<p>km5: Sometimes they just don't list colleges, because no one has asked I guess. It wasn't that long ago that not a single SUNY school was listed!</p>
<p>Your situation sounds like your son is maybe overly focused on simply being in NYC. If it were me, I'd try to get him more focused on how his education will affect his future, and assure him that he can always move to NYC once he's on his own. (How will he afford to live there with a social science degree, anyway? ;) )</p>
<p>"There are a lot of posts that are about limiting how much a family will pay for college. There aren't a lot of posts about parents willing to pay up for some schools but not others....My kid's favorite schools are schools he has never visited in cities he has spent very little if any time in. And I'm supposed to pay for this?"</p>
<p>Many of the earlier responses haven't answered the OP's issue. </p>
<p>There are many people who put geographic limitations on kids -- not because of any cost issues, they just don't want them to go far away. Others put religious limitations on kids...such as you can't go to a Catholic school or you must go to a fundamentalist school. There are possibly other reasons why a parent would not want to pay if a child attends a specific school (parent's former lover went there - so the school brings up bad vibes, child's boyfriend...who parent hates...is there, school is arch rival of parent's alma mater.....) Ultimately, the decision to limit your child's choices are personal - parents could argue on both sides of any of these reasons (and both sides of most of the reasons have been argued on CC!)</p>
<p>Lots of kids apply to schools they haven't seen, and then visit if they get accepted. While not the method most CC parents recommend....it works for some kids who don't have the time or inclination to visit lots of schools. A $50 to $75 application to a "dream" school (literally a dream school if the kid has never seen it) may be considered less expensive than a $400+ cross country visit to see if the school meets the dreamer's expectations. The cost/benefit analysis changes (the $400+ is more easily justified) once the kid has been accepted and the parents are looking at spending $45,000/year!</p>
<p>"There are many people who put geographic limitations on kids -- not because of any cost issues, they just don't want them to go far away."</p>
<p>This is true. I had a discussion with a parent who told me that she would not allow her children to go to a school that she could not drive easily to within the same day (no planes). She went on to say that she felt that were enough good schools within a 5 hour car drive, so it was just unnecessary to explore anything else. She wanted the peace of mind, knowing that if one of her children became ill, she could get there, without a hassle, and without great expense.</p>
<p>It's perfectly alright.</p>
<p>Assuming the parents do their research and put things in perspective.</p>
<p>I've known a few parents who gave their kids an ultimatum. "Get into an Ivy League, or you're going to community college." These parents weren't particularly educated about state schools or even universities in general... they just felt if they weren't able to pay for the best there was, they were paying as little as possible.</p>
<p>It's OK for parents to put whatever restrictions they want to on using their money to pay for their kids' college. </p>
<p>It's also OK for students to take out loans, join the military, do whatever they need to do to pay themselves to go to colleges that their parents refuse to pay for.</p>
<p>A few things. I have semi-seriously told my son that there was no way I would pay for him to go to Old Blue U because it was a hated rival of my alma mater. But as it happens it's a great school, and if he truly wanted to go there, I wouldn't stand in his way, provided of course that he never wore those ugly colors in my house.</p>
<p>But seriously, I think it is a parent's right, as purseholder, to veto schools. But it's also a parent's obligation actually to know those schools, and to apply that veto power rationally. In other words, there had better be a legitimate reason for the veto. (Something better than sports rivalries, to be sure.) What qualifies as legitimate is where it gets interesting. </p>
<p>Personally, I could not in good conscience send my son to a school that had a moral, religious or philosophical bent that I believed would set him on the wrong path or prevent him from getting a true liberal education, in the classical and not partisan sense of the term. </p>
<p>Cost is an obviously legitimate factor. Like most people, my financial wherewithal is not limitless, so I would not have a problem telling my son that if there were two schools of apparently equal quality and fit that he was considering, his slight preference for one that was significantly more expensive would likely have to be dishonored. In this respect I also have to consider that my second son is three years behind him, and I need to keep some powder dry for him, too. </p>
<p>Location is a tougher one. I readily concede that my personal preference is for my son to go to school somewhere that is reasonably accessible to home. But if there were no significant financial difference, I would have a tough time thinking that a more distant or inaccessible location was a legitimate basis actually to veto his choice. The truth is, there's not a school in the lower 48 that you can't get to in a day from where we live.</p>
