Landing Pad for Helicopter Parents--Safety Net or Spyglass?

<p>^ Yes, that, thank you. </p>

<p>Obviously, there are some students who are going to fail out. In that case, you pull funding because the student is obviously not ready for college. But I think being “kept abreast of their child’s day-to-day progress” is just WAY too much prying. </p>

<p>You can make it a condition that the student has to show you their midterm grades or something if you want. Fine, ok. But put it on the student to produce that information rather than having access to their “day-to-day” progress. </p>

<p>Now I’m thinking of professors that are late putting up grades. My grade portal has often said I have a 20% or something in the class due to assignments not being entered. I can imagine the same neurotic parents that need to be “kept abreast of their child’s day-to-day progress” are the same parents that are going to freak out about the grades not going in. I can just imagine the added stress to the student when a parent is constantly hounding. I just don’t see any realistic good that can come from this. </p>

<p>The problem with these discussions is that people always jump to the extreme. No, constant parental hounding is not a good thing. Of course, neither is a flat out demand for privacy from a fully dependent 17-year old whose family is making an investment in their future. From the colleges perspective, the parent is the customer so they are going to keep the customer happy. Personally, I think this whole thing is much ado about nothing.</p>

<p>We have such a electronic system at D’s high school and many parents (more than I would think) tell me that they log on MULTIPLE times a day and they know the exact times the system updates. I find that creepy and worse, it says to me that they don’t trust their kids to tell them anything. I don’t log on anymore. When D was in 9th grade, I logged on once a week (once a day was just giving me mini-heart attacks because when teachers don’t put in grades, the default grade is a F). But then I just turned on the alerts. This year, I switched the alerts to HER email address. She hates it. She knows what she needs to do to avoid getting those alerts.</p>

<p>I am now so grateful for my father not stalking me through my college career. He was the department chair in my major. He never asked my professors how I was doing nor hounded me about my homework/exams/finals even though we ate lunch together every day. He also never told me much about the professors; the most he did was warn me against taking a class with one particular professor (and to never be alone in an office with said professor). That said, he did see my report cards and I did get lectures on my grades.</p>

<p>SlackerMom, my dad was also the department chair in my major! He never bugged me, either. I had him for two classes. I made sure I worked my tail off so that I got As from him! Fortunately, he was a popular prof. I remember him telling me not to brag about my GRE score - I think that’s the main thing he ever said to me related to school.</p>

<p>@MaineLonghorn, I never had the guts (or the chops) to take a class from my dad. You’re brave. I think all of us made sure we never had him as a professor although my freshman RA said (before she knew I was his daughter) that he was a very patient and nice professor. </p>

<p>Ha, I didn’t have any choice, because he was the only prof teaching Wood Design and Long Span Structures! That’s neat your RA liked your dad! My dad was responsible for getting a research assistantship for my future husband, before I knew he existed.</p>

<p>Early on, Romani asked “When do we allow adults to actually be adults?”</p>

<p>There are a lot of metrics for whether a kid is an adult (beyond our own opinions and instincts). Sure, they can smoke a cigarette, buy a lottery ticket and be drafted at 18. But then again they need to be 21 to drink a beer legally. Car insurance remains expensive. They need to be 25 to rent a car from most agencies. And most relevantly, if they want to file the FAFSA as an independent ADULT they cannot just live on their own for a year and then file at 19. The magic age there is 24. </p>

<p>Nor do the neuroscience experts think your child is done growing up the minute they arrive on a college campus. A couple of recent articles: </p>

<p><a href=“Brains of Young Adults Not Fully Mature | Live Science”>http://www.livescience.com/7005-brains-young-adults-fully-mature.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p><a href=“The Teen Brain: It's Just Not Grown Up Yet : NPR”>The Teen Brain: It's Just Not Grown Up Yet : NPR;

<p>Oh, sorry, I posted the wrong NPR link. Although that one is decent, this is the one that speaks to young adults’ brain development more specifically:</p>

<p><a href=“Brain Maturity Extends Well Beyond Teen Years : NPR”>Brain Maturity Extends Well Beyond Teen Years : NPR;

<p>“Obviously, there are some students who are going to fail out. In that case, you pull funding because the student is obviously not ready for college. But I think being “kept abreast of their child’s day-to-day progress” is just WAY too much prying.”</p>

<p>Well, they don’t want to pull funding as though it’s some kind of punishment. They want to make sure the child succeeds. Knowing what your kid who’s education you are paying for is doing is considered “prying”? Really?</p>

<p>I don’t know, I kind of feel like if parents are paying the bills they deserve to have this information. I paid all of my bills myself and would have found this intrusion obnoxious, and my parents would not have been interested either-- they have no idea what I even majored in.</p>

