<p>Hugs from another parent who has this situation with a child. We did not need PFLAG, and had no real issues accepting this fact about our child. But I have to say I do have some compassion and pity for your parents. They have allowed themselves to be boxed into a situation where their church teachings and their own narrow viewpoint have put their relationship with you at risk. It will take them a while to come out of it. In most families the mom is the easier one to convince. </p>
<p>Do find a PFLAG meeting if you can (I know this is hard if you aren’t driving yet, but maybe you can find someone to take you) and at least go pick up some literature. Give it to your mom (if you think she would be more accepting). Tell her that you wish she would contact them online or go to a meeting. </p>
<p>Then… if I were you I would just keep my head down on this issue and avoid the topic. It is only a couple years until you go to college. Work hard on your grades, test scores, and ECs so maybe you can get out of dodge to a more accepting environment for college. This isn’t going to “go away”, even if your parents hope it will. Time probably will soften their stance a bit. It is pretty clear that the “head on” approach you are trying isn’t making any progress, so I would avoid the topic (unless they bring it up). And… honestly, your s** life is not your parents business. Many teens lie to their parents about it. In this case, I would suggest you do the same if necessary. Sorry to have to give this advice, but it is the reality for now for you. Good luck, keep us informed…</p>
<p>I think this is the most relevant answer. I’m sorry your parents have decided not to support you and frankly, I don’t understand them. I want you to know that there are plenty of adults that DO support your coming out and who you are. But regardless of their emotional support–which they can change their mind on, on a dime, unless you declare yourself “emancipated” from them, their income will show up on your FAFSA.</p>
<p>That said, my own mother did not support me much when I went to school, simply because her income at the time did not allow her to. She was paying more than she had to on her mortgage and also had to make up for ten years lost into retirement, so paying about three times what she “had to” into retirement. College in my state does not cost much more now than it did then (it rose about with the minimum wage, percentage-wise) and other state colleges did as well. I think going to a great in-state college without parental support is always possible.</p>
<p>You face a tough decision. I know it might seem they will never change their minds, but they could. If you ask to be emancipated now, finishing high school could be quite a task in this economy. Are there any other adults you can speak to in your area?</p>
<p>Another tip–if you are hoping they will change their minds, when you talk with them don’t insist that it is impossible that you will change your mind–even if you think it really is impossible.</p>
<p>i think u should sit them down and explain to them ,since they are christian, that jesus loves everyone nomatter what and that i jesus accepts u ( which he does) then they should accept u 2. i have this same problem i am bi which my mom or anyone else in my family except for my 13 year old cousin cannot accept. i told them the same thing when i told them about me ( i was in 9th grade and im now a senior) and now the are slowly learning to accept that this is who i am and nothing is going to change that. i wish u luck and hope that ur parents can come around and realize they need to love and accept u nomatter what.:)</p>
This advice has been given a couple of times in this thread, and I’m sorry to say that I don’t think it would be very effective for very religious parents, who will simply reply that Jesus doesn’t accept sin. In my opinion, what is more likely to gradually cause them to accept this would be information that shows that homosexuality is innate, and is not a choice. They are not going to suddenly jettison their religious teachings.</p>
<p>Please make sure that you have your ducks otherwise in a row. Maintain excellent grades and continue on the path to making yourself the best college applicant you can be. Along with everything else, your parents need to know that you are doing what you should be doing to prepare for a successful future. I’m in the camp of people who thinks that things will eventually be fine with your parents, particularly when they see that you still have aspirations for your education and life. Don’t let the current situation cause you to make mistakes that will close doors to your future. At your age, it’s important to know who you are, but doing good things in school and elsewhere are very important, as well.</p>
<p>Speaking as a pastor, I counsel families on this same issue all the time. It is very difficult and emotional. Please give your parents time. They are trying to reconcile their love for you with the teachings of their church. Eventually, most of the parents I counsel come to the conclusion that, even if they don’t approve of homosexuality, they love their child and want to establish some sort of relationship. The worst thing you could do is to become combatitive, issue ultimatums (“accept my homosexuality or else”) or cut off communication. Give it time, let the shock wear off for your parents, show them that you are still the same kid they raised AND that your values are still intact. Many parents fear that being gay naturally means that you will be promiscous and that is simply not true. In fact, try not to get too serious with anyone in HS (advice I give to straight and gay teens). Have friends, but not lovers. There is plenty of time for that later.</p>
<p>You can only control yourself. Don’t waste anytime trying to change your parents (or anyone else) into something that you want them to be. If you want people to accept who you are, the first step is to accept who they are.</p>
<p>I’m the proud daughter of a gay father! He didn’t have a choice to come out in the 1960’s and I am so happy that the day has finally come when high schoolers can come out and be who they are. It just saddens me to no end that your parents cannot come to terms with their child being gay --this most certainly is not “a lifestyle” that anyone would willingly choose. If only people could realize that being gay is a difficult status in the world, family support is so crucial. </p>