<p>Finally, status. A poster above discussed the relative rankings of schools. I am not immune to the attraction of perception about the quality of a school. To some degree, perception is reality. But I tend to think this would almost always be an illegitimate basis for a veto. These rankings are in many respects ludicrous, but I am not going to argue that Southern Mississippi, by way of completely random example, is as good a University as Princeton. I have no doubt, however, that for some students -- even for some who could get in to Princeton -- Southern Miss is a better place for them to go to school, for many possible reasons. If the fit is better for a student at a lower ranked school, so be it. An admission counselor at one of the schools we visited told my son, upon reviewing his credentials and hearing the schools that he planned to apply to, that he could be applying to "better" schools. Well, we knew that. But the truth is, he and we selected the schools we visited pretty carefully. Yes, there are many higher ranked schools, of reasonably similar cost, that would admit him. We get their literature and applications in the mail literally every day. And we throw them away. They are not right for him. I hope any parent would bear that possibility in mind before vetoing a lower ranked school for that reason alone.</p>
<p>MilwDad - very intelligent post. Also would add, it's not fair to apply judgement retroactively. Your child should know before they apply whether or not you will veto. It's a power I would use judiciously. If you pick the school, what are you going to do if the kid hates it. All of the above said, we did tell our kids that we would not support them applying to the flagship state school in another state which is widely regarded as a mirror image of the flagship school in our state -- unless there was a very specific program there that was not available here.</p>
<p>My parents informed me, back in the day, that I could not look west of the Mississippi for college if I wanted their help funding it. I also know of a family where the father informed his children that because of an ugly divorce which occurred after his ex-wife became a fundamentalist Christian, he would not pay for his children to attend a fundamentalist college (nor any college if they planned on majoring in something religious). Judgemental? Yes. Within his rights? I think so.</p>
<p>It happens a lot that parents start making reneging noises about paying for schools that are not "worth it" in their minds. It is often difficult to actually feel paying that top dollar until the acceptance comes, and instead of the top reach schools, that a parent may have gladly scraped up the money for, the choices come down to some schools just as expensive but without the name appeal. If some less expensive alternatives are among the choices, those schools start looking pretty good. When the applications are being completed and all of this is new, it is a whole different story than when the chips are down and the check has to be written. I know a number of parents confronted with the Binghamton/Syracuse dilemma, and most do end up persuading their student to go the state route. Had the student been accepted to Brown or NYU, it may have been a different story. Ideally all of these things should be discussed from the onset. It is unfair to let the student go through the time, effort, considerations of schools, that the parents are not going to want to finance. If you are not willing to pay for a Syracuse or a Skidmore, then that should be upfront. It is unfortunate that most parents are not able to think ahead about these issues.</p>
<p>My parents (well... mainly my father, my mother knows nothing about the college admissions process nor does she care) have informed me that they will not pay (enough) for me to go to any of my safeties or matches if I don't get a decent amount of merit aid from them. I'm not getting any need based aid and my parents could afford to pay but they think it's not worth it especially since I'm probably going to end up being a teacher or something of that nature.</p>
<p>My father also will not pay for my education if I choose to major in psychology (which I want to), because he thinks it won't be useful and I won't be able to get a good job.</p>
<p>He also refuses to let me go to the state U (Rutgers) because it's in a bad area... not that I would even want to go there but still.</p>
<p>So basically I'm applying to a lot of safeties and am hoping that I will get a decent amount of merit aid from one I really like, because my parents don't want to pay full freight (or anything close) for me to go to any school other than an Ivy or school of similar rank.
Do I think this is a good strategy and would I do this to my own kids? Absolutely not, but that's my parents decision and if they don't want to make slight lifestyle changes for me to have a more enjoyable college experience then they are free to do that.</p>
<p>Unbelievable how many kids have mommy and daddy paying for college.</p>
<p>I'm heading off this weekend for UCI, my parents aint paying a dime of tuition or housing. I have a job as well as grants and loans in my own name... as such I get to say what gets paid for and what wont. So you better believe it's ok for parents to pick and choose what to pay for, if you don't like it pay for it yourself.</p>
<p>We had it simple , I guess. "Apply anywhere you want to . I have x dollars that I can spend a year including loans in my name. Anything above that you have to get in aid, scholarship , work study or loan."</p>
<p>It just so happened that my X corresponded with our Fafsa EFC (but it was merely a coincidence). Unfortunately for D her two uber selectives (Yale and Amherst) came in acceptance-wise but were the least generous FA by far (really by a surprisngly unattractive margin). But , I have to admit I cratered and told her that we'd find a way if she felt that either was essential to her plans. (It would have not been smart financially). They weren't ;) and she is as happy as I have ever seen (heard ) her. She is pleased as punch. </p>
<p>Just play it straight from the start. It ain't that hard. Really. They may surprise you with their maturity.</p>
<p>We have said NO to one school. Based on the fact that the tuition at this out of state public school is 4 times the cost of the public schools in our state. If he wants to attend a party school with 30,000 students I am not willing to spend 30,000 on a school that is such a poor fit. Even if the snowboarding is great.
