Landing Pad for Helicopter Parents--Safety Net or Spyglass?

<p>Being a financial dependent of someone else does not negate your right to privacy. I am horrified by the number of times this suggestion has been made here.</p>

<p>I think it’s pretty crappy for parents not to provide financial assistance to their child’s education provided that they have the means to do so and the child is a good student. JMO. I’ll never understand that mentality.</p>

<p>Costs have SKYROCKETED in the last 20 years. The whole “I worked my way through college” thing doesn’t fly anymore. In order to pay the COA at my public, in-state undergrad, you’d have to work full time year round at over $12/hour. Good luck with any of that. </p>

<p>My parents didn’t contribute to my college because they couldn’t. By senior year, I was making more than them (no, I wasn’t making a lot). They still gave me every possible cent they could spare to put towards my education. Receiving almost zero financial support from my parents and working full time through undergrad didn’t make me value my education anymore than anyone else, it just made me sad that I couldn’t do things a “normal” student could. </p>

<p>I am all for it. That said, my kid began college before age 18 and is in a state where “adult” age is 19. My kid can’t even buy cold/allergy OTC medicine while at school. </p>

<p>The college years are far from a full fledged adult so long as the colleges require parental financial info.</p>

<p>My 18-year-old is back home after a 5-month gap year program. He grew up a lot. I told him he is an adult now. He likes that, but it will be interesting the first time he asks me for 20 bucks and I say no. We told him we will pay for college, but if he decides not to go, he’s on his own. He got a deferment to one school, so he needs to figure out his plan by May 1.</p>

<p>If my parents wanted to know my grades, they could just ask. Heck, they could ask for me to show them on an official school page so they knew I wasn’t lying (not that I would). I think that the only parents that need this are the parents that know from a history of disobedience that their children aren’t going to go to class/do well.</p>

<p>As for the safety net portion of this, I feel like that should come from friendships between students and the acquaintanceship of parents and their children’s friends. My friends would go to my parents if I began acting in a way that wasn’t “me” or if I seemed to change suddenly, not as a way to tattle on me or anything, but out of concern. While they aren’t friends with my parents by any means, and they would always take my side over theirs in a normal situation, they understand that if something is truly wrong and they’re not equipped to handle it, that they need to alert my parents. And my parents know that my friends aren’t their friends to buddy up with or anything weird, but that they should listen if my best friend comes to them and says I’m not acting like me.</p>

<p>But maybe that’s just my situation. For me, this isn’t necessary, and is unwelcome snooping.</p>

<p>For us this was neither safety net nor spyglass. Geez, it’s just a webpage. My first kid to go to college opted me in and made me a password without giving privacy a thought. The other gave me the password when there was some paperwork thing that was hard to find and just asked me to go in and deal with it. Of course, we are not a big privacy bunch. No one ever really had any or wanted any more, except maybe me occasionally. </p>

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We paid for DS’s UG (boy…the first two years were very challenging for us as we were “full pay” parents. It punched a big hole in our wallet)</p>

<p>I think (hope) that he would think he had a good life during his college years.</p>

<p>We are no longer capable of financially supporting him much (maybe only 20% of his COA, or even less) for his graduate/professional school. Our retirement is on the horizon and we need to pay attention to that after his graduation from college. Luckily, we do not have the PLUS loans.</p>

<p>Every year, we pray that his school could give him some need-based FA (no merit-based FA at his schools – UG or not.) In terms of tuitions and fees, one more year to go. DS will carry a lot of student loans at his graduation.</p>

<p>In DS’s senior or junior year, DS once “teased” me that I had been wondering whether he should take a particular course or not for the past three years. I think I was (am?) qualified as a helicopter parent. </p>

<p>Sometimes I think that it is usually the case that the college student has to pick one of the poisons:</p>

<p>Either he will have an overly involved parent who will pay for his college, or he will have a parent who will not pay much for his college but will give him the total freedom about his college life. He can not have the cake and eat it too. Which choice do you prefer to have?</p>

<p>We gave our kids freedom and privacy to make their own decisions throughout college, and paid for it,too.
I agree with Romani. We paid for our kids’ college. That didn’t mean that they were obligated to give up their privacy. </p>

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<p>I completely agree. Very well stated. </p>

<p>The only time I can see a parent threatening to cut off financial support is if a student is choosing between a full pay top-tier school, or an academic full ride at a lesser ranked uni. It’d be a low blow, but it happens (just check the financial section–so many kids nowadays freak out because of sticker shock; regardless, it’s still pretty crappy when it happens though). </p>

