Is it Too Late to Make Friends in This Stage in The Game?

Student Lounge College Life
1

They say, “College is the best 4 years of your life” well, for me it has been the worst years of my life!

Due to my past bad behaviors, I have lost ALL of my friends that I ever had. Even though I get good grades I am always angry and unhappy. (NOT in a violent way but I am very unsatisfied with myself. Plus, I am EXTREMELY insecure!)

I am an unemployed guy in my 20’s and have a really really bad reputation on campus. I am on the spectrum unfortunately and my nature got the better of me. I would interrupt and sperg out in class and people would laugh at me. I had poor time management and would not bathe well sometimes. Also, before I had my surgery I had terrible body odor and foot odor and would smell. (I took diagnosed penicillin for my foot fungus and my surgery for a while and now smell fine) To add insult to injury I stupidly thought growing a beard would be cool but I looked like and smelled like a homeless person lol.

I have shaved my beard and my infection has cleared. However, I am now a fat due to wasting my time on stupid video game projects. While I am not obese, I am still pretty damn fat! I have done calorie restriction and have eaten a more balanced diet, and have gotten a personal trainer. While not having lost any weight I have more energy and feel full and not hungry all the time. I will continue this diet for a while.

I regret ignoring my parents’ pleas to try to make friends. I would say stuff like “oh I am smarter than others” or “I have not found the right friends”

I regret not making friends as a freshman because now whenever I join a club, I am totally invisible.

I have no smart phone as well and cannot connect with others. I blew my money on stupid trinkets!

Is there any way to reverse this situation?

If not what do I do?

I have tried joining clubs but it is very hard to socialize at these clubs if you have not been there for years.

Should I just go to school but make friends at another university?

Since I WILL get a smartphone next fall, should I lie about my age and pretend to be a freshman? I am really short for a man i.e. most of the girls tower over me lol and I have a boy-face lol. (I know lying is wrong but sometimes it must be done.)

Should I go through with this just in order to make some acquaintances?

Thank you and I apologize for my past behaviors on this forum and for insulting others in the past.

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What is your status? Are you a college student/
i would not lie about being a freshman.

What I would do is use all the resources the college has. This is a rare time when you have free access to them. So see if your college has any Spectrum Support system. See if you can get a social mentor or something.
Go to the Counseling Center and talk to them about your problems. Maybe they have a group you can attend.

  1. Go to the Activities Fair and sign up for a bunch of clubs that are of interest. They may not all pan out, but don’t eliminate anything yet. If you are into music/D&D/running/church/whatever, you can find other people who are interested too. Service clubs are great because you spend time working together.

  2. Go to any dorm activities your RA has set up. If you are still having issues, talk to your RA. See if they have ideas. If not suggest that they have one. Maybe a movie and pizza?

  3. Join your dorm’s intramural (or any intramural) team.

  4. Talk to others in your classes…exchange numbers so that if either of you miss you can exchange notes… Ask what someone got on a homework question (that you did too)…once you get to know them, ask if they want to form a study group.

  5. Go to ongoing campus activities…concerts/movies/lectures/parties. Invite someone/group of people or just sign up and meet people for activities that might be off campus.

  6. Get an on campus job.

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good ideas. I feel stupid but what is an RA?

What are the risks of lying about my age?

I have no smart phone how do I play it off?

What do I do about my bad rep?

thx

4

Resident Assistant. If you live in a dorm, they help resolve conflicts or let you in if you forget your key.

You said you have a bad reputation. If you say you are a freshman and you are not taking freshman class or living in a freshman dorm, people will think you are a creepy upperclassman.

How do you communicate with people? Email? “My phone broke…can you email me?” Can you or your parents get you a cheap phone?

To change your reputation…like you said, wash your clothes, shower daily, shave, use deodorant, smell good.
Talk to teh spectrum support team at your college for more ideas.

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I tried clubs but have had sour experiences in the past. The people in clubs would take the activities WAAAY too seriously! Also, what makes me angry is the second people start dating they stop seeing all their friends. In sophomore year, I used to be friends with a man who suffered from depression. I would try to support him but the second he got a girlfriend, he stopped seeing all of his friends including me. (His girlfriend is one of the stupidest people I have ever met in my entire life! I once did a study session with her and she would just giggle non-stop and have slurred speech. I think she was legit on drugs!)