<p>I failed a midterm once and told my mom about it because I was really stressed out, and she FREAKED OUT to the point that it made the situation ten times worse. All I had to do was write a term paper to get the exam grade dropped and I was able to do that no problem and ended up with a B+ in the class so in the grand scheme of things it was not worth crying over but my parents freaked out and screamed at me and threatened to make me come home (how? I was paying!). I preferred my privacy after that! My parents did not understand that you won’t get an A on every assignment and you might even do very poorly on some, but it isn’t necessarily the end of the world or worth getting upset over as long as corrective action is taken… which I have always managed by myself… but if my parents had been paying my bills I think they would have had every right to know about it, especially if it was a trend. </p>

<p>My older sister went for one semester of college and surprised us at Christmas with a 0.0 grade point average-- it turns out she moved onto campus and then never once attended a class. It would have been nice to know that before Christmas when they still could have pulled her out!</p>

<p>I think in a perfect world, this information would be available to parents footing the bill, and they would know they don’t need to look at it unless something else seems amiss. I think it’s crazy that this information is “private” to the people who are paying the bills-- the parents are the customers if they are paying, not the kids, imo. I don’t believe you get to call yourself an independent adult until you stop withdrawing from the bank of mom and dad.</p>

<p>As a parent getting ready to send my first child off to college next year, this is on my mind. He’s a good kid. A responsible kid. A good student. But he’s still inclined to make mistakes in judgement/prediction of long-term consequences (backed up by brain research, so he’s perfectly normal), and I’m getting ready to pay a large amount of $$ for him to go off to college and get an education. Yes, that education will entail more than just what he learns in class; college is a time of overall growth and developing independence. I don’t intend to snoop on him, but we do intend to be sure he understands that he is essentially <em>being paid by us</em> to live at school and get an education. If he takes 15 hours a semester, and the recommended study time is 2-3 hours per hour in class he’d better be going to class and studying … and thinking of it as earning his keep at a rate much higher than he would be paid for doing any job at this point ($25-35/hour). So while I don’t expect to dictate everything he does, I do expect him to do his job, and to report on how he’s doing; since I’m investing a boatload of $$ in him, I also my cautions/concerns about what he does out of class to be taken seriously. Yes, I want him to go and have fun and have new experiences, but if I’m spending $35k/year for him to learn, he’d better think twice before he endangers his ability to learn or his life on some dopey not-thinking-it-through college stunt. </p>

<p>I actually would have appreciated more parental input and oversight during my college years. I ended up needing an extra semester to fit in graduation requirements about which I knew little. College adviser did very little for me. An involved parent might have helped me plan better.</p>

<p>As far as students who need this kind of oversight not being ready for college-- I am just not buying it. In my (relatively) brief exposure to CC, I have read enough threads from parents or students where a high achieving high school student has bombed out of college and the parents were unaware of problems until the student was facing suspension. You can argue that those kids were not ready for college, they deserved to be kicked out, what ever, but it still comes down to families who might have spent 50K on their child, and only when it is too late, realize that it might have all been wasted due to any number of situations. That is a huge price to pay for the realization that the kids just “weren’t ready”. </p>

<p>I have no idea if I would use such a portal for my kids. Right now, as high school students, they talk to me regularly about their classes and upcoming assignments. I know they care a great deal about how they are doing in their studies so I have few concerns on that front. </p>

<p>I am definitely for this. After all, the student has to opt in. As a parent paying the bills, I have a right to know. </p>

<p>That being said, I get all of the same access from my kids’ high/middle schools. Not once have I ever checked it. Never felt that I needed to. I ask my kids and they tell me what I want to know. However, the access is available if I did need it. </p>

<p>I also absolutely agree that when a kid turns 18 and is done with high school – they are adults. If they want to take on adult-like responsibilities (ie. pay for their lives themselves – whether that be college or working at McDonald’s), then they have every right to say “no” to the opt in portal. But if they are dependent on parents financially, then to me, they really aren’t fully “adult” yet. And if I am making a huge $$ investment in them, then, yes, I have a right to monitor my investment. </p>

<p>Same goes for any start-up or nonprofit getting $$ from a venture capitalist or a foundation; they have a right to not only get reports on their investment but to also call, visit, etc. to monitor their investment and hold the recipient accountable.</p>

<p>That’s complete and utter insanity. Parents need to let their children grow up and do things on their own-a 20 year old should not require constant parent supervision!</p>

<p>Agreed. But, I still don’t understand the outrage over an opt-in webpage. Most parents are probably not monitoring it on a daily basis and harassing the student about every B. That would be counter-productive. This is also nothing new.</p>

<p>It seems to me that this is a topic that causes people to assume that other people have the same needs as themselves. I don’t think that’s true, though. I think there are some kids who aren’t ready for college, some who are ready for college with no supervision–and some who are ready to go, but who may need some help, especially at the beginning. For those kids, this may be helpful. I guess what concerns me about it is that I suspect that it will also be used by many parents whose kids don’t really need it, but will simply continue the excessive amount of supervision that these kids received in high school.</p>

