Landing Pad for Helicopter Parents--Safety Net or Spyglass?

<p>This is a simple way of showing parent’s grades. The kid has to opt them in. Why anyone else would object is beyond me. Sheesh!</p>

<p>You’re right @flossy, because of it’s opt in nature I don’t object to the school having this but as I said in my first post on this thread: that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t roll my eyes and negatively judge anyone who uses such a service.</p>

<p>I respect the right of students to have their privacy and the right to forge their own paths as adults free of parental interference, but there is something to be said for the bankrollers of this life-changing experience being brought into the loop when things are on the road to getting really bad, and not just at the end point when the bleep has already hit the fan and is spinning out of control. I would be OK with parents being allowed to see records ONLY if certain red-flag thresholds are crossed and the college administrators can tacitly allow potential parental intervention in cases of physical or mental health issues, attendance issues (which may be indicative of other problems) or incipient flunking out. The parents would then have the option to act (or not act, if they are true believers in the parenting method of giving their charges just enough rope to hang themselves with). If things are going swimmingly, even if not optimally, there need be no accessibility to the data, but in my view unless the college-age “adult” is the main financial source for said education, the ones shelling out the money should have the right to see what’s going on at some critical point and perhaps effect a mid-course correction that could salvage the situation before it’s too late. </p>

<p>Some of these posts are unbelievable. Every child is different and you have to meet them where they are. I had two kids that have gone to college and signing the FERPA was an afterthought with no thought to, oh, no, I don’t want mom to see what I’m doing. My D is very responsible and have never had the need to check up on her, but sometimes she would ask me to go in and check on something, set up her health care, ordering books, etc., especially when first starting college. She calls me on a pretty regular basis with questions about this, that, and the other about how she’s doing in school, problems with a particular class, advice on a roommate situation, etc. So there’s no need for me to check on her webpage for what’s going on with her, but I do have access. </p>

<p>Now, my son is another story altogether. I wouldn’t say he was not ready for college but coming from a very small private school to a very large public was I think too much for him. I did look at his page every so often, especially in the beginning, to make sure that he was not having too much fun and foregoing his classes. I would ask him how is everything going, and he would say it’s going great, mom. Well, when I went to order his books for the next semester, that’s when I found out that he was failing and was put on early warning, oversleeping and missing classes. Once I found out, my husband and I confronted him and told him he needed to get it together which gave him time to make up his missing work and get back on track or he wouldn’t be returning, at least not on our dime. They are adults at 18 in name only. As we all know, college kids do stupid stuff all the time. They’re testing their new found freedom, and sometimes that can be excessive to the point where their education goes by the wayside. Does that mean they’re not ready for college? No, it just means that they haven’t fully matured and think they have all the time in the world to fix a bad situation, which we know is not always the case. I don’t think that a little extra guidance from their parents who have their best interest at heart is harmful, and if anything, can save a lot of heartache and money. </p>

<p>I wonder whether those who object to any students giving their parents access to their academic records are students or parents. If people want to roll their eyes at the way we do things, fine. I’m just not sure why others would want to control the choices that our family makes.</p>

<p>One question: who is paying for college?</p>

<p>If the parent is, they should have a right to look at grades. If the student is paying, the parent should not have a right to look at grades. That being said, the student should be able to ban the parent from looking at their grades. But I can see a case where the parent says “you let us track your grades or you don’t get x, y, or z”.</p>

<p>I had a mother contact me a few weeks ago about her son, and was “hoping he would get an A” in the college class I teach. She was a friend of mine from years ago. Anyway, he is NOT doing well, and I don’t know if I should email her (which I might do if she was still a current friend) or not (he should expect a right to privacy). I did reply and give a general “how are you doing?” without mentioning his grades.</p>

<p>musicmom, I think your example is the best one for those on the fence. You got online for his books, discovered the early warning on your son’s record, and were able to talk to him about it before he flunked a class. </p>

<p>Rhandco, I don’t think a professor can communicate with a parent about how the student is doing, even if it is a friend. I think it’s a breach of confidentiality. I also recall some rule my child mentioned about about professors not communicating grades by e mail- again because of confidentiality, but I don’t know the specifics. Although the parent is an old friend, by calling you, she put you in a precarious position by asking this information. Good for you for not responding. </p>

