him how much I was going to miss him and how much I love him, and instead it was becoming a fight. We left the restaurant in silence. Eventually he broke down and said, "I just want you to hug me and tell me everything is going to be ok. I'm scared and I don't want to go." We both hugged tight, cried and started really talking. I pretty much repeated the things I had said throughout the lunch, although NOW he was listening. I told him that being a freshman in a dorm away at college is his next step and that he is ready, that his dad and me aren't going anywhere, home will always be here. I told him that it is hard to leave everything you know and love, but that it is the natural thing to do and that he will do fine. He is smart, funny, friendly, all those good things that he truly is. (He is also stubborn as heck and can be a pain in the bootie, but I didn't tell him that part) He finally said (basically), "You know Mom, I think the reason that I argue so much with you is because I trust your judgement and I want you to convince me of what you are saying so that I can turn around and pretend it was originally my idea." I said that is what he has been doing to me his entire life. He has always been challenging, but that is a big part of what I will miss. Anyway, he went off feeling much more positive and dare I say excited? I definitely went away feeling that we will always have a special bond. He is ready, he just doesn't know it yet. I will be here to argue or just talk, what ever he needs. I will always be his mom.</p>
<p>ag54</p>
<p>This is so dear! What a memorable time you had, one to cherish.</p>
<p>S1 and I had a talk somewhat like this last night at the dinner table, in which he admitted that though he has many and varied friendships, he is not the "life-of-the-party-type" who immediately draws a crowd . . . . so he feels a little nervous about the first few days. We were able to assure him that he does always make friends, deep friends, and that this will be even more likely now as everyone will be in the same boat! That seemed to help. He will also be in a culture very unlike the Southern rural one he has been in all his life and this is anxiety provoking, but growth of all sorts is why he chose to go NE and urban. I think kids just start to question all of their decisions as they stand on the nest-edge and the world looks like it is a long, long way down.</p>
<p>Ag54, so glad you had that experience with your S!</p>
<p>maineparent, re: scheduling a check-in time/day of week and "the attraction of the known will climb again..." You are very wise. Thank you for that good advice and perspective.</p>
<p>ag54 -- {{hugs}} you are a fantastic mom! And now you have me crying. Your son is very fortunate.</p>
<p>ag54 - congratulations...well done! You'll cherish this lunch date for a long time, and look back on it often...and more fondly each time.</p>
<p>Best wishes to you all....it will all work out fine, I'm sure.</p>
<p>ag54 - tears in my eyes.</p>
<p>Momof2inca thanks for the hugs. I need them, as I am sure you all do right now. Beachy and everyone else who responded, thank you so much for your best wishes. It is really nice in this cyberspace to feel good wishes from around the country. We really are all in "the same boat", aren't we.</p>
<p>I've been lurking on this site for a few months and this is the first thread that has moved me to register.
DD leaves for her freshman year Labor Day weekend. She will be going 7 and a half hours from home. Everytime I read threads like this my eye faucets turn on all by themselves. It is great to be able to see so many other people going through the same things we are.
I wish I had found this site when she was beginning her college search.</p>
<p>ag54--wow. You are amazing. And here I am reading this thread thinking about those kids that act ornery right before they leave and wishing that were the case here--that they would wait until that last summer before college to act up. My D (16) is acting so awful today that I'm wishing she was going off to college next week instead of two years from now. Man, will I make it through till then? By the way, has anyone seen Jamimom lately? I miss her posts. I always feel better after reading her posts--Makes me feel I am not alone with my cantankerous brood. But, the good news is, the older boys (in college) have been relatively EASY to live with this summer, for the first time in a long time. I have, for the most part, enjoyed having them here--something I would not have said last year! They do grow up, eventually!</p>
<p>Boy, it's great to have friends to commiserate with! My youngest, my dd, leaves in two weeks (her Dad and I are driving her) about 15 hours away (GA to NYC). It's where she REALLY wants to be and we are thrilled! But the bitter sweet quality of these last few days is almost too much to bear. Last night, she had a few of her good friends over for a "good bye" time of laughter and playing cards. It was delightful having them here. Right now she is at her boyfriend's house helping him pack for college (he moves in tomorrow). They are very mature and level headed about their going to two schools very far away from each other, but my heart aches for what I know they are going through right now. I sometimes just wish this part...the saying "good bye" part was over already! I know we will soon be back to some type of normal (with no kids around...first time in 24-plus years!!), and I know she will be in THE school where she belongs....but.....</p>
<p>Again, it's good to have friends who understand.</p>
<p>Thanks</p>
<p>I too, like Naneth, have been lurking on these boards for a while now and felt this was a great time to start posting. DD leaves for school next week, and while she won't be real far, it's still taking a while to get used to the idea that I won't see her every day. I think it really hit me when I went in to say good night the other night. This is something I won't be able to do too much longer. I am so excited for the wonderful opportunities that lie ahead for her, and I think this will keep me going long after she leaves. It helps to know that other parents are going through the same feelings right now. Good luck to all.</p>
<p>Wow, this must be a powerful thread! I too have been lurking for a year and joined today!</p>
<p>Only child D and I have been very close and have been able to talk about everything, but she started avoiding the topic of college, about a week ago. She leaves in 2 weeks. One comment was, "Am I going to hear are you excited yet?" from everyone who knows she is going away. Today, I said that she will be leaving in exactly 2 weeks from today, and she replied, "I don't want to talk about it." She is going out with a friend tonight, has been VERY helpful around the house, etc., but is avoiding talking about her feelings. And she has been very sweet. I know she is feeling the pressure and fear of the unknown. Am planning on spa pedicures tomorrow for both of us, then hair on Wednesday, then a nice dinner, and hopefully, will be able to get her to open up.</p>
<p>Welcome to naneth, sweetcalmom and noexpectations! Glad you stepped out to say hello. </p>
<p>evitajr1, my S is also reluctant (i.e. refuses) to talk about his feelings about leaving. But unlike your D who is being sweet, he woke up in a horrible mood today and won't discuss why. Even when I gently asked if he was feeling the pressure, he snapped "What pressure?" I said, "about packing up and everything." He looked at me with disgust and said "No!" in a way that I haven't heard since he was 15. Sigh. It's so hard not to snap back. At this point, I'd rather have a phantom son like Donemom!</p>