<p>I’m a college professor as well as the mom of a college freshman. I have dealt with situations from the other side of the desk. I think in particular about one student who didn’t show up to class (50% attendance), didn’t do most of the assignments (turned in 25% of the work), and submitted a final project that he probably spent less than 2 hours on (which was a 16-week, 100±page project that was worth 50% of the final grade). He was warned repeatedly, was marked as officially “at risk,” and received multiple notices that he was in danger of failing the class. He responded to none of them. Because he failed this required class during the final semester of his senior year, he did not graduate. </p>

<p>His parents didn’t find out until graduation week. They paid over $150,000 in tuition over 4 years and had no idea that their child was skiving off classes until they showed up for graduation. They were furious when they found out, and rightfully so. They came after me at first, assuming that their child was in the right and the professor was in the wrong. However, I was not allowed to speak to them and they were not even allowed to see their child’s academic records (my department chair had several meetings with them). I did turn in my attendance records and copies of all the danger-of-failing notices, but I don’t know if the parents were allowed to see them.</p>

<p>Were I those parents, I would be beyond furious. While I appreciate the fact that the university respected the student’s privacy, I am in complete sympathy with the parents who wanted my blood. They paid a fortune and had the right to know that their child was wasting their money. </p>

<p>I’d say that if parents are paying the bill or signing the loan documents, they have a right to see how their investment is being used. I wouldn’t give them access to online systems like Blackboard (which show every quiz, every assignment, etc.), but semester/quarter grades? Absolutely. At the very least, I’d suggest that parents who are paying for their kid’s education be able to opt in to receive notifications if their student is at risk/in danger of failing a class, and receive mandatory notifications of any failed classes.</p>

<p>If the student is paying for their own education? More power to them. In that case, I’d say it’s the student’s call as to whether he wants his parents to know about his academic records.</p>

<p>I agree with Picapole. College students in the 18-21-ish year-old group are not mature, experienced adults. This is a transitional period. Some students may need a little extra guidance or some major intervention to avoid a real tragedy</p>

<p>My D is a high-school senior, a conscientious and high-achieving student. We discuss her grades and assignments and she takes responsibility for getting things done. I enjoy hearing about and discussing what she is studying and I think she enjoys the discussions, too. She has a part-time job, is financially responsible, knows how to cook, clean, grocery shop and do laundry. She is college ready and I am confident that she will do well. She has also earned a large merit scholarship so I will be paying little toward her college education. Nevertheless, she is an 18 year old with relatively little life experience outside of high school and I am still “lightly” parenting. College brings about many new responsibilties and freedoms. Freshman year can be challenging simply because of all of the changes. We can never be 100% certain of how anyone will react to changes or whether there may be unusual and unforeseen challenges best addressed sooner rather than later. Mature adults, let alone young adults, do not always know when or how to ask for help when they’re having problems. A little parental monitoring from a distance may not be a bad idea. It does not mean that you do not trust your student or think that they are unready for college.</p>

<p>D’s high school has a website where I can check her grades and attendance which I do regularly. I tell my daughter when I do and not in a threatening or adversarial way. On several occasions there have been attendance record errors that either my daughter or I have had to straighten out and there have been the occasional entry errors with grades that my daughter needed to check in with a teacher about. Knowing that she is in school and doing well gives me peace of mind that everything is on track and I can leave her to do her thing without concern. I think that makes our relationship more relaxed. I realize that qualifies as a helicopter parenting by some people; neverthless, my daughter is quite competent and independent. Different families have different approaches to these issues. If my daughter waives privacy at college with respect to her attendance and academic records, why is that a problem or concern for others? Why shouldn’t college students have the option to allow their parents to see their academic records? Because this wouldn’t work for every family, doesn’t mean that it should not be available to anyone.</p>

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<p>Absolutely. Which should be between the parent and the child. It’s not the school’s fault that the parent didn’t say “Show me your grades or I pull support.” That is on the parents. Parents are under no obligation to continue paying bills if child does not produce grades. </p>

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<p>No. But by that time they’ve been a student for at LEAST 13 years. They should be, at the very least, know how to be a student and get their assignments in without parents looking over their shoulder. </p>

<p>If they can’t do that, they’re not ready for college quite yet. </p>

<p>PS: This wouldn’t be such a big issue if we didn’t INSIST that every 18 year old go to college regardless of his/her academic and emotional readiness. There are some people that aren’t ready at that age- and that is perfectly fine. Not everyone matures in the same way. The solution, IMO, is to wait until he/she is ready for college rather than sending them unprepared and needing that much prodding. </p>