<p>I disagree with all the posters objecting for privacy concerns. Assuming the parent is paying I think they should have access to information on student progress and performance. Whether or not they choose to make use of that information is between them and the student. But there are so many students now claiming learning disabilities like ADHD. Other kids struggle with depression or other serious issues. Why shouldn’t parents of these kids be expected and supported to monitor their progress? I’d much rather see that happening than pay for the bloated non-teaching staff which has skyrocketed college costs to come in and try to patch things up after things have spiraled out of control. I expect many parents of students who are likely to run into trouble are well aware of this fact and many problems might be averted or caught and addressed before a catastrophic situation developed if parents had access to the information.</p>

<p>Also want to point out that not every college student is even 18 yet. And, much as my daughter would like to believe it, nothing magical happens the day you turn 18. It’s a slow process. </p>

<p>We have such a monitoring system for our schools. Sometimes I’ve gone for many months without looking at it. Sometimes, there’s been a concern and I’ve checked it daily. I know it’s been significantly helpful to some parents.</p>

<p>My kids signed FERPA waivers and HIPPA waivers so I could help with finances and medical issues as they arose (as well as assure myself that both were progressing toward degrees). I also did take the liberty of checking progress toward graduation and bugging both kids to complete their incompletes so they didn’t turn into Fs. That was the extent of my “snooping/hovering.” I would have been happy not to have to do ANY, but as it turned out, it was a good thing because S was not finishing his I and it was being calculated as an F. Both kids did benefit some from reminders to finish their degree requirements, and it did allow H & me to sleep at night. Neither kid complained about too much micromanagement and both have been awarded their respective degrees. </p>

<p>Again, I will say that if you don’t think your D or S is ready for independently controlling their learning (to the extent of turning in assignments) barring any mental or learning disorders, then I do not believe they are ready for college. </p>

<p>Obviously, your (general “you”) money, your choice. I’m just giving my opinion. It has nothing to do with being 18. It has everything to do with the maturity needed to be a college student. </p>

<p>I personally have no need for something like this with my girls. I have access to similar for their high school, and never look at it. I prefer talking with my kids, and having good communication. If they have a problem, they know that they can come to me, and I will listen, and help in a constructive way without judging. That doesn’t come up often, but the few times they have brought things to me (very inconsequential things really, but they thought the problems were huge, lol) it has worked well to reaffirm to them that I am there to advise them. Sometimes I’m amazed at what things they feel comfortable bringing to me, and it tells me I did a good job.</p>

<p>I understand where people are coming from with regards to being financially responsible, so they want to keep tabs on what they are paying for essentially, and the concerns about adjustment issues, or whatever might come up to cause health/mental challenges that need to be addressed. But, I do think college students should be learning to manage themselves as a part of the growing up process. I also think some parents are way too intense and involved. For those kids, they need that distance to thrive. I would be more in favor of limited access. Maybe after a certain number of absences, or somewhat consistent poor grades. Like a progress report that gives an indicator early enough to address issues without providing daily detail. </p>

<p>A financial agreement usually comes with a contract. An employee doesn’t lose the right to privacy when and employer wants some means of assessing job performance. What a student does in his/her private life is their business, but a parent wanting to see some type of academic assessment is not necessarily invading most aspects of the student’s personal life. It doesn’t need to be through a link like this, but this is one option, with pros and cons. </p>

<p>As a student, I’ll make a comment. Students need to learn to get their affairs in order INDEPENDENTLY. If it doesn’t start now, when does it, grad school? Employment? Should a child’s future boss call the employee’s parents if he isn’t working hard? That’s just ridiculous. </p>

<p>If you’re old enough to vote, smoke, visit strip clubs and join the armed forces, you’re old enough to keep track of your own grades.</p>

<p>I’m confident my kids will be just fine keeping track of their own college grades. But this forum is full of posts from parents whose kids are having issues in college because of their LD or emotional problems, whose kids cannot be trusted to manage money, whose kids cannot even cook a simple meal or do their own laundry. Obviously there are a lot of kids being packed off to college who aren’t independent. I’d rather have the parents keeping tabs on them than pay even more for even more college staff to babysit.</p>

<p>Good point, mathyone! It’s a process. You don’t just magically become successfully independent on move-in day and college is an enormous investment for many families. I certainly understand the impulse to make sure the kids are handling there new responsibilities. In our case, I have access but never needed it. And, the kids crying privacy and not giving me access was never even the teensiest of issue, thankfully.</p>

<p>As a student, I feel as if that entire web page can be replaced with a phone call. There’s (seemingly) no need for a parent to go behind a student’s back in requesting this information. When I go off to college, I hope to keep my GPA as high as possible. If my parents called, I’d be more than happy to pick up the phone and answer any questions re: my academic performance so far. </p>

<p>Some kids probably lie, though. I do know of kids flunking out whose parents were clueless. That happens.</p>

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I think this gets back to romani’s point though. If a parent actually needs this website in order to monitor their child then that child probably shouldn’t be going away to college in the first place.</p>