I've been academically suspended...help/advice?

Parents Forum
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<p>No, you future isn’t ruined - and you may be correct that college is not the place for you right now.</p>

<p>Some people are simply not ready for college straight out of high school. I know; I was one of those kids. I got academically dismissed at the end of my sophomore year. Eight years later, I went back to school, completed my last 66 credit hours with a 4.0 average (while working full time), and went on to a successful career and a satisfying life. I got a whole lot more out of college the second time around, because I had matured and had a reason for being there, other than it was just what my parents expected me to do.</p>

<p>My college professor father and my mother were very upset when I got dismissed from college; they got over it.</p>

<p>Your future isn’t ruined, but what you do with the time until you return to college, however long that might be, will play a big role in defining your future. The military turned out to be exactly the right place for me; I’m wouldn’t presume to suggest whether it might be or not for you.</p>

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<p>I had ADHD too but it mellowed out in the mid-20s to mid-30s making it easier for me to do well in college when I was older. You are fortunate in that you live in an age when there are so many electronic ways to help with time management and staying on task.</p>

<p>ADHD is not really an excuse - you may be able to get accommodations for it but that time is past for your current school.</p>

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<p>I teach at a community college where lots of students have many different situations. I always tell my students that one of the greatest things about being in America is that we give you multiple chances. Good luck.</p>

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<p>OP, here’s a ((hug)). I am a parent who had to hear this story from S1 last year, and my reaction was relief (okay, so I wasn’t imagining that he seemed unlike himself) and sadness (what a terrible burden to carry on his own) and fear (what do we do now?) I had very little anger.</p>

<p>Your parents reaction is , quite frankly, theirs to deal with. The charade has to end, and you can either control that, or not. </p>

<p>Sit down with them. Literally. Say “I have something really awful to tell you. I know you will be mad. I am so sorry. I am so unhappy. But I need your help now. I have lied about school. I am doing terribly. I am failing my classes. I think there is something wrong with me and I want to stop college until I know what it is. Tell me you will help me”</p>

<p>S1 will repay us for a portion of the year of school, once he has a job and is established as an adult. So not for years. He’s undergoing testing and therapy and is so much happier and better and that makes ME happier. Finishing school is something I hope happens for him, but if it doesn’t, well, I guess that just isn’t the path his life will take. </p>

<p>Want to add: my husband also experienced this as a student. So we have seen both sides. Your life is not, by any means, over. College is only one path of success in life and it isn’t on a timeline or treadmill.</p>

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<p>Once you ‘come clean’ about the situation with your parents you are going to feel a great sense of relief. Take a deep breath, steel yourself, tell them, and then get on with the business of dealing with your future.</p>

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<p>THANKS SO MUCH EVERYONE…I told them and they are angry/relieved…they also don’t want me going to the same college (because family and friends go there)…they want me going to a CC and transferring to another college…is that possible?</p>

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<p>Profound - i am so happy you told your parents. I’m sure you must feel a huge burden lifted from your shoulders. My niece had a very difficult time at her first college. She ended up going to a community college, pretending she never did the first one, and will be attempting to transfer for the fall.</p>

<p>One thing the adults can all tell you, none of us has had a clear shot path to success or adulthood. There are bumps along the way, things come along that sidetrack you, bad luck, bad decisions, etc. It’s all a part of growing up.</p>

<p>You can absolutely turn this around. I would take the time to reflect how it all went so wrong for you and deal with whatever that issue is.</p>

<p>Good luck!</p>

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<p>Definitely. You should start looking at Community Colleges immediately if you want to start in January. There is a lot of demand for CC courses due to the economy. There are often some hoops to jump through such as getting into a degree program or getting an adviser to approve course selections.</p>

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<p>caymandriver:</p>

<p>My post may have sounded somewhat harsh but I said what I did based on what the OP posted about not being open and honest with the parents and trying to keep this from them which potentially puts the parents on the hook for more cost if they’re paying for the college. I was being straight up in my post as the OP needed to be with the parents. I don’t see that it was harsh so much as straightforward. </p>

<p>I think the OP realizes this lack of openness and honesty wasn’t the right thing to do and fortunately has now informed the parents. Hopefully things will get back on track now.</p>

