<p>Hi Folks, (I am a 35 year old male back in school)</p>
<p>Recently I was attending a 2 year junior college in the greater SF Bay area finishing up my 2 year AA degree which I will complete in a few weeks. I applied to UC Berkeley as a transfer student last October. In that time period, I lost my job as an IT Manager for a local school district because of the state budget. I found a job back in Washington DC and decided to move back east and crash with my mother for a bit until I could get on my feet. (My school costs have wiped out my savings) Keep in mind that my online courses at my junior college are still going on. </p>
<p>A friend called me (Who's address I am using back in CA) stating that I received a letter from UCB. I got the letter in FedEx and opened it. It stated that I have been admitted to UCB but I have been waitlisted until spring 2010. My dreams have come true for me as that is the number 1 reason I moved out to SF in the first place. </p>
<p>I told my father and sister about my news, they said it was awesome. My dad was proudly displaying the letter around the office where he works. My sister is a graduate of Duke in NC. She stated the same thing. Though she added that while "It's not Duke, but very close"
I showed my mom the letter, she stated, "Thats nice, why don't you go to school at UMD!" </p>
<p>I am really hard-up about this, while she is somewhat correct, she also never really did congratulate me on this great accomplishment. It left a really bad taste in my mouth.
I want to impress my mom, but at the same time, I need to do what is right for me. With the way the budget is in CA right now, it will be really difficult. But this is my dream. </p>
<p>I guess what I am asking is what can I do to convince my mom that this is an amazing opportunity?</p>
<p>Much appreciated in any guidance you can give me.</p>
<p>Why do you need to convince her that it is a great opportunity? </p>
<p>I would let her know that you are hurt by her lack of congratulations- that this has been a dream of yours for a long time and you have worked hard to achieve it. It would be nice for your mom to recognize all that. </p>
<p>Are you asking your mom for financial help? Why does she need to see Berkeley the way you do?</p>
<p>Anthony - whoa! You’re 35, you’ve been out of your mom’s daily life for some time, and all of a sudden, thanks to the unfortunate legacy of Bush Administration policies, you’re out of a job and back with your Mom full-time. Having you back has probably been one of the greatest experiences of her life. Of course she’d like you to stay in the area! I’m sure she knows that Berkeley and Maryland are qualitatively different experiences, so her only rationale could be to keep you near. I think the answer to your question is to reassure her that you’re going to stay as close as you have since last fall.</p>
<p>As for your sister, yes, it’s true that it’s not Duke but close. Duke is known and respected throughout the entire country. Berkeley is known and respected throughout the entire planet.</p>
<p>Anthony-
Sometimes our parents simply don’t hold the same value ot the college of our generation, and I think your Mom as an east coaster naturally just wants to have you closer.</p>
<p>Time will most likely make some difference, but just reassure her that she will still be part of your life–invite her to cali!!!</p>
<p>As for Berkeley vs Duke, I just had to comment on that: who says Berkeley isn’t as high in reputation as Duke??? Many people around the world have heard of Berkeley, and they haven’t heard of Duke. That is not to put it down, but Berkeley has a better int’l recognition. In Cali, I think they would both get a wow.</p>
<p>Congratulations. Some people, and they can be moms as well, always have suggestions with their comments. Don’t worry about it. Get your degree. By this time you should have your sights and priorities set as an adult.</p>
<p>I’m still wondering what the conundrum is. Is it whether to go to Berkeley, which requires moving back to the left coast, or stay where you are now and find a school in the DC area? Is it how to pay for school now that you are unemployed? Is it that some in your family congratulate you heartily, and some don’t? Or is it how to get money from your parents to pay for your schooling?</p>
<p>One more thought is your fees & residency…are you admitted to Berkeley as a CA resident? Have you already completed the SAR form? If not, and you have been spending months in MD, did you maintain your residency in CA? Paying OOS fees either place could be unattractive!</p>
<p>^^^ I assumed this was the OP’s conundrum - the in-state vs out-of-state thing - until I read the entire post. Although if he’s still using Cali as his mail address, is that also for purposes of maintaining Cali residency?</p>
<p>You’re 35. It’s time for you to define your own world and your own vision of success and not to rely on or expect your parents to agree with you. This is what it means to really be an adult.</p>
<p>For the record, when I was in my 40s, my mother still thought I should go to law school even though I had an Ivy undergrad degree, a doctorate, and was a college professor. She also wasn’t impressed by the college where I was teaching just she wasn’t impressed when I was a journalist with The Washington Post.</p>
<p>We can’t change our parents. We can live our lives happily and with contentment no matter what they think about our choices.</p>
<p>Using a CA address is fine, but he also will be asked about any time spent outside the state and what he did; if he says he worked in MD for months at a time, they may not consider him a resident</p>
<p>I have been a resident of CA since 2005. I moved from NYC in 2004 then got my DL. Plus I have payed taxes in CA including 2008. So I am a resident. I don’t have to worry abotu paying $14,000 for school I can lob off $9,000 of that and just pay instate. I also pay property taxes in CA as I own my own apartment, I was lucky that I found someone to rent it after I got layed off from my school dsitrict.</p>
<p>My Conundrum is my mother. She basically said why dont’ you got to UMD. I need to break it kindly to her that I am moving back to CA after less then a years absence.</p>
<p>You’re 35 years old. Your mother must be close to 60. Unless she’s in poor health physically or mentally, just tell her you appreciate her advice but you’re making your own decision. No 35 year old needs their mother’s permission unless she’s paying.</p>
<p>Do check the residency form you will need ot fill out and make sure you don’t erroneously make a mistake that costs you in tuition. Legal residency is different than for tuition, that being said, you can have an unusual circumstance and just present it accurately and maintain your residency.</p>