I had just been rejected from 5/7 UC’s (only got into UCSC and UCI). My mom was very devastated to hear that I had been rejected from UC Davis to the point where she’s just lost motivation to really do much. I told her that a rejection is a rejection and it can’t be helped.
I’ll admit that I foolishly had picked Computer Science and Engineering for most of my colleges, thinking that it wouldn’t be too hard to get into with my grades and classes. I had a 4.24 gpa, 1310 SAT, 28 ACT, and a lot of advanced math and computer science classes already taken, especially AP Computer Science Principles. I underestimated CS&E so I got rejected. I was having an ongoing battle between whether I wanted to choose Business or CS as my majors, but I ended up choosing CS.
But, anyways, a rejection is still a rejection. UC Davis wasn’t my top choice. UC Berkeley was and I am planning on appealing or transferring into UCB. My mom tells me, everyday, almost nagging at me, to write an appeal to Davis. I am probably going to do that just so my mom doesn’t get upset. I just want her to rest easy. But I also want to tell her that it doesn’t matter if I go to UC Davis or UCI or UCB because I would be able to succeed in any of those three. My mom doesn’t think UCI is going to be a good fit for me because it’s in SoCal and she would be far away from me. She also thinks that UCB is just too smart for me and thinks UC Davis is just right. I’ve been trying to tell her that I’ll appeal to Davis just for her sanity, but in the end, I probably won’t want to go there. I promised her that I will work hard in whatever college I go to, states or UC, and that I will become successful for her sake. She still doesn’t believe anything good will come out of UCI or UCSC or any states. She thinks they are low tier and Berkeley is too high tier. She also has a lot of her friends’ children go to Davis and keeps saying how happy they are. I tell her that each college is different for each person and I will be more happy at UCB than at UCD. Nothing seems to be working and she just keeps on nagging and yelling at me, while also having restless nights with tears.
I’m so sorry that your mother is overly invested in the process. You are exactly right- you’ll do just fine wherever you go! Congrats on having such a mature approach.
Hopefully someone more familiar with the UC system can chime in. I got the sense that most UC schools have too many applicants anyway, so would an appeal even be successful? Perhaps for peace of (her) mind, you could file the appeal, knowing it likely wouldn’t be successful.
You can appeal if you want. Honestly, you aren’t getting into either of them on appeal, anyway, But in the end, you need to pick from the acceptances you have and do your best there. Don’t worry about transferring, just go succeed at a school that accepted you.
Unless there was some procedural issue (your GC didn’t send materials on time or the like) there is no appealing. Imagine if all the HSers who were not accepted appealed to the colleges. It would be ridiculous.
Have you gotten into any schools you have applied to?
If not, you can go the awesome Cali CC to UC/CalState way.
Your mother seems to think that where you get in is a reflection on her…is she narcissistic in otherways as well?
Take a breath. You will be great. No matter where you go, you can shine.
Don’t worry about the “prestige”. Worry about what fits YOU.
Sorry to hear that your mother is putting so much pressure on you. You’ve given me a new perspective, and I strive not to to do that my children. It’s not fair for her to try and live vicariously through you.
If she is losing any type of motivation in life, and isn’t able to function properly after “YOU” were rejected, she may need some psychological help… You are handling this very maturely, and you seem to understand that rejections happen to great students.
You will be fine no matter where you go. You have great stats. Good luck and I hope your mother comes around and sees that you’ll be ok!
As others have mentioned, you need to have actual grounds for an appeal, usually mistakes others made (someone else’s transcripts or test scores got sent) or they forgot you were a $10-million donor. Emotional arguments or asking for reconsideration with no basis will not fly.
You got in to two really good and solid schools, and for computer science, no less. THAT is an accomplishment to be celebrated and congratulated.
Ask your GC to call or email your mother and explain both of these points to her.
OP, you’ve done everything right – applying to a decent number of schools with varying levels of selectivity, taking a lot of math and CS work in HS so you are not blindsided by the amount of work it will take once you get to college, having a positive attitude towards the schools that accepted you, and I’m assuming that you are instate, so these schools are relatively affordable. CS is a hard admit in California.
You have won the game!
Mom needs to start disengaging – she has launched a young adult whose head is screwed on straight and is prepared to make the most of the opportunities presented. That’s plenty to be proud of. It’s hard for parents to let go, esp once the college acceptances come in and the reality that you are leaving becomes unavoidable. Her grief may have more to do with the fact you’re leaving the nest vs. where you were accepted. I had my share of tears, both happy and sad, as my sons headed off to college. But in the long run, this is a GOOD thing, for you and for her.
It must be a tremendous amount of pressure on you.
Look your mom in the eye, plant a gentle kiss on her forehead, and let her know that some really great, really smart and highly motivated and driven kids attend the “other” UCs as well.
Let her know you are one of those kids, going on to a great campus to be with a community of students who fly just out of sight of view of everyone looking elsewhere, but who are highly motivated, really wonderful human beings and impressive thinkers and students. (This has especially been my impression of kids I’ve met from UCSC.)
OP - Is this type of reaction typical of your mother? The reason that I ask is that my mother is emotionally immature. She reacts to situations more like an early teen rather than the 70±year-old woman that she now is. This has been the case since I was young and I can still remember managing news for her starting while I was an early teen.
I used to frustrate me to no end and I literally spent decades thinking that she would mature at some point. I now know that this will never happen and accept her as the loving but immature person that she is.
Maybe this is only the result of a college crazed parent but experience tells me it might not be.
My mother is somewhat always trying to be on top of everyone else, especially her co-workers and colleagues. I just wish she is more open to me going to a different college rather than UC Davis. Davis was heavily impacted this year and I even told her that some of my smartest friends couldn’t get in. She only goes off what her friends tell her about colleges instead of researching some of them. I will try to talk to her again soon.
Your mother is wrong to be behaving this way. I wouldn’t try to convince she is incorrect about what she believes – I would tell her how this is making you feel. Then, say you are happy with your choices, aren’t going to stop being her child (which is partly what this is about --closeness perceived as control) and aren’t going to be discussing it further. When she brings it up, say you asked to not talk about this, it’s all gonna be fine and when she keeps at it, leave the room.
Your mother is wrong to behave this way. here’s a (((hug)))).
You know, you should not feel that it is your job to make her feel better. It is what it is.
Maybe you can just jokingly tell her, "Well mom, it’s your own fault you didn’t have the $$$ to bribe a spot for me like Lori Loughlin. Which is a good thing coz maybe you’d get arrested by now. " Just spin a whole ridiculous scenario and turn it into a trivial thing.
Good luck, keep your positive attitude and you will do very well in life.
Your mom can fuss all she wants. The admissions committee isn’t going to listen. Start making plans for one of the schools you got into. Be sure to accept and deposit by the cutoff date.
If she is really insistent, go through the appeal motions at UC Davis. (But you might ask your GC to engage at that point to try to talk her out if it)
My mom just said she isn’t going to help me anymore in life and that she is super disappointed in me and thinks I’m somewhat of a failure for not getting into what she thinks is the best college. She believes that people who come out of ucsc or uci can’t find jobs which is ridiculous but I can’t change her mind. I just wish I could do something but it seems like I can’t. She is way too overbearing and it’s really not helping.