<p>OP - this isn’t the end of the world. You just need to figure out what the issues were that were causing the academic problems and correct them. It could be a lot of things including courses that were too difficult, too boring for you - i.e. you had no interest in, skipping classes, skipping doing the HW, no interest at all in being there, you were ill for a significant part of it, you play video games too much or spend too much time on FB/internet, etc. Once you figure it out you s/b able to correct it.</p>

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<p>Yea…I need to perk up,get a job,take some classes and wish, pray and hope someone will accept me after a semester…because I don’t want to be stuck at a CC forever</p>

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<p>wont colleges look at my record before CC? what will happen then?</p>

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<p>Sure it’s possible to transfer elsewhere after the CC, but I actually had some trouble understanding the idea that “friends/family go there” means to your parents that you can’t return to your first college someday with your head held high. </p>

<p>Obviously you’re in no position today to debate this with them, and I don’t recommend bringing it up today at all. At some future time, though, I wonder if you can’t revisit with them to discuss why it might be a more likely success if you’d resume where you started. </p>

<p>It could well be that I don’t understand their reasoning because of cultural difference.</p>

<p>For right now, the most important thing about your next moves is this: experience success in those simpler endeavors. Don’t worry about getting “stuck at a CC” - just ace those courses! Don’t worry which job you take next, just handle it with great skill, punctuality and loyalty. You are rebuilding.</p>

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<p>They will look at it in the context of what you achieve in CC. They will see that you were a student who struggled, but then figured out what you needed to do to be successful at college.</p>

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<p>In the mean time, read books of all kinds, find writings from your field of interest, keep up on current events, get in shape, make this time an awesome time to really make yourself attractive tomother schools and if it takes a bit longer, use your time wisely.</p>

<p>Also, not sure if you were away from home or not, but wither way, be extra responsible around the house.</p>

<p>And figure out what was your reason for not doing well, wS it study habits, partying, not being prepared for the classes and I mean from high school, where you interested or bored, was the schedule too hard, were to sleeping in, etc</p>

<p>And if it was video games, which seems to be an issue for many college kids, stop!!! If you were my kids, and gaming was part of the problem, seeing you play at home after all this would be very irksome.</p>

<p>If you want to get intomyour parents good graces again, dont slack off over holidays and relax. This is the time to start over. Get up early, help mom and dad and any siblings, walk the dogs, whatever, and again, do what you can to keep up on your major, like reading, checking out blogs and reports and such.</p>

<p>It’s amazing how cranky parents can suddenly become less so when we see our children step up after messing up.</p>

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<p>Ps no video games!! especially if that was part of the problem</p>

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<p>You should have some credits that will transfer over from your current
school.</p>

<p>Our daughter should graduate from CC this spring - she’s bright but didn’t
apply herself in high-school and she didn’t know what she wanted to do so
she went to CC and has discovered that she can do some hard stuff that she
didn’t think that she could do and she has picked up knowledge and skills
along the way.</p>

<p>The thing on transferring is that schools want to see that you’ve turned
things around and you’ll need at least a semester for that. Transfer deadlines
are often before the spring semester ends so you might have to apply for a
January transfer or stay at CC for two semesters. It wouldn’t be a terrible
thing if you could get an Associates degree at CC.</p>

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<p>The prodigal son.</p>

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<p>I cannot put in words how helpful you have been…god bless you all</p>

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<p>And the Op’s parents might not say it, but how they see activities of student while in CC will tell them a lot. Same old, troublesome behavior? New and improved? Student needs to be aware this CC is not only a second chance, it is also a test!</p>

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<p>Although the thread is winding down I just wanted to say that your life is not ruined. The absolute best thing to do is to spend some time figuring out what is important to you. What interests you. What makes you happy. What enables you to concentrate and focus. Once you find that you will know. The average age of a college student is not 18 or 19 or even 20. I predict you will be a very different person in a year or two than you are today. Tell your parents. It won’t be pleasant, but you will be able to move forward instead of being paralyzed like you are today.</p>

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<p>Now I have to tell family, siblings, etc and parents are starting to give sortof a cold shoulder …I feel it would have been easier just to say “I’m on probation” and go to a CC nearby…go back to my first school or “transfer” to a school near my parents</p>