<p>Thanks for the welcome. My D is alternating from being sweet and sort of clingy, to being grouchy and snappish also. At least when she is irritable, I can think "Is it time for her to go yet?", but most of the time, it makes me sad, even though I am immensely happy for her.</p>
<p>I don't know if I can keep reading these threads! My cheeks are soaking wet! Oy, it only reminds me of feelings I can't bear to think about, lol. It has not totally hit me yet but will in the coming weeks. </p>
<p>Ok, I have been through it once and I SURVIVED. Still....</p>
<p>Last year, oldest D went off to college and I had the mixed feelings of joy/excitement for her and sadness for myself in her leaving us and this stage of life in our house. The first couple weeks, it was tough to not have her here, though I knew she was as happy as can be. It was hard to go in her room. Hard to not have her at the dinner table. Hard to not be figuring all her games and events in our schedule. Hard to go grocery shopping and stop myself that I did not need to pick up that item for her as she was not here to eat it. Even her younger sister wrote a college application essay at the time about the affect of her sister leaving (which implied that it did not hit her til she left). But gradually, I did get used to her not living here and it did not affect me as emotionally on a regular basis. It became a new way of life. Thankfully, that D is one who likes to stay in touch and called every couple of days with updates about her life. </p>
<p>Now, second D is about to start freshman year (we leave to take her in two weeks). She is even going a year earlier than originally planned because she graduated high school a year early. She is actually still 16 1/2. I know I got through the last one leaving but this does feel even worse. First, it means NO kids will be in the "nest" and a major shift in life's situation. Second, she is the youngest and so it feels different or maybe it is harder to imagine the youngest one ready for this step to adulthood. Lastly, I can't fathom my child on her own, particularly in New York City (direct contrast to our rural town). Now, in both my kids' cases, they were not the sort who was nervous or not wanting to go. To the contrary, they could not wait to go. They are not worried. It is more MY problem. Ya know, for all these years, I knew their every move and where they were at all times. Once in college, I won't know just where they are or if they got home safely that night or anything like that, as it should be of course (independence!). I can't begin to imagine that in two weeks, my youngest kid won't have to check in with me about this or that or where she is going, or anything. Yes, she will have to stay in touch but it is more the kind of "touching base" calls, not the logistics of her life each day and no permission, etc. I can't even picture her managing not to lose this or that or stuff like that which seems to happen daily with her. I know she will be fine but it is hard to imagine she will be living on her own unsupervised. I know she is ready for college and it is me who is not. And I know they learn to manage when they HAVE to. But it is not like she has been around a city on her own like this. I think initially, it is gonna make me nervous each day just not knowing this or that like I am used to. I will manage and get used to it, I'm sure. I have barely let myself think about it but when I read these threads, they do me in! And then there is other stuff. Like, for instance, my kid is a performer (you can substitute most anything here for some other kid) and today she directed one musical, followed by performing tonight in another one. These are likely the last shows we will see her in in a very long time. Uh oh...I can't write more......I block this stuff out til I read these threads! </p>
<p>Anyway, unlike some of you guys, we are not quite in preparation mode. My youngest has been heavily involved ALL day and ALL night but to sleep here lately. She was working day and night. She will be until Sunday night. THEN, supposedly we are gonna start getting ready for college. Yikes, it is about to hit. Oldest child has been gone all summer until two weeks ago. She is working and I see her a little but not much either (though more than when she was not here). I guess I have a couple days with her after I take D2 to college. That will be nice. We have to leave on HER birthday, though, to take D2 down to NYC before the move in day the next day. So, I guess we have to celebrate her 19th birthday AND their both leaving for college the night before. I also just realized that D2's 17th birthday will be the first one I will have ever missed, yikes. Don't like that. The older one's birthday is always right around starting school so we still get to see her (though I guess this year we miss half of it to take the other D to college). Oh boy, I better stop now.....it is still two weeks to go. </p>
<p>Gotta revisit here for "support" in the first week of college for D2 (I'm used to it with D1, not as big a deal for me). And then I'm totally NOT used to NO KIDS! Help! Not worried about them (they ain't worried AT ALL) but about me! </p>
<p>Susan</p>
<p>When D left 4 years ago for freshman year perhaps the hardest thing was the absence of "knowing" as Soozievt has pointed out.Suddenly you don't know their schedules,you arent attending countless concerts,sports actitivites,etc; you don't know their friends,you aren't subject to their ups and downs on an hourly basis.You aren't involved in the school's activities,committees,etc.Involvement seems to reach a peak..with the applications,tours,decisions (auditions in our case)purchases,logisitics of moving in,graduation and its surrounding actitivities..and then.....they move in,they call with problems,you help over the phone,you plan for parents weekend,then..........practically nothing. Personally I found the second semester harder than the first.The first theres parent weekend,then thanksgiving,then winter break(long stretch usually).after they return for second semester..theres only spring break which is short and lots of times they don't come home they go elsewhere.The summer... when they may or may not return,and if they do it could be for a shorter time period.
Perhaps the oddest thing with D that occurred was how quiet it got here..shes a musician who practiced at home alot (flute) and we had gotten used to hearing her play for hours.Suddenly,it was just........quiet......
Now S is gearing up.Hes at the peak of activities,as a state officer in a service club,and a member of a varsity sports team.He still needs ferrying around,as the road test is still looming for end of September.I still need a calendar for his scheduling,and we just bought the file box and made folders to organize his college app stuff.Gave him his first rolling admit school deadline.
