<p>My S so far is primarily interested in sciences as well & should be able to find a grad school that will be funded via fellowship or TA. If he's particularly brilliant & inspiring, he may convince his auntie to fund him (or we may be able to dredge some money up). We support our S in his decision & believe it was the right one for him. None of us (including our extended family) have any real regrets.</p>
<p>Pay for grad school????? You must be kidding!!!! ;)</p>
<p>tough topic. D is a freshman at a top 20 school, non Ivy. Could of gone to State U for about 1/3 the costs and 3 hours from home instead of 13. We said we were willing to fund most, with the student contributing about 30k over 4 years from loans and cash. Parent share is still 90-100k. Had a strong discussion when making the decision about how she will need to sacrifice to go to a top 20 school. 40 hours a week in summer job, some work during school, no car, no spring breaks (if she has 2k to go to mexico, she can put it toward tuition). D said she agreed 100%.</p>
<p>So 3 months into school, and major arguments about not being able to go on a christmas ski trip with friends, wanting a 350$ winter jacket and working too hard compared to friends at State U. Also has already rented an apartment for next year which will cost 2k more than dorm. Told her that will be out of her pocket. She went nuts.</p>
<p>I am a firm believer that college should be great fun, but a bit rough. Not the best clothes, not the best car, not the best travel. Being on your own I remember being quite a reward. I am shocked by how many parents compeletely disagree with me.</p>
<p>Have a friend whose D goes to State U, called 1 week into school, said her Dorm was dirty and ugly. parents drove up and moved her as a freshman into a apartment after 1 week. Still amazed by it.</p>
<p>So far, our S has not asked us to buy much but is happy when we send him little things, like rubber zoris, snacks, the mini-multi-tool he forgot, etc. He didn't complain about his dorm (other than that the food "isn't great"). The dorm furnishings & room were worn but definitely servicable.</p>
<p>S hasn't asked for money to travel with friends, buy any clothing or anything else. Hasn't mentioned where he'd like to live next year, tho he is guaranteed 2 years of housing with the U (will probably look over the options during winter break to turn in his form then).</p>
<p>I agree that college should be fun but a time to learn to make do & economize rather than getting everything new & best.</p>
<p>Wow, I sympathize with you 66472. That is a very rough start indeed. </p>
<p>Sometimes there is just so much peer pressure - especially if a kid goes to schools with very wealthy kids. </p>
<p>Yikes. Brace yourself for Spring Break! She will be the ONLY one not going to _______________ (fill in the blank with very expensive tropical resort). Of course that won't be true, but it might look that way to her.</p>
<p>Fortunately my son has a REALLY broke roommate, but he is already worried about his summer earnings lasting. Doesn't matter to me one bit. He can get a job on campus if he needs pizza money. The well is DRY.</p>
<p>Stand firm, 66472, it will make your daughter a more resourceful, balanced, compassionate person. My d is in NYC and cooking for herself, shopping at the farmer's market and the campus co-op, babysitting and bartending on weekends, shopping at resale stores, etc. A little financial pressure is a good thing for a young adult. We're paying her way but she's responsible for pocket money and has to make it last all year. Although there are lots of wealthy kids on campus, she's got lots of frugal friends and has not been asking for anything extra.</p>
<p>One friend's s spent his whole summer savings in his first month on pizza, partying, and a flat screen tv. $42 left come October. His mom read him the riot act and he returned the tv.</p>
<p>^My kids wouldn't dare, because they know what they'd hear from me. My S is also much "poorer" than most people he goes to school with, but I don't think it ever occurs to him he should have what they have. Luckily, he comes from a grounded hometown, so if he comes home for spring break, his friends will be liable to be home, too. No Mexico trips around here. ANd both of my kids would choke at the idea of a $350 coat. </p>
<p>D is out on her own now, and a lifetime of frugality is standing her in good stead as she successfully supports herself on a very modest income (and saves, too.)</p>
<p>My S balks at buying (or any of buying on his behalf) anything at full price or at any price he considers inflated. Am glad we haven't had any squabbles about $$; can't imagine fighting about money would be pleasant as that has never happened in this household to date.</p>
<p>"I am a firm believer that college should be great fun, but a bit rough. Not the best clothes, not the best car, not the best travel. Being on your own I remember being quite a reward. I am shocked by how many parents compeletely disagree with me."</p>
<p>Wow, 66472, I agree completely with you here. I am also shocked at how many people disagree with me on this as well. I certainly don't want my D to be miserable (and she isn't!), but I think it's an essential thing for her to learn how to budget and EARN her way into adulthood. How do young adults ever learn to live within their means if they don't have to experience periods of pinching pennies and having to WAIT until they can afford the latest thing that's their heart's desire?</p>
<p>Stick to your guns with your daughter. She''l come around eventually, though it may take some time. I think you're handling it very well.</p>
<p>We told our kids last year (as 8th and 10th graders) that their financial aid awards will not include a car. Or flat screen TVs. Or exotic vacations. It does include paid work on their part (during the year and over the summers) for books and personal expenses. It will include some loans. </p>
<p>There is honor in eating mac and cheese and using milk crates as bookshelves! I remember how excited I was the first time I went out and bought clothes with my own money. I also recall the tears I shed over long-distance phone bills that were more than my checking account balance...but that's part of the lessons of college. Heck, we still have college-era furniture in our house...</p>
<p>I remember how proud I was to be able to buy a servicable used bike for $20--used it for all my college years & then re-sold it for the same $20 when I was done. Did the same at grad school. My brother got similar transportation as an undergrad.<br>
My dad had me buy my brother a new car with dad's money for his intership & residency. I bought the most basic Honda Civic you can get (vinyl interior--NO carpet, no A/C, absolutely NO frills). He used it & then sold it years later for about the same price I had purchased the car for when it was new!
I also proudly remember how I bought an inexpensive door to prop up & serve as my desk in my apartment. It worked great!
It is empowering & challenging to know how to make do with minimal assets. Being comfortable with lots of money is easy--being cozy on a very tight budget is a very useful skill.</p>
<p>"D said she agreed 100%."</p>
<p>I guess we need to get it in writing. :(</p>