I would be willing to spend that on a private school that is a good fit.</p>
<p>"I'm heading off this weekend for UCI, my parents aint paying a dime of tuition or housing. I have a job as well as grants and loans in my own name... as such I get to say what gets paid for and what wont. So you better believe it's ok for parents to pick and choose what to pay for, if you don't like it pay for it yourself."</p>
<p>Are you getting need based aid? Because no offense, but it's really easy for people to say that but then they're getting a bunch of financial aid so it's not like they're paying $45k themselves.<br>
But then again CA has a really great state school system so you don't even have to pay that.</p>
<p>"Just play it straight from the start. It ain't that hard. Really. They may surprise you with their maturity."</p>
<p>Uhhh, tried that. Why do you think I started this thread? :)</p>
<p>B/c of my parents, I don't have many options for what school I attend. It has to be an in-state public school. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing, it's just I'd like to have an option to go anywhere I'd like.</p>
<p>I know of a father who would only help fund his d's education if she majored in engineering (he's an engineer). She expressed interest in becoming a middle school teacher, not an engineer. Parents are recently divorced, so there may be other family issues involved in dad's attitude.</p>
<p>I have also heard of parents who refuse to fund their child's education, because the child doesn't want to attend the parent's alma mater.</p>
<p>A parent should not try to force a college decision on a child, but does has the right to decide how to spend his/her money. </p>
<p>I would not withhold funds unless I felt that a child was making a life-threatening college decision, or in the case of some of my useless nieces and nephews, feel that they are a total waste of humanity who will ultimately drop out or get kicked out of college.</p>
<p>My dad refuses to straight out pay for my tuition at UCLA because I refuse to live at home (about 20 miles away, but a lifetime on the freeways). He's got a system where he 'loans' me the money, since I don't qualify for any significant fin aid, as long as I maintain a certain GPA and give him quarterly reports about my education. You can always try 'lending' your college student the money and let them pay it back after graduating if you don't want to just 'give it away.' Of course, if you're satisfied that he/she has made the most of their educational opportunity, you can just call off the loan and call it a gift.</p>
<p>My son loves his safeties! (That's what we keep telling him to do, right?) I won't mind if he attends with generous merit aid, but for full freight I would prefer he attends a "better" school. Hasn't applied anywhere yet, so we shall see.</p>
<p>As NSTM says, it is the parents' money, so they certainly have the right to put whatever restrictions they want, however unreasonable, on how it is spent. But parent to parent, I will say that it is worth a premium to have one's child in a school he wants. You start off on the right foot, and I think it can have weight in the chances of getting through and being happy. If things don't work out, the decision was solely on the kid. That is not to say parents should not express their misgivings about certain colleges. Ideally all of the issues should be expressed up front, but since this whole experience can be one of learning for the parent as well as the student, this is not often possible.</p>
<p>The New School University, or Eugene Lang as it is often called, is a reputagle college. It may not be on CC, but it appears on many top 300 schools lists. It is particularly valuable as a NYC experience under a school umbrella especially if you can get into one of the dorms. Living in NYC is an education in itself. </p>
<p>Many times a school that a parent has found a dubious value has worked out well for the student. My friend has a son who was bound and determined to go to college in Boston. Did not get into BU, BC or Babson. Ended up at Suffolk much to his parent's dismay, who had many valid reasons why their son should go elsewhere. BUt he loved his Boston experience, did well at Suffolk, and is well esconced in Boston now at a good paying career type job. Could not have asked for better. I think that if you can afford the $$s, parents should be flexible in their kids ideas about where they want to go to school. It is their home for the next 4 years.</p>