You are right that I should not lie about my age or I would look like a creep. I don’t need that. However since I wasted the opportunity to make friends as a freshman, it is now harder than ever. I am essentially competing against other people’s taken friends that they have known since freshman year. I am essentially invisible.

What do all you transfers do?

Should I join a church or something? I am not religious but should I use a church for social reasons?

I do NOT live on campus I commute, also, I do not have a spectrum therapist on campus. How can I get unanimous spectrum therapy sessions preferably online. I don’t need people on campus thinking im a kook lol. (which I am NOT).

Are their other ways to make friends outside of school? I am totally stuck. I guess I could go to bars/clubs but i would look like an idiot there since I have no one to bring and am not the most attractive fellow to put it lightly lol.

what do I do?

thank you for your time

6

Church may be a good option…see if they have a college program or young adult program.

Of course people in clubs take the activities seriously…that is why they are in the club.

Search on your college website for spectrum support…do you see anything?

7

Looking weird when people find out.

8

As a transfer commuter, I just met people in classes and clubs mostly. I’m better friends with the people I’ve met in classes, though I’ve been in the clubs longer. It just depends on the person and this stuff happens naturally. Joining clubs was my chosen way of making friends, but it hasn’t really worked out that way.

Sit next to someone new in class, or a group of people. Strike up a conversation or, if it’s an open conversation, join in. That’s what I did.

9

It’s never too late to make friends. Friends come and go at all stages of life. You have started taking an important step. That is cleaning up your physical appearance and hygeine. I am sure it was hard to admit these were problems affecting your social life. That’s a positive step. Continue to move in the positive direction with diet, exercise, attitude, friendliness, etc. Friends just might happen. Making friends isn’t discrete, it’s a process.

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Thank you for your advice guys however I have a really crappy reputation on campus I believe. Without looking like a creep is their a way to meet people in different college towns near me? (I go to UMD btw) I can’t transfer but I need a fresh start.
You know what I mean?

thx

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So are you a junior? Perhaps you can get more involved in your community - maybe volunteer at an animal shelter or at church. If you are interested in church, I second the idea of being involved in their young adults group.
Do you have a phone but it just isn’t a smart phone? If you don’t have a phone, you can get a simple pay as you go phone that doesn’t hook up to the internet but does allow calls and texts. Lying about your age is a bad idea.
I like you sense of humor and it sounds like you have figured out some of your problems and hopefully your future will be good.

12

UMD - are you in Duluth or Maryland? Both colleges are large enough so you can meet people who haven’t heard of your or your reputation.

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in my neighborhood it is just filled with old people :frowning: (I commute) but I’ll try the church idea.

14

i am in Maryland. But still are their other college towns near me? Catholic university college town, or maybe georgetown ect.?

I believe the grass is greener on the other side and I need a fresh start. :slight_smile:

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i can tell you it will be difficult to make friends on a different college campus in a suburb y area like that when you have no purpose for being there and the campuses are all separate. it is not like boston or other college cities where college parties and the like intermix. it would be a little drive to the DC schools so if you decide to go to other school’s parties, you’re gonna need to find out through other people if that kind of intermixing really happens. UMD is very large and other posters are right in that you should be able to find people that don’t know of your “reputation”. you sound like you are in your own head a lot and think other people notice more negative things about you than they probably do. youve gone a long way in taking care of your hygiene and that was likely the most noticeable turn off to people interacting with you. other posters are right- sit next to different people in classes. exchange numbers for homework help. see if there is a commuter lounge. it sounds like you very badly need ASD therapy, and UMD is large enough there should be resources on campus for you. it doesnt matter that you are a commuter, you’re paying tuition like everyone else and these resources are still for you. if you cannot get a spectrum therapist on campus, you should talk to your general practitioner and see if he can recommend an affordable therapist through his network and/or your health insurance.

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i’ll check the college resources but are their other ways to make friends outside of college? I still think their are greener pastures if not is their a way to change my appearence ie dye my hair a conservative color, change my eye color, and have a fake and boring new name (around students of course) despite my changes, i don’t want other students to know my past.

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