<p>I would look into scholarships right now if I were you. Sounds like you have some time to get started on searching for ways to bring in more money for school. First of all, get GREAT GRADES! If you can get any merit scholarships, that’s one of the best ways to do it. Prep for your SAT’s and get as high a score as you can. Look into Gay and Straight Alliance (my daughter is a straight member and I am so PROUD that she is supportive of gay rights in the 10th grade!). Some GSA chapters have scholarships available. Also, Evergreen State University has scholarships for gay/lesbian applicants and there are other more liberal schools that also offer scholarships. Best to you!!!</p>
<p>Like all such disorders, it requires compassion, treatment, and perhaps, as Alvin Pouissant, Professor of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School suggests, medication. Since you won’t be able to provide treatment (or “deprogramming”) or medication for the disorder, you need to go overboard in the compassion department. It took your parents a long time to get this way, and they are likely in denial about their disorder.</p>
<p>It is likely curable, or at least symptoms can be alleviated, but it is going to take time, and it is more of a burden than you (or any teenager - gay, straight, or otherwise) should be expected to take on.</p>
<p>(And, YES! come to Evergreen! We’d love to have you here!)</p>
<p>I’m sure those of you speaking of sex mean well but that is not what being gay is about. It’s not what coming out is about. It speak of it in purely sexual terms (ie abstinence, etc.) is to belittle what the OP is going through. It’s okay to not understand something but you need to be aware that you do not. </p>
<p>Further, I think this little quirk we’ve got going where it’s worse to call out racism than be a racists or to call out homophobia than to be homophobic has got to stop. These parents are victimizing their daughter due to her homosexuality. That’s homophobic behavior. Good grief.</p>
<p>I understand that this poster may not want to use the word homophobic with her parents as they have a lot of control over her life and they are no doubt being wrongly reassured that their behavior is not homophobic. But let’s be clear about what is being done to the OP. She needs to know that it’s not okay, that she deserves unconditional love, that she is okay and should not be being treated like this.</p>
<p>Racism and homophobia are psychological illnesses? IMO, they’re caused by ignorance of either not being exposed or not being fully educated. </p>
<p>OP- I had this problem with my mother, but I was younger than you. She even moreso wanted us to attend church and told me what I was feeling was not real. Now, four years later, I do feel the same way. But we don’t speak of it. I chose to let the issue cool down, and it has. I’ll be going off to college come fall 2012, and with my newfound independence will come my choice of who I wish to date. You do not necessarily have to bring up your sexuality constantly, or like some people said, let your parents in on EVERY aspect of your life. Right now, I’m not sure if my mother suspects I still feel the same, but we coexist in a healthy manner. </p>
<p>I think your parents will be more accepting when you’re older. When we’re young, adults think we haven’t lived long enough to decide who we are and our beliefs (religious versus being non religious). </p>
<p>Hang in there and I wish you the best of luck! PM me if you ever need to!</p>
<p>Living in the south, coming from the north, I have found that many of the Southern Baptists that I have met are some of the most rigid people and judgmental. They can find any excuse for anything in the Bible and are very strict. They refuse to join the Local Food Bank (supported by all the churches of various denominations - Jewish, Catholic, Episcopal, Church of Christ, etc.) because they refuse to help anyone but their own. (True story - I was on the Finance Commission.) Many other examples to which I was witness. These parents may or may not come around, but lying to them will only solidify your sinfullness. Definitely no redemption then.</p>
<p>The question, mini, is not whether homophobia is a mental disorder but whether the child who needs the support (financial and otherwise) of her homophobic parents should call them homophobic to their face.</p>
<p>If I needed the help of a schizophrenic who was in denial about his mental condition, I would refrain from calling him a schizophrenic to his face.</p>
<p>I also agree this is not about sex, but I am pretty sure these parents would be less uncomfortable if OP didn’t share the details of her romantic interests with them.</p>
<p>I guess what many of us are saying in effect is that OP might want to strategically withdraw back into the closet for a few years. She has come out to them, deep down they know, but there is no reason to remind them too often. Sad. But perhaps the best option?</p>
<p>OP, so sorry you have to go through this. Our daughter came out her freshman year in college (she’s now a junior), and it was hard enough for her in a much more accepting environment than yours.</p>
<p>I would agree with the posters suggesting that you give them time, don’t talk about it much, but keep talking about other things. And when they seem calm, considering getting a copy of this movie and asking them to please watch it, with or without you:
[For</a> the Bible Tells Me So](<a href=“http://www.forthebibletellsmeso.org/indexa.htm]For”>For the Bible Tells Me So)</p>
<p>It’s a carefully made documentary about devout Christian families coming to terms-- or not coming to terms-- with having a gay child. It is not disrespectful to the Christian families and lets them express themselves honestly. It does take on Focus on the Family toward the end, but otherwise it might not seem very threatening to them.</p>
<p>I would suggest you watch it yourself first, and see what you think-- if it might reach them. We found it very powerful, but then again, we were already fully supportive of our daughter.</p>
<p>Another movie suggestion is “Prayers For Bobby”.
The first half is the struggle between the son (Bobby) and his devoutly religious mother. He does commit suicide, and the second half of the movie deals with the mothers quest to know if “her son will go to heaven”.
It’s based on a true story (aired on Lifetime) and it is really good!</p>
<p>I wonder if this is a classic ■■■■■ post designed to stir up controversy: one lone post by the OP and no responses after 3 pages – on a highly emotional topic.</p>
<p>The importance of recognizing that homophobia is a psychological disorder rather than a strongly held opinion is that you don’t argue someone out of a mental health problem. You treat the afflicted with compassion and respect, and try not to excite symptomatic behavior unless you are in a position to help them into treatment. </p>
<p>The Bible has strong condemnations of bankers, and those who mix wool and linen. Thankfully, gay unmarried Jesus brought forth a new dispensation.</p>