Light bulb

College Confidential Community
1

<p>Hey kids take a break and read this.
(To Mod: just an effort on lighthearted humor. It does not mean anything) </p>

<p>How many Princeton students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two---one to mix the martinis and one to call the electrician.</p>

<p>How many Brown students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Eleven---one to change the lightbulb and ten to share the experience.</p>

<p>How many Dartmouth students does it take to change a lightbulb?
None---Hanover doesn't have electricity.</p>

<p>How many Cornell students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two--One to change the lightbulb and one to crack under the pressure.</p>

<p>How many Penn students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one, but he gets six credits for it.</p>

<p>How many Columbia students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Seventy-six--one to change the lightbulb, fifty to protest the
lightbulb's
right to not change, and twenty-five to hold a counter-protest.</p>

<p>How many Yale students does it take to change a lightbulb?
None--New Haven looks better in the dark.</p>

<p>How many Harvard students does it take to change a lightbulb?
One--he holds the bulb and the world revolves around him</p>

<p>How many MIT students does it take to change a lightbulb?
five --one to design a nuclear-powered one that never needs changing, one
to figure out how to power the rest of Boston using that nuked lightbulb,
two to install it, and one to write the computer program that controls
the wall switch.</p>

<p>How many Vassar students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Eleven--One to screw it and ten to support its sexual orientation</p>

<p>How many Middlebury students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five--One to change the lightbulb and four to find the perfect J. Crew
outfit to wear for the occasion.</p>

<p>How many Stanford students does it take to change a lightbulb?
One, dude.</p>

<p>How many Oberlin students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Three--One to change it and two to figure out how to get high off the old
one.</p>

<p>How many Georgetown students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Four--One to change it, one to call Congress about their progress, and
two to throw the old bulb at American U. students.</p>

<p>How many Duke students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A whole frat--but only one of them is sober enough to get the bulb
out of the socket.</p>

<p>How many Kenyon students does it take to change a lightbulb?
I don't know, I couldn't find the campus.</p>

<p>How many Williams students does it take to change a lightbulb?
The whole student body--when you're snowed in, there's nothing else to
do.</p>

<p>How many Tufts students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two--One to change the bulb and the other to say loudly how he did it as
well as an Ivy League student.</p>

<p>How many Sarah Lawrence students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five--One to change the bulb and four to do an interpretive dance about it.</p>

<p>How many Swarthmore students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Eight--It's not that one isn't smart enough to do it, it's just that
they're all violently twitching from too much stress.</p>

<p>How many Boston University students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Four--One to change the bulb and two to check his math homework.</p>

<p>How many Amherst students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Thirteen--One to change the bulb and an a capella group to
immortalize the event in song.</p>

<p>How many Wesleyan students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Wesleyan's boycotting GE . . . you know, military-industrial complex and
all that.</p>

<p>How many Connecticut College students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two--One to change the bulb and one to complain about how if they were at a better school the lightbulb wouldn't go out.</p>

<p>How many Bucknell students does it take to change a lightbulb?
One--forgot</p>

<p>How many Bowdoin students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Three--One to ski down to the general store and buy the bulb, one to take
the chairlift back to school, and one to screw it in.</p>

<p>How many Bard students does it take to change a lightbulb?
One--but she'll only do it if it's an alternative light bulb.</p>

<p>How many Boston College students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Seven--One to change the light bulb and six to throw a party because he
didn't screw it in upside down this time.</p>

<p>How many Reed students does it take to change a lightbulb
One--and she doesn't even need a ladder because she has platform
Birkenstocks.</p>

<p>How many Lafayette students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two--one to hold the lightbulb, and one to drink until the room spins. (sorry, not really)</p>

<p>How many Virginia students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two--one to change the bulb and one to talk about how Mr. Jefferson would have wanted it done.</p>

2

<p>^^^
lol. There's lots of great stuff like that on the old CC.</p>

<p>Here's something else I found funny:
*As an admission officer at High Selectivity U, I have had an opportunity to review the admissions packet for this applicant named Jesus and here is what I found and my recommendations to the rest of the committee: </p>

<p>He didn't report a GPA and appears to be home schooled. His father is just a carpenter (although he is claiming a second father; apparently there is some dispute) and his mother is just listed as a "Virgin" (I wonder if anyone has explained to him the facts of life). Also, he is from an area where most people are illiterate and thus I question whether he could have received the necessary training in the core courses (although he is claiming some personal involvment in the creation of Christian history). He seems to have no knowledge of the ancient Greeks, never read Homer, and asserts the world actually began with Adam and Eve. Nevertheless, he appears to be well-read in the scriptures and does seem to be able to cite chapter and verse. Also, he appears to be a compelling speaker who has stood often before the masses to present his ideas on the meaning of the scriptures. So he obviously has been able to overcome his less than stellar upbringing. </p>

<p>His test scores are excellent, perfect in fact, but there may be a scandal lurking as he was accused by some Philistines of knowing the questions and answers before starting the test. He professed that it is just his uncanny ability to see the future. As no direct proof of actual cheating could be found, the testing center decided that it had no choice but to certify his scores. Like other doubters I also question his excuse. </p>

<p>His EC's appear at first glance to be impressive -- turning scant food into enough to feed thousands, healing the sick, making the blind see, raising someone from the dead. However, others have asserted that those are magicians tricks designed to fool the masses. Moreover, he definitely has a Messiah complex, believing himself the saviour of mankind and claiming he can forgive sins. I have learned of reports that he is a true rebel and his actions are all designed to bring down the established government so he can become king. I have visions of his leading the students to take over the administration center if we did something he disliked like our plan to cut religion courses from the curricullum because of budget cuts. Also, I wonder how a person like him will fit among all of our ambitious, success oriented students when his philosphy can be summed up in his own words as "Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth." </p>

<p>He has worked as a carpenter but otherwise has not performed any work that could be considered meaningful for college admission. His recommendations are filled with glowing remarks about being the greatest person who ever lived but I am not sure how much credence we can put in recommendations that come from a prostitute (Mary Magdellan), a fisherman (Simon who also seems to go by Peter), a former tax collector turned religious fanatic (Matthew), and a filthy hermit who baptizes religious converts by attempting to drown them in lakes. </p>

<p>There is no legacy here though he claims to be a descendant of Abraham, and he is not an under-represented minority. His promise to provide us all with the Keys to the Kingdom of Heaven seems empty at best. I am somewhat intrigued by his belief that he will someday be crucified and then rise from the dead but then many of our applicants usually have a death wish and are on the verge of suicide anyway. In balance, I have to give a thumbs down. He is just too much of a risk and I doubt he could add anything of substance to the prestige of the university.*</p>

3

<p>^where's Berkeley? :(</p>

4

<p>How many Boston University students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Four--One to change the bulb and two to check his math homework.</p>

<p>This adds up to three. Was that part of the "math joke"? lol</p>

5

<p>i assume so</p>

<p>There's also:</p>

<p>Jonhs Hopkins pre-meds:
three-one to do it and the other two to knock down his ladder</p>

<p>WUSTL:
none-anyone who was qualified enough to change the bulb got into a better school</p>

6

<p>
[quote]
How many Wesleyan students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Wesleyan's boycotting GE . . . you know, military-industrial complex and
all that.

[/quote]

Haha.:)
That's awesome.</p>