<p>There comes a point in ones life where there seems to be a need for change. Spending hours on the football gridiron and hanging out with the same group of individuals can be a monotonous experience, luckily, my life was about to enter a new stage. Finding ones self singing the national anthem in front of upwards of 2000 of ones peers is a radical change from the occasional singing in the shower only months earlier. Whether it is fate, or an unfortunate, head on collision on the football field, I was inspired to join my high school chorus class at the beginning of junior year. This led to whole new world of friends, deeper cultural appreciation, and a closer connection to my family.
The music hallway, or wing, was a mysterious place for the early part of my high school career. It was full of eccentric, flamboyant people shoveling in and out, and I, being friends with only honors and AP kids, was naturally perplexed by these band and chorus geeks and was resistant to meeting them. A choice had to be made though; to graduate, a student required two art credits and since I was looking to a future beyond the bland colored walls of the high school, I decided to take a risk and join chorus, thinking it would be a quick and pain free way to earn the required credits.
Shockingly the transition was very immediate and profound. Not only did I discover a hidden talent for singing, but opened up a door to a whole new world of opportunities. I was able to break free of my strict scientific principles so that when I heard a beautiful melody played, it wasnt the proportional interaction of sound waves in a medium, but an expression of ones true self and values. Joining the chorus led me to participating in the musical, doing school plays, and community choirs which introduced me to so many wonderful and colorful people that you cant find in an AP chemistry class or a research program.
Being this new, better balanced person makes me want to return the favor to the world. I try to culture my parents by picking out operas and musicals that turn out to be wonderful bonding experiences. I am also much more open to meeting new people and accepting them for their individualities, instead of judging them by their faults. Discovering a hobby that one both loves and has a talent for is one of lifes most rewarding experiences. While my focus in college will be on the sciences, this singer and patron of the arts inside of me, hopefully, wont dissipate.</p>
<p>what prompt did you use?</p>
<p>It’s a bit boring to me, to be honest. There was not enough details to get me engaged in the story. It’s a bit too broad and needs to be more specific to make it a standout essay, which it isn’t right now.
You’re on the right track though. You mention bonding and friendship experiences. Why don’t you describe an interaction or two between you and one of your choir mates? Also, why don’t you describe that transition and your increased involvement in choir? You can talk about going to rehearsals, spending more time practicing the national anthem, or something on that note. Finally, the organization is not cohesive enough for me. I think you should try to talk about you, pre-choir, in the intro. In the second paragraph, you should talk about the discovery of choir. In the third and fourth, you should talk about interactions with people/the performance. And in the conclusion, you can talk about trying new things at X college.
I hope my advice helps (assuming the essay’s not due today, of course). If you don’t want to listen to me, you don’t have to.</p>