When he's gone (last kid) it'll be really quiet but at least I know what to expect this time.</p>
<p>Thank you all for your posts. My oldest S will be leaving on Monday. We say Good-bye on Tuesday. Everything written confirms that there is nothing wrong with our family, my deepest fear, with all the tension of the departure was that S would leave and never look back. All of your posts are so very reassuring that what is going on is completely normal. It has been up and down as many of you have described. Tension over nonrelevent issues. My anxiety about getting things done and S desire to hold onto to his summer.
S has spent his summer reading (Harry Potter-6 and a list of classics), on Facebook making new friends, working and seeing his friends. Now we are down to the final weekend, I am going to miss him so much, but I know in many ways his life is just beginning. So many goodtimes ahead.</p>
<p>momof2inca - Thank you, thank you, thank you for posting your experience with your S. Mine is virtually identical, and I was feeling very much out in left field among all these folks who are sharing sentimental hugs with their offspring. S' response to my (idiotic) query as to whether he was experiencing any nervousness was a two word "I'm FINE!" containing a full measure of disdain/annoyance and condescension.</p>
<p>I actually think he is fine, so will not bring up such a topic any further. There is just not going to be any cathartic leave-taking in jmmom's house, I believe. I think we can fall into that same pressure for "Leave It to Beaver" idyllic family picture that folks do at holiday time during this last couple of weeks, and it just doesn't work for a lot of us. </p>
<p>Planning a line-up of his favorite dinners in the remaining ten days, though. ;) Might as well send him off knowing what he'll be missing!</p>
<p>Some of these questions remind me of standing in line to get on a rollercoaster.....first time rider.....long wait, getting closer and your mom starts asking you if you think you are gonna throw up. Yup, that helps.</p>
<p>Hazmat--
Much needed comic relief among the tears. Thanks for making me laugh out loud.</p>
<p>Also, I appreciate momof2inca's post too--my son ISN"T TALKING at all but is moody, cranky, and silent. He's always been private, but this is ridiculous..... He's the 2nd of two to leave. One last year, now this. I feel like I'm getting the proverbial one-two punch. I'm being such a sap yet no one else around here seems to notice!</p>
<p>It is the most available to you. I always wonder how much the sale of premium chocolate ice cream rises in the weeks before colleges start??? Sorry you are so sad and that you are alone in this. Keep reminding yourself that you are just ahead of the curve.</p>
<p>hazmat - another fan of your post #47. Comic relief + kernel of essential truth = winning combination</p>
<p>jmmom -"I think we can fall into that same pressure for "Leave It to Beaver" idyllic family picture that folks do at holiday time during this last couple of weeks, and it just doesn't work for a lot of us."</p>
<p>I think you've hit on something important. For many of us, this leave-taking is a rite of passage. But it's a rather unscripted one. I envision it one way, H another and S yet another, and so there's conflict. And swirling around it all is "the ideal" that some of us have been imagining for a while now. My ideal doesn't include a suddenly sullen and crabby S who doesn't want to talk and doesn't want ANY help. (And it probably won't include the probable arguments between the three of us as we load, drive, unload, etc... next weekend...sigh). Therefore, my new goal is going to be to stop trying to make this event perfect and just see what happens. In fact, I'm throwing out all goals except one: deposit the kid at college on Move-in Day and get ONE hug goodbye. Somehow I think minimal expectations will serve me better this time around.
And, as Jamimom likes to point out, I've got to remember to love the kid I've got, grumpiness and all.</p>
<p>First of all, thanks for the warm welcome. With all this talk of moods and tension in the air as our kids get ready to leave the nest, I just thought I'd relay our experience with older D 8 years ago. For months there is so much anticipation and excitement, but when the time comes closer and the reality sets in, the picture changes. When we dropped our D off at her dream school (only l l/2 hours away), no sooner had we arrived back home to find a call from her asking if we thought we could get our money back from the school and she could just come back and live at home and attend the local college l0 minutes away. Of course, the answer was no, and to this day we have a good laugh over this one. She is now a successful professional and doing just great. Her 4 years at her dream school were the best years of her life so far. In other words, this too shall pass.</p>
<p>
[quote]
no sooner had we arrived back home to find a call from her asking if we thought we could get our money back from the school and she could just come back and live at home and attend the local college l0 minutes away.
[/quote]
Yes, from my friends I have heard that this is the next phase we can look forward to: the desperate calls home with problems. One wise friend told me that these calls work this way: DD(or DS) calls in thralls of crisis/tears/upset. Mom loses sleep for (at least) two nights worrying over how to handle/what to say. Mom finally calls D with her well-crafted words of wisdom and advice. DD can't even remember what the original call was about. :rolleyes:</p>
<p>and, momof2inca - I, too, am planning on ONE hug as we leave from Move-in Weekend. That, and the parade of favorite dinners this week is my new total expectation for this phase. And I <em>don't</em> expect any glowing commentary on my wonderful dinners, either.</p>
<p>jmmom - "And I <em>don't</em> expect any glowing commentary on my wonderful dinners, either.
"</p>
<p>Ha! Oh, thank you so much for making me laugh out loud! I needed that. You are too funny!! Glad we can be sisters-in-lower expectations together this week!</p>