<p>When I went to college I was on my own, even though my parents paid for half the tuition. I had to navigate my way through the ups and downs. I had ‘skin in the game’, meaning if I flunked out, nobody was to blame but me. To have parents hovering and checking is just another extension of being in high school. Years ago, kids were not coddled as much and I see that it does nobody any good to do so. And, as another parent mentioned, if you want to know what’s going on, ask them. No need to spy.</p>

<p>“Being a financial dependent of someone else does not negate your right to privacy.”</p>

<p>Oh, yes it does! Of course, it’s limited. And what is this “right of privacy” you speak of?</p>

<p>With rights come duties. If you took Philosophy 101 (which all should), you would know that. If you borrow money, it is your duty to use it as intentioned and to open your books for inspection. Borrowed money is not your money. It is a liability until you convert it into an asset. And both parties should act “in good faith”.</p>

<p>Now you’re getting into the issue of whether a parent paying for a child’s school is borrowed money or a gift. If it’s a gift, it’s the recipient’s prerogative to do with it what it wants.</p>

<p>Also, with regard to rights and duties, that would more imply that in order for a person to have the right to privacy it is the duty of another to provide that privacy as well as the duty of the person receiving privacy to recognize the privacy of others, not as you imply that someone has certain duties to fulfill (like studying) to earn a right.</p>

<p>Is it just me or does the guy portrayed in the picture on the main page linking to this thread look really creepy? </p>

<p>If our government doesn’t trust these “adults” with alcohol, why should parents be expected to trust them with tens of thousands of dollars? Everyone matures at a different rate. The parent is a better judge of how mature their son or daughter is, than the turn of a calendar page.</p>

<p>Nope, no alcohol, but our government trusts these adults to blow up dozens of people and operate million dollar machinery when it benefits them. </p>

<p>But turning in homework? Clearly too much responsibility. Taking a life? Ready! Turning in a paper? Nope, not ready!</p>

<p>Give me a break.</p>

<p>This has nothing to do with government. It has to do with individual parent-child relationships. It’s voluntary. And, it’s no-one’s business but the family involved. I really have no idea why it bothers anyone else.</p>

<p>An 18 year old is rarely as mature as a 22 year old. My kid needed lots of help from me his freshman year, picking classes, doing financial aid etc. so having the ability to login and see grades and other information was very helpful. I helped him a little sophomore year, and then none at all his junior and senior years. His school refuses most contact with parents so having a way to access information was very useful to us. It was just part of the growing up process for me to help him the first two years until he was sufficient on his own.</p>

<p>It depends on the relationship between student and parents, really. There is a tendency for certain parents to go overboard with snooping, and more access to student information may lead to more paranoia and distrust than a clearer line of communication. I can easily imagine parents who mean well but don’t really understand the schools in question being shocked when their beloved straight-A child gets a C for the first time in organic chem, without really understanding what the grade means. That kind of pressure is sometimes why students lie about their grades even in high school, if that happened in college as well that would be pretty much hell… Privacy exists for a reason - to offer a safe place to grow. I’m not saying exactly that “kids make mistakes” but rather that “well meaning but overbearing parents may not always do best with more information”.</p>

<p>I think we can share what we each do and leave it at that. I just returned from two days of parent orientation for my last and final child, DD3, but she is one of six children. I’ve been through this enough times to choke a horse, obviously. I was amused to hear reactions of the vast array of parents to FERPA at the various presentations this week. One parent expressed her “right” to have her son’s private password so she could check on grades. Later, one of the parents said to another mom of 4 and to me that we must have found a lot of the Velcro Parent comments amusing. Well, yes and no. It really does come down to the sort of relationship you have with your kid. DS3, who is a rising junior in college, knows what the academic standards are for his major and for the university. He values my opinion and ongoing input and discusses with me throughout the semester his grades on even individual essays or projects. Some of my other children did not. The basic parameter I set was this: you have four years. That includes summer school. After that, the support ceases for the undergraduate degree. So far it’s worked with all the kids. What was most beneficial to hear at orientation was the advice from the faculty and administrators present. They really focused on good communication and on trusting your kid. Two days of that was a great reminder to me as DD3 launches into her college career. I don’t need her password, but I do need to keep up the lines of communication. </p>

<p> 

</p>

<p>For outside employment, the parents aren’t paying. For